My mum and I have always had a complicated relationship. Basically it seems like I’ve never measured up. I’ve always heard how great other people’s children are, how they’re were much better bought up. If I ever ask what I was like as a child she’ll say I was challenging. If something wasn’t right she’d freeze me out or make her mood very clear. This could be as simple as my boyfriend wasn’t good enough, I didn’t go to the right university. I remember her telling me when I was very young that I wasn’t the kind of daughter she wanted. She seems to have no filter. She’ll say exactly what she likes about my husband (she doesn’t overly like him), she’ll tell me I’ve gained weight and that I shouldn’t make excuses for being tired (I have three kids. Two have autism and the youngest severely so and wakes up in the middle of the night). Apparently I can’t be exhausted and shouldn’t use them as an excuse. She is very kind with money but it is held over us with a lot of reminders. I once snapped (very mild comment) at my husband and she said to me it’s no wonder my ex had cheated on me. She then froze me out until I apologised. She is utterly obsessed with me cooking for her and my dad. We’ve had her over for takeaways and she has explicitly said my husband isn’t to cook. I hate cooking. I have two sensory eaters and one has an autoimmune disease meaning he can’t eat certain foods. But she goes on and on about it. She’s very obsessed about what people think about us (I’m fairy sure most people don’t give us a second thought). I’ve found being raised from her quite damaging.