ExDH and divorce papers. Why am I crying?!

[FromthePinkGlitterySide]

So Ex and I have been separated for about a year and a half. With a bit of messy back and forth. A lot of animosity and hurt and he cheated. Suicide threats (him not me) heaps of upset and tears and all the rest. I’ve been with someone else in this time. So has he. Things are reasonably amicable at the moment and he’s a good dad to the DC.

Please hang in, I’m getting to the point he’s just text saying he’s sending me divorce papers and I’m hiding from the DC sobbing like a baby. I hate myself for it and I don’t even know why. I was perfectly happy before and had no desire to reconcile so what the actual fuck is wrong with me?! I feel gutted.

Is this a normal reaction? Please reassure me that it is and I’ll be ok

It's natural. It's because it's now becoming "official" and thus real that you're grieving for the relationship. Even though it's amicable now. Give yourself time, look after yourself.

Thank you. I appreciate the reassurance.

It's the end of an era. And there's a bit a of apprehension re the future. You'll be fine. The time of the year doesn't help. It'll soon be Spring, the end of the darkness and the time of new beginnings

It’s totally normal, you’re grieving for what would have been and the future you would have had together. It will pass, give yourself some time. Make sure you look after yourself for your DC.

Completely normal. It's always going to be hard as its so final.

It’s brought it all back. You’ve been through a lot. Look after yourself

So I’m not just being a giant wuss 😂 thank you all. I’m going to lie in a hot bath and read a book. Definitely right about this time of year. I’m fed up of cold and dark now.

It can be hard seeing things written down as fact. My dad was horribly abusive to my whole family and I’d been NC with him for years when he died. I still found myself sobbing when I saw his death certificate.

Have a good cry. It’s good to get it out of your system. You’ll feel so much better tomorrow (unless your sobbing into a gin bottle obviously). Onwards and upwards

Of course it's normal. Loss of what you thought was certain and everything. Cry away knowing it to will pass. My phone put ass. Choose as you want. Xxx x

I hated my ExH for what he had done to me & put me through, but the day my decree absolute arrived I was inconsolable, I felt like a failure, it was almost like a death, it took several months of mourning until I felt back to normal.

@Rightwayup ass is appropriate

Feeling much more positive today. Time to let it all go and move forward with my life but thank you all for your lovely words. Much appreciated.

Cheddar and crackers is correct.
It brings back all the hope you had for a lovely life together and how it all went pear shaped.
Our minds just have this annoying habit of poking us like this when we just don’t need it.
It’s some unfinished grief for what you’d hope you have.
Cry it out...it’s better than being stuck in there..and then go out and enjoy your day.
Beautiful here in N Yorks. Hope it’s good where you are.

Oops...sorry didn’t realise you’d posted yesterday.
I thought I’d find closure in going to my exh funeral. Acrimonious divorce after 30 plus years and then him getting an aggressive cancer and he still couldn’t be pleasant to me at our grandsons birthday party.

I didn’t really...I don’t know what I expected.
Anyway about a couple of years later I had a home healer come to my home to teach me how to do it...and here’s my exh still hanging around.
Since he’s been despatched to the light I have been feeling a lot better about the end of our relationship and try to focus on the good times even though I never wanted him back and have been living happily with my second husband for ten years now.