Being made to feel unwelcome

[sometimesalways]

I need some perspective please...

I had been having a difficult morning, first day of period so a bit in pain, a bit uncomfortable, and DS (who is 2 and a lovely boy) was being a bit of a handful. I know he did it cause he was bored. It's been raining and cold so we haven't been able to go out much yesterday and today and when this happens he gets a bit restless like toddlers do. DH was doing some DIY and chores so, I decided to go out to a nice neighbourhood cafe/bakery to get a coffee and milk for DS, hoping the change of scenery and trip there on his scooter will cheer him up. Which it did. He was the perfect child at the cafe, sipping his milk calmly. It was getting busy and we were sat at a 4-seat table, taking 2 seats (initially we were sharing with 2 more people but around mid stay they finished and left). My DH texts me he is done and coming to join us - it's a 5min walk from ours to the cafe.

At this point the cafe manager comes and tell me that we cannot keep the whole table and save the seat for DH as there are other 'paying customers' waiting for a seat. We were going to stay for lunch and 3 people taking a 4-seat table seems fair to me. but her remarks made me very upset and unwelcome and I said Ok, thank you, I understand. And stood up and left - no scene and I didn't shout or say anything really, although ppl clearly saw her talking to me and then me subsequently leaving so they must have understood something was up.

I felt embarrassed and awful. Bumped into DH almost as soon as we walked out, he was almost there. Now I feel quite emotional and that I don't want to go back ever again, which is a shame as it used to be my favourite neighbourhood cafe.

They didn't actually technically ask me to leave. And I understand that it's their right to have the policy, although how was I to know it? I just felt that I wasn't welcome to stay. I am a relatively regular customer too.

Were they right to tell me off? Even as they knew that DH was on his way and we were about to order lunch? (I had already asked for the lunch menu) I worry that I overreacted as I have been having a bad day, but was I completely on the wrong? would you go back?

I can see why the manager came over , it's not really fair to save seats .
It's like if you go in a bar people do it but it's not really fair if you were there first .
I think possibly you may have been over sensitive about leaving , perhaps customers are frequently coming in reserving seats , how she saw it the other customers were there first before your dh .

I think you should just be factual in your review. I can see this from the manager's point of view. She might be used to people 'saving seats' for indefinite periods even if they say the rest of their party are 'two minutes away'. You'd been there about half an hour with just drinks while others might have been waiting to order food.

She didn't ask you to leave; she just said you couldn't save the seats - which is fair enough - why should your DH arrive and walk straight into a seat, when others have been standing round waiting for one? It goes against normal queuing etiquette - your DH would have been pushing in.

So I would write the review in a way that's factual and useful to others - i.e. describe and commend the food and facilities if they're good, but say it was very busy at (time/date) you visited; other customers had to wait for a seat and you weren't able to reserve a seat for the rest of your party.

why should your DH arrive and walk straight into a seat, when others have been standing round waiting for one?

Because a member of his party had already got there, before the other people waiting, and got a table. Completely standard cafe etiquette where more than one person will be eating together.

I would definitely write a factual review, and I would feel miffed in your position, OP, though personally I would have just stayed sitting, hung on for DH and eaten. But I can see how the shine would have gone off the occasion by then. The cafe lady was foolish to alienate all three of you, especially at only 11.30 when you were about to order 3 lunches.

Very rude, even if you had a 4 seat table to yourselves she should not have insisted people join you - they do sometimes insist on ordering lunch promptly though at busy times so waiting half an hour with just drinks could be against policy. That's one customer they have lost!

It’s not as if ok had the table to herself for all
Of the visit to the cafe. Initially she shared with 2 others!

Completely standard cafe etiquette where more than one person will be eating together.

I don't think this is standard cafe etiquette. It might be in some cafes, but, particularly in smaller cafes, expectations that you don't save tables, or even that you buy your food before you sit down, aren't unusual.

I would be wary of assuming any form of queue jumping was 'standard etiquette'. I'm not suggesting you do this, Tolleshunt but I expect those people who let their friends or family into queues at all sorts of places are under the blissful misapprehension that it's standard [venue] etiquette, whilst people behind them silently fume!

The cafe lady was foolish to alienate all three of you, especially at only 11.30 when you were about to order 3 lunches

It's hard to say whether it was a wise or foolish move, purely on economic grounds.

In the short term, she may well gain if the cafe is busy - she has swapped two adult meals and a child's meal for two adult meals; but if another two adults come along and share the table with the couple who displaced the OP, she could gain another two adult meals - so she is up 1.5 covers.

In the long term, she may well lose if she has alienated a regular customer (but of course, we don't know if the two waiting to sit down were also regular or not - and she might have earned their loyalty by intervening so they could sit down).

why should your DH arrive and walk straight into a seat, when others have been standing round waiting for one? It goes against normal queuing etiquette - your DH would have been pushing in.

What the...?! I strongly disagree with this! Everyone I've ever met (ever!!) friends, family, work colleagues, one of us will get the table and the other person will join you at your table. They don't have to queue again?! Once you have a table, it's a not a free-for-all for any randoms to sit down with you?!! What a bizarre situation!

OP, YANBU!! The member of staff was rude but sounds like a misunderstanding. Don't let her put you off going to your favourite cafe!

That cafe is quite casual and people do share. And I am very happy to in principle. I guess I thought it was unfair that I couldn't save a seat for my husband who was 2mins away given that we had already spent money and we're about to spend more.

I left cause I was upset and embarrassed but come to think of it, we would have to leave anyway once my DH arrived as if other people had taken the remaining seats at the table, he wouldn't have been able to sit with us. There were other places free at the cafe - some single seats and possibly another table with two seats (I cannot remember clearly) but no 3 places together. DS may only be 2.3yo but is tall so would def need his own seat to eat properly so we needed 3 free seats together

@MrsJane thank you! One of the reasons that I haven't written a review yet is that I really liked that place! And i guess it could all be seen as a misunderstanding. I don't want to be unfair and judge them by this one moment. Even though it really upset me at the time.

It's not queue-jumping if most of the party are already there, and have already ordered drinks! He is just running a little late. Different issue.

I can't imagine, and have never seen, this be a problem in cafes ever. I've literally never seen this be a problem, or anybody ever mention it. It would never cross my mind it could be a problem. Is it a regional thing? I'm in SW London. We do seem to have a cafe about every 4th shop on the local shopping streets. Maybe we just have less pressure on tables? Can't imagine it happening in the busier ones, either, though.

Meant to say already SITTING there. So not a queue jump.