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Needing some advice on my babies dad

5 replies

Vuecinema1 · 10/02/2019 00:03

Me and my babies dad has separated before my baby was born as he treated me horribly throughout the pregnancy, he chose alcohol and going out over spending money on stuff for his unborn son, he would chose dating other girls and spending money on them rather than buying things for his baby, he said he would save up but has not saved a penny, every month we planned to go shopping to buy stuff ready for when the baby was here but at the end of every month there was always an excuse if he has no money etc but then would still go out and spend his money on alcohol, it took him 8 months to spend £200 on stuff for the baby but that’s it, since the baby has been born he’s not once offered to ask me if I need anything for the baby eg nappies, wipes etc he barely asks how he is, he’s probably asked about twice, throughout the pregnancy I feel like he has emotionally abused me and he does it now, I have decided not to put him on the birth certificate because he needs to step up and prove that he is going to be a good dad and support the baby as through out the pregnancy he just did not seem to want to step up at all and he constantly let me down so I don’t want him to constantly let the baby down now that he is here, he has tried to control me by saying if I don’t put him on the birth certificate him or his family won’t support me, he has turned around and said that he will pay maintence when he is on the birth certificate trying to scare me into doing it, he has even made comments throughout my pregnancy like ‘the baby isn’t born yet’ so he seemed to think that that’s why he doesn’t need to step up yet and buy things yet as the baby wasn’t born yet, I am really needing some advice as he is really making me feel down because of how he is acting and making me feel

OP posts:
PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 10/02/2019 00:12

I’m not sure what advice you are asking for but whether he is on the birth certificate or not, you can still get maintenance through CMS (you might all have to undertake a DNA test though).

Ribbonsonabox · 10/02/2019 00:22

He will still have to pay maintenance even if he is not on the birth certificate.
I think you are right not to put him on. He needs to make the effort if he wants to be a proper father and he wants rights over the child.
The fact that he is trying to manipulate you over it already is a bad sign.
If he wants to get on the birth certificate he can sort that out himself afterwards. Dont do his legwork for him just so he can control you.

1997x · 10/02/2019 10:24

Thank you guys!

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inlectorecumbit · 10/02/2019 10:38

Your DS is not a pay per view item. Your ex has to pay regardless and l would put in a claim to the CMS as soon as DS arrives.
The birth certificate is a totally different thing altogether. Leave him off meantime and if it really bothers him he can fix it.
Be strong and don't be bullied or manipulated into doing what he wants.

1997x · 10/02/2019 15:45

Thank you! Now that my son is here he hasn't offered once to say do I need anything for him any nappies, milk etc he he's only asked about twice how my son is since he's been born (he's nearly three weeks old) and he thinks that my son should just automatically have his name etc and that he should be put on the birth certificate just because he is biologically the dad when he hasn't stepped up or does not support him at all! All he does is majorly stress me out, he did it throughout the pregnancy and is still doing it now that my son is here

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