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Original poster

Can’t stop worrying about SIDS

17 replies

sunnypandas · 09/02/2019 21:08

FTM to gorgeous baby boy, 11 weeks. Been reading MN for quite some time now but first post today. Pregnant by IVF and had a bit of a difficult pregnancy emotionally, had two friends miscarry and another had a still birth just before my baby was born.

I realise I’m now in the highest SIDS risk period and the chance is higher with a baby boy. I can’t stop feeling like I don’t deserve him and that he’ll be “taken” from me as my other friends babies were, I can’t quite get past feeling so haunted by their losses. I mentioned to my GP and HV how I was feeling and they both said it was normal and not to worry, as I don’t smoke and put baby on his back to sleep, always.

Today when he was eating less (EBF), just a shorter feed, I fell into a panic that perhaps he was ill and was going to die. DH was fortunately home and talked me down. But I can’t stop worrying and I can’t get the image of my friends stillborn baby out of my head.

Not sure why I’m posting, really, reckon I’d appreciate a handhold and to know whether this nervousness and worry is normal for FTMs or if I’m losing the plot.

OP posts:

Mmmhmmokdear · 09/02/2019 21:15

I was the same as you about SIDS with my two DC, both times. You just have to kind of think logically and rationally about it I'm afraid. As long as you're following the guidelines about safe sleeping etc then you've done all you can really.

for you and handhold.

Soontobe60 · 09/02/2019 21:23

You are catastrophising because of the events your friends have been through. It's not surprising!
First, on a practical front, by following the guidelines on safe sleeping, you massively reduce any risk of SIDS. Have you got a cot sensor? They are a godsend for peace of mind as they sound an alarm if your baby doesn't move at all for a short time. They are very sensitive so can tell if they are not breathing. Also use a video baby monitor. Finally, I think you should return to your GP as you are at risk of developing PND, and are too anxious.
These feelings will pass, but you sound like you need a little more support at the moment. Take care.

whiteroseredrose · 09/02/2019 21:24

Welcome to motherhood. A lifetime of worry!

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. You do the right things and minimise risks. That's all you can do.

Get ready for worry about development stages, childhood illnesses, school friendships......until you end up worrying about them getting home safely after a night out in town at 18.

x2boys · 09/02/2019 22:03

I had the same with both my boys I didn't sleep properly until they were about six months old when I believe the risk goes down? Sids is incredibly rare yes I googled , it will pass but yes unfortunately as pp says welcome to motherhood it's a life to!for worry ,d's 1 is 12 and !y current worry is bullying and I don't know how I will cope when he starts going out! Ds2 has disabilities and the worries are different but still worrying!

PeachRose · 09/02/2019 22:11

I'm so sorry for your friends miscarriage and stillbirth. It's perfectly normal for you to feel like you do. I felt exactly the same as you when my ds was born and I use to stay up all night watching him because I was frightened something bad would happen which meant I was shattered the day after and too tired to enjoy my day with him. The fact is the chances SIDS will happen is very rare. Stop googling and enjoy him. Just follow the guidelines of preventing SIDS and he will be fine. Congratulations on your little boy, enjoy him and stop worrying xx

Popfan · 09/02/2019 22:17

I really worried about this too - I got a breathing monitor in the end. Gave me peace of mind and let me sleep at night

Original poster

sunnypandas · 09/02/2019 23:15

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. What sort of breathing monitor have you got, Popfan? I hate to admit it but I’m quite a heavy sleeper, and so knackered these days I can’t stay up much watching DS though I would love to keep watch the whole night. I worry much less in the day. Also my DH is often working nights so I’m alone with the baby then, perhaps that is part of my worry.

We are doing everything recommended by the lullaby trust for safe sleep. When the figures are presented I know the real risk for SIDS is extremely low, .05% or something, but I suppose it’s the unexplained bit that makes me so nervous.

OP posts:

Fairylightsandwine · 09/02/2019 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AveAtqueVale · 09/02/2019 23:42

Have you seen these, OP? They’re on the extortionate rather expensive side but I’ve promised myself if I ever have DC3 I will get one, as I feel like it would improve my sanity levels a lot in those first few months.

dangermouseisace · 10/02/2019 00:36

Ah OP it’s completeky normal to feel how you feel. But you do deserve your baby. Lots of people have IVF or a tough time getting pregnant, they deserve their babies too! I understand how you feel though- my son was a threatened miscarriage until 20 weeks and I was convinced after he was born (and was ill) that it wasn’t meant to be that he was going to die. I then drove myself so batty with worry I couldn’t enjoy my baby! Try not to make my mistake.

Sometimes terrible things do happen to babies, however you’re taking all precautions to prevent that and there is nothing more you can do. Things get easier when they get older and can tell you stuff I promise! When they’re all new and so miraculous and beautiful and mysterious and fragile, it’s easy to get pulled into a sea of worry.

flumpybear · 10/02/2019 00:43

I was the same as you too - it's common to catastrophise. My FIL was a GP at the time and told me something that helped me - he said I hear you but in all my life as a GP, which was around 35 years then, I've never been called to a SIDS case - it helped me put into perspective

Enjoy your lovely baby

Eeyoreismyspiritguide · 10/02/2019 01:07

Ok, you know SIDS is rare, and you are following the guidelines and so reducing the risks. As has been said already it is natural to worry. But, and I mean this in the kindest possible way, (and as a mother who has lost a baby through SIDS) you need to stop looking for the worst possible scenario and enjoy your beautiful baby. If your anxiety is getting too much seek support from your GP and HV and maybe investigate getting an apnea monitor (the ones that have a sensor pad that you put under the cot mattress are good) but they are very sensitive and will alarm on a fairly regular basis. I used them for my subsequent children and they did give me peace of mind.

Popfan · 10/02/2019 18:59

It was a while ago (11 years!) so I can't remember the make. Sorry about that.

loveskaka · 10/02/2019 19:03

I was like this as my ds was premature, I got a angel care breathing mat censor, help my anxiety loads! Best thing I bought

Daffydillo · 10/02/2019 19:06

I was the same, but we have sadly had SIDS in the family. I followed all guidance, probably longer than the norm and did whatever I needed to do to feel comfortable. I’ll also say I did have PND, so my extra precaution may have been part of that.

You’ve had experience of loss so I think it’s only normal to feel the way you do. Be kind to yourself

MiceSqueakCatsMeow · 10/02/2019 19:58

I was so scared to begin with I couldn't sleep. Try cbt to help with your anxiety.

Oblomov19 · 10/02/2019 20:03

I'm very sorry but I don't agree with pp that your feelings are 'normal'. Please speak to your GP about anxiety levels. Because you are supposed to be enjoying your lovely baby, not worrying about a risk that is actually small and rare. I hope you can get over your fears.

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