Help me be a better parent!

[AngelaStorm73]

I deal with all the big stuff Ok but find day to day parenting quite draining
Increasingly I'm finding I'm relying on processed food, TV babysitting etc. I go through a day or two of trying to make things fun/enjoyable for them but then just revert to lazy/boring parenting.
I don't want to spend my life just counting down until bedtime!
Help me be a better Mum!

Bump

How old is your dc?
From 2 my dc's highlight is a cafe with cake!! At 4 it's still his special place to go!!

5, 18m and pregnant with DC3
Just feels like Groundhog Day at the moment

Well its hard in the winter. If you can at all get out. Run in the park. Need no entertaining just let them off. Depending how pregnant you are its not easy to have energy to keep going.
Could you make a hit in the living room with sheets and put them playing in there or have a picnic in there. At the end of the day your their dm not their entertainer so just let them do nothing...keeping tv off and see what they come up with. Pop them in the bath early so they have plenty of time to play. Throw in a few sieves, big spoons etc.
It will soon be bedtime!!

Hut !

I do find either we are at home so everything gets trashed and it just feels draining, or we are out and then it's just soft play/food out that nobody eats/ spending money.
I do try and make an effort with bath time (lots of bubbles, lots of toys and bowls and jugs and things) and to read to/with them but I'm definitely feeling very tired now. Third trimester so not too long now.
I enjoy the peace when they are asleep, uninterrupted shower or bath, snacks that don't get eaten for me, and chance to read and enjoy some quiet, but I find even though I really need that downtime I'm often sleeping when they are because I'm so tired.

Kids that age love a den! Let them take a few toys in and it should keep them occupied for ages.

Drawing and sticking

Play dough

Decorating biscuits/fairy cakes

Give them an empty box or 2 and watch them fill it/empty it/climb in it/repeat

Put some music on so they can dance

And when you need to get out:

Library

Playground

Park for run around and take some balls

Hope this helps x

Thank you I think I'm just struggling to get motivated at the moment
I try to think "how can I make this fun for them" but I burn out quickly

I have a 5 year old and an 18 month old. Some days are tough and I’m not pregnant! So go easy on your self. I think everything is easier if you can get out of the house for a run around. If weather is awful they like it if I put music on and make them a disco. Or empty a load of duplo out on the floor..,I’m going to watch here for ideas though too.

Thank you for all your ideas I think I've just got myself in a rut at the moment

If it's any comfort I feel like this all the time, I am sure it's the time of year.
Not sure if it's already been suggested but you mentioned processed food, cooking is a good activity to try with children of most ages and can it can be helpful too! Pizza and veggie burgers are popular with my kids.

But don't beat yourself up. Maybe try to think of one big activity to do in the morning and then you don't have to feel so bad if you fall back on using the tv etc.

1. You do not have to make life fun for anyone.
2. Get into a routine. As an example, get up at x o'clock, have breakfast at y o'clock. Clear away stuff. Etc. Etc.
3. At least 30 minutes' outside time a day, more if possible. Fresh air, running around and all that.
4. Quiet time is important. Before bath and bed or when in bed, low lights, a story or time to talk over the day and what you are going to do tomorrow.

Between all of these things, engage children in normal, domestic activities, whether dusting, hoovering, shopping or cooking.
That is life, isn' it?

Tried to make things more fun today but got met with defiance from toddler
Ended up reverting to TV babysitter
Don't think he likes me at the moment. Maybe he's as tired as I am

my 18mo has got into playdoh and watercolour 'painting. And even 20 mins in the garden seems to break a rut if the kids are starting to aggravate each other.

Find regular activities - literally anything - for your toddler to get you through the day. I used to take a very verbal older toddler to a signing class that she was too old for, purely to help me get through the day. It works out cheaper than cafes or soft play, especially if some are £1 playgroup or free nursery rhymes at the library.

One of mine is v addictive with screens and his behaviour is much easier to manage if we cut them right down, on terms he can understand. For us that means no TV in the morning. Other children (including my other child) are fine with more TV. We also find reducing the number of toys (Eg 3 puzzles to choose from, not 8) increases the amount of playing they do.

What jobs can you train them up to do before the baby arrives? Pouring drinks from a jug, getting cutlery out, getting themselves dressed, shoes on/off, pairing socks, putting their rubbish in the bin. Learning to do these kinds of things is good for them and boosts their self esteem as well as being a help to you.

I think the problem is I know what I should be doing (park trips, play groups etc.) but then when it comes to it I end up so worn out from the things I'm dealing with (legal and housing issues, debt, money, etc.) that I just end up doing the basics (bath, teeth, meals, etc.) I want to think about what the kids want and think about them first but there's always something else demanding my attention and I find it stressful having them around when I'm trying to get things done so I just look forward to bedtime. I think my life has become all struggle recently. I've always managed to find the positives even when I'm depressed, but I'm struggling to find the joy in being a parent right now.
I'm worried it's all going to be over and DCs will be older and not want to play anymore and I'll realise when it's too late how much fun we could have had.

Sounds like you need some me time do you get any time away from the children at all and if you don't, could you?

When they're at school/childminders yeah but I am busy then. I do occasionally take some time to myself but mostly I am busy earning a living unfortunately. I think it's since being a single parent things have just become relentless. I mean it's the right thing. 1000x over I know I'm better off without ex but the workload is a lot. I feel like I'm so busy with the responsibilities of parenting, earning money and running a house, I don't have time for fun anymore.

I'm a single parent and work f/t so I get you. But don't underestimate the need to have some time for yourself where you are the priority and do something that's fun, or nice for you and you alone. It'll ensure you have the energy to go on managing everything else! Sod the housework when they're at childminders do something for you x

I think you need to ease up on yourself. I am a lone parent and it is totally relentless and I only have one and I'm not pregnant! Working, doing all the cooking, cleaning, looking after dc etc. by yourself is exhausting. I do know how you feel as I go through phases where I beat myself up because I don't feel like I'm doing enough but its crazy to think like that as we are doing the work of 2 people.

I probably should take my own advice but you are enough doing just what you're doing, they don't need to be constantly entertained by you and I bet if you made a list at the end of the day of everything that you do for them, it would be a lot more than you think.

If anyone offers you help to take them off your hands for a bit, take it, take it, take it - even if its just for an hour. I always feel like a different person on the rare occasion that I've had a break!

That's the thing I have to work when they are in childcare (from home admittedly at the moment but still takes up the same headspace). Then again in the evenings sometimes if I haven't got enough done. So I can't get things done like housework and stuff when they are not here, so I end up always doing two things at once (badly it seems).
I wish I could just spend the whole day being fun for their sake, but when I get "time off" I just want to be a total slob tbh...
I used to cook from scratch and take time to do activities and things, organise play dates etc. Now I'm just giving into the TV and beige food.
Obviously they don't understand why Mummy is so tired/cranky all the time. It's the only "job" that actually matters to me being a parent but it doesn't pay the bills. And I end up half arsing the bit that matters to me the most.
Like, I used to get them to help me sort the washing or tidy up or whatever, but now I just do it myself because it's quicker. I used to make teeth brushing a game, and let them choose the long books at bedtime. Or get them to help me cook etc. Now I just bung bags of freezer crap on a tray and be done with it. Everything is just quick/functional.

Ah, I can see my previous post was really unhelpful.

I think you are being way too hard on yourself. You're a real person, doing all the work stuff and the home stuff alone,and you're pregnant. Just getting through the day with Pg, FT work and 2 children is way more than most of us manage. Beige food is very normal and necessary IMO. I used to give mine cereal for breakfast so, if they ended up with sandwiches and/or beans on toast etc for both lunch and dinner, at least that wasn't all 3 meals based round bread!

Pregnancy is not the time to play Mary Poppins or to beat yourself up for being human. Remember Mary Poppins didn't have to hold down a FT job on top of doing the fun stuff. 18 month olds are exhausting. That hour or two after nursery on a week night can be hell, even if you only have to do half of them. And stay away from FB, it's just a shop window not real life.

Your 18 month old will have no memories of this time. Your 5 year old gets lots of stimulation and "busyness" at school, the little one has nursery. They probably need chill time and TV as much as you do. Things will come towards you once you've had the baby.