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Birth defects guilt

7 replies

Eskimodog · 09/02/2019 15:13

Our beautiful DD has congenital problems. We're lucky that they aren't affecting her at all at the moment but she might need several operations in the future (or, hopefully she may not need any if she keeps doing as well as she is!) and lots of monitoring, sometimes invasive.

She's perfect and of course I would never let her know when she's older that we're worried about her (she's still a baby now). I know it will all be fine and she'll have a healthy life with hopefully minimal impact so I need to accept it so she can too.

But although they aren't sure why it happens, they think it can be due to a lack of oxygen in early pregnancy. I was really careful - obviously no drinking, avoided certain foods as advised in pregnancy, no exposure to obvious chemicals etc although I suppose I lived a fairly normal life and still used normal cleaning products, antiperspirant etc

How can I let go of the guilt? I keep thinking back to those early weeks and wondering was it this or that, even though I was careful

OP posts:
Eskimodog · 09/02/2019 15:15

I just love her so much and feel like I let her down and didn't protect her when she needed me the most. Maybe I was too relaxed, I still painted my nails for example (albeit in a well ventilated room)

OP posts:
PepsiLola · 09/02/2019 15:16

You shouldn't feel guilt as you didn't cause this, it was circumstances beyond your control xxx

Eskimodog · 09/02/2019 15:58

Maybe. The not knowing is really hard

OP posts:

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CormoranStrike · 09/02/2019 15:59

Both of my children were born with congenital problems.

Dee down you know this is not your fault; sometimes shit just happens, in my case twice.

Neither kid blames me, nor should they.

Please don’t blame yourself.

ApplestheHare · 09/02/2019 16:01

Please don't blame yourself. In all likelihood, nothing you've done has caused this. You made the best decisions you could at the time. Plenty of pregnancy women paint their nails Flowers

DaisyDreaming · 09/02/2019 16:25

If it was your best friend who had a baby with the same problems, would you think she was to blame? If you wouldn’t think badly of a friend, try to have the same courtesy to yourself. Easier said than done I know

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 09/02/2019 16:32

My ds was diagnosed with club feet on the 20 weeks scan.
Consumed with guilt.
Concentrated on doing the best for him via his hospital appointments and looking after him and making him feel loved.
Your dc will have you remember.

Not so bad?

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