AIBU - partners friend tries having control

[Misswonderer]

AIBU to think that my partners friend is too much involved and tries having control of everything and only concerned about himself. My partner is going through court proceedings for access to see his daughter from a previous relationship. His friend who is older than him and he did live at his for a few years, tries having too much of a say in his life, my life and my children's who I have from previous, my partner is a wonderful step dad to my children. I'm currently pregnant and get concerned as his friend is too much and he tried to be in on our family with everything, like a father figure would be like but I think it's weird and it can be uncomfortable. His tried many occasions to take control with my children e.g family day out with partners family friend is invited but he'll have to hold one of children's hands then walk off without telling me or my partner and I'm panicking because I can't see my child, I've very protective of my children and keep them close at all times when out but he'll just walk up and tell them to go with him grab there hand even though they say mom told us to stay here, he'll still tell them to go with him to the shop/store etc it's frustrating as I don't want arguments. Sorry long post too much goes on this isn't even half of anything that happens just tried to make it shorter

Have you told him firmly to stop taking your children out of sight? Or how about not inviting him in the first place? He’s doing this because you’re allowing him to because you don’t want an argument. Unless you firmly put those boundaries in place he will keep trampling all over them. Frankly it’s worrying he keeps removing your children from sight and taking control of your family. I’d be telling him to back the hell off.

I have done many of times told him directly not to take children out of sight, I don't invite him round to our house as I'm very particular with who comes to house as it's my children's home as we like our quiet family time a lot, I've told partner about him walking away with them to shops etc his also had words with him not to do this as I don't like it when my own father does it, I know they are safe but it's frustrating as he don't listen, I can't stop his friend seeing us as his a close family friend of my partners family and his always around, at others houses, day trips out etc tbh there is no escaping him

Don’t tell him you’re going on day trips. You said in the op he’s invited, so put a stop to that. He doesn’t have to hold one of your DCs hands either. You can’t do much about him being in and out of other family members houses but you can stop him being in and out of yours.

I'd be really concerned if an adult kept trying to get my child alone and I wouldn't be quiet about it and avoid an argument. Cut this person out of your lives.