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Original poster

If you were in the situation (very minor issue, might be boring or petty)

21 replies

Marvelus · 09/02/2019 00:10

Situation is a couple living in a small flat.

Person 1 is using the bathroom, washing hands. Person 2 enters the bathroom and person 1 exits the bathroom quickly, forgetting to turn off the tap.

Would you think that this is a sign that person 1 is in a bad mood or upset with person 2?

There is previous history as person 1 has done it before when person 2 enters the kitchen (eg they leave the cupboard or dishwasher open and just leave)

OP posts:

FlibbertyGiblets · 09/02/2019 00:22

If person no 1 is a moody bastard then I would expect some sort of low level bastardry like leaving a tap on or whatevs, the person 1, you see, just can't bear to share the same space as person 2, there's been a Transgression but you're not told exactly what. Btw slammed doors might figure, too.

(This was my exh, moody bastard, I was well-rid of him)

HeddaGarbled · 09/02/2019 00:30

Yes, I’d think it was passive aggressive - who forgets to turn off a tap?

I wouldn’t walk in on someone using the bathroom, but I would expect to be able to walk into the kitchen when someone else is there.

Original poster

Marvelus · 09/02/2019 01:29

Ok well I'm person 1 so I need to be more aware of my passive aggressive behaviour in future.

I don't slam doors though. I just quickly exit as it really is too crowded and I feel boxed in.

He announced he was having a shower while I was washing my hands so I quickly moved out the way and dried them on paper towel in the kitchen, instead of turning off the tap and drying in the bathroom.

I have said that the kitchen and bathroom are too small for both of us, but it is obviously so, so I don't see the point of continually saying it is too small for both of us! So I thought just leaving was easier and less confronting!

OP posts:

Thequaffle · 09/02/2019 01:38

Why can’t person 2 wait until you’re done? Why didn’t you turn the tap off / close the cupboard or dishwasher?

HeddaGarbled · 09/02/2019 01:41

Yes, passive aggressive is what people do when they want to make a point but don’t want to have the confrontation.

It’s OK to be assertive. Him (coming into bathroom): “I’m going to have a shower”. You (turning off tap): “Just give me a couple of minutes please”.

Original poster

Marvelus · 09/02/2019 01:49

Person 2 should wait. Yes he should!!

I always wait if he is in there first but maybe he doesn't feel as boxed in as I do and maybe he just thinks we'll both fit!!

I am just going to have make a conscious effort to stay where I am and finish what I'm doing before leaving. That's hard though as my natural response is to leave and make room!

OP posts:

Notapeopleperson · 09/02/2019 01:54

Leaving things half finished (I.e tap running/dishwasher open) seems passive aggressive, in this situation of just over crowded could you really not just turn off the tap/close the dishwasher then leave or say 'let me just finish up'.

Surely it only takes an extra second, I can't really understand why you have to leave the very second he comes in, how would an extra second to turn off a tap make a difference? (unless there's an underlying issue of severe claustrophobia maybe?)

Original poster

Marvelus · 09/02/2019 02:01

No I'm not claustrophobic. Just don't like being crowded. I do avoid lifts with strangers however so maybe a slight oversensitivity. I do catch lifts with family and friends though.

As the bathroom is so small I don't even use it for my makeup/ hair I do these in the bedroom so I'll have more space. So literally the only time I'm in the bathroom is when I'm in shower, drying myself and washing my hands. So not very often. Kitchen is more often but dh works long hours so is not often in the kitchen when I am as I usually have things cleaned up by the time he gets home. It's only sometimes that the kitchen is a problem.

OP posts:

Notapeopleperson · 09/02/2019 02:39

Fair enough (for the record I never use lifts because of feeling claustrophobic and trapped!). We used to live in a small flat but the kitchen was open plan with the living room so not an issue there but the bathroom was tiny, we had a few teething issues with bumping into each other but over time it just became the norm to squeeze around.

I don't really have any suggestions other than to talk to your DP (maybe when you just in the living room rather than when the crowdedness actually happens) and say you find it difficult and would he just wait another minute for you to finish up what your doing, instead of just rushing out as he might just get the feeling you think he smells or something!

Poppet1974 · 09/02/2019 09:35

Person 1 wants some space....

sackrifice · 09/02/2019 09:37

Get a lock on the bathroom door and use it.

RestingBitchFaced · 09/02/2019 09:46

Person 2 should wait, and person 1 should close/lock the door

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/02/2019 09:50

Definitely lock the bathroom door, it's not unreasonable to want to use bathroom alone.
But kitchens are not usually single occupancy spaces

RandomMess · 09/02/2019 10:34

When your DH comes in you just need to say "give me a minute until I've finished this" basically insist he doesn't crowd you.

Have you explained that it does make you feel hemmed In/claustrophobic and asked him not to?

Kismetjayn · 09/02/2019 10:37

If I was person 1 it'd be because I'm scatty and forget to turn taps off and person 2 interrupted my chain of thought (yes, I do need a chain of thought to remind myself to turn taps off, and shut cupboard doors!)

If my DP was person 1 it's because he's being passive aggressive and would be accompanied by a massive sigh he then denies doing.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/02/2019 10:48

For the bathroom situation it would be reasonable for you to lock the door. The kitchen situation is difficult though, you feel crowded but it's not fair for him to feel that he can't walk freely into his own kitchen.

PaquitaVariation · 09/02/2019 11:50

I understand why you want to get out of the tiny space but would it kill you to turn off the tap/close the cupboard door before you leave? It will literally take a second!

WarpedGalaxy · 09/02/2019 11:59

Person 2 should wait until you’ve left the bathroom, who goes into an already occupied bathroom? That would be annoying to me even if the bathroom were the size of a ballroom!
That said, if the point you want to make is ‘stay out until I’m finished’ that’s what you should say instead of just flouncing and leaving the taps running and doors open.

MitziK · 09/02/2019 13:10

I'd be miffed by somebody who marches into a small bathroom when it's already occupied and announces they're having a shower - it sounds like a 'get out of here, this is my space' and there is a special place in Hell for those arseholes who march in when women are having baths and have a shit .

On the other hand, I'm on the receiving end of somebody instantly leaving the kitchen the moment I walk into it. To me, the kitchen is huge (last one had an entire 60 x 180cm of floor space) and it feels as though I must be so fat that he can't possibly coexist in the space.

I put it down to both of us growing up being chased out of or forbidden from going into our respective childhood kitchens and nobody was ever disturbed when they were in the bathroom.

I suppose somebody who didn't grow up thinking that the kitchen/bathroom was somewhere you weren't allowed to intrude upon someone else would find it weird to not share space.

Bryjam · 09/02/2019 13:11

I wouldn't think anything. But I don't have relationship issues. If anyone is picking this out to be a problem, from either side, it clearly signifies a bigger problem.

BeekyChitch · 09/02/2019 13:16

I would think person 1 is just being forgetful. And person 2 is Reading too much into it. However if I was person 2 I would find it annoying having to close cupboards/turn off taps after them if it happened a lot.

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