Wedding invites declined

[Porky54]

Just wondered how anyone felt when family declined their wedding invites. When I say family I mean aunt, and half brother I always felt as though I made the effort with him visiting not overly regular, sending birthday cards Christmas cards, to him and his child, not received any back - that hasnt bothered me over the years. My mum passed away two years ago and that seemed to split the family apart. I thought it might be nice to reach out with the olive branch, so to speak. Deep down I knew they would decline, but H2B said send an invite that way it can’t be said you’d not thought of them or it doesn’t look like you don’t want them there.Sounds silly but I don’t know if I should feel upset or not really. I don’t know how to feel. it’s not a huge wedding only 50 people we wanted to keep it small just the “important” ones, but most are from his side so I don’t know if I’m kinda feeling like I’ll have no one on my side if that makes sense, I’m not really over flowing in the friends department I’m socially awkward so usually end up embarrassing myself infront of others so tend to shy away from social situations. I don’t know how I should be feeling... any opinions welcome x

You thought they'd decline and they did. Sorry if that hurts and congrats on your wedding

That sucks. Sorry

I know it's easier said than done, but you need to focus on the amazing time you're going to have with all the friends and family who will be there. It's the people who've declined who will miss out.

Yes, it's not worth thinking about the people who don't come, I hope you enjoy your day.

Thank you for that... It is their loss your right Bayleyf and I guess it’s good to know where you stand with people. I knew really they would decline Redhatsdonotsuitme, i think maybe I’m embarrassed more than anything at sending out the invite and getting a negative back! But never mind my day will be just as good without them.

We had an aunt and uncle, and a cousin decline on us. And my dad didn’t turn up.
You and your partner are what make it important, don’t let others dictate your feelings on the day!

Try not to worry. Your h2b is right, we you tried, they cannot in years to come say you didn't invite them. I'm sorry for you though, we had very uneven guests (different reasons) and it looked odd in the church, like I'm Billy no mates!

It sucks, but you have a fantastic day anyway.

I gave my dad and my brother 18 months notice when I got married they both booked holidays (to different places) so they didn't come.

That was their choice and them being at my wedding wouldn't have made it any better.

Ours was a small wedding too only 40 for the day and 80 for the evening, but every one said it was one of the best wedding they had been too as it so relaxed.

That’s going to be me 😂😂 he is so popular has lots of friends I have none! Might need to resort to rent a friend!

Thank you all for that, I definitely feel better about sleeping on it tonight it’s been playing in my mind all day. X

It’s your special day! Better not to have unfriendly relatives there to ruin it.
My advice would be to stand someone at the door of the church/ service and guide the guests to sit both sides of the church so all guests are scattered. That way it won’t feel like ‘your’ side and ‘his’ side. Just everyone together celebrating your day.
At the reception it really won’t matter as everyone will mingle. No one will notice or care how many family members are there on your side.
Enjoy your day. Let the poor behaviour of your family stay with them. You won’t care on the day honestly 🥂💐

I can understand why it makes you feel sad, even though it was expected.
However, don't have 'sides' during the ceremony, get your ushers to invite people to fill up both sides from the front, regardless of who they are related to / have known longest. If necessary, get dh to tip off some people from his side to purposefully sit on what is more traditionally the 'bride's side'

If you're worried about how it looks in the church then just get the ushers to seat everyone on either side. Rather than a side for the groom and a side for the bride. Then it will look even and you won't worry about it on the day.

Did they give reasons?
I’ve declined a family member’s wedding invitation. They were so hell bent on certain wedding stuff that they made arrangements that were unmanageable for many others and we were not the only family members to decline.

@Springwalk Good point. It is probably much better not to have unfriendly or problematic relatives at a wedding.

DH's mum declined, as she didn't have anyone to look after the dog for the day. His half brother declined, no reason given. Ah well.

We've been LC with that side of the family for a long time, now essentially NC, but tbh it wasn't a decision, it's just been a natural process. Still no clue what we've done to upset them.

Actually, we told them both by Fb message 2 months ago that we're starting the adoption process, as Social Services may want to speak to them as part of it. Both have read the messages, no reply. 🙄

@Porky54

Its definitely their loss. You sound like a really kind hearted lovely person. I wish you a wonderful day and a long & happy marriage

Congratulations OP, enjoy your wedding. Feel proud that you extended the invitation, it's their issue, not yours. Wishing you a wonderful day t=with the people that care about you

@Aenn, no reasons as to why they don’t want to come just the RSVP through the door with the little declined tick! After reading all the messages on here I no longer feel bad about it. I tried to reach out to them I can’t do any more than that. Even though I knew deep down they wouldn’t come I still shed a private tear last night. Silly moo I know but I think it would be a different story If my mum was alive. I can’t change that unfortunately so I will just hold my head high knowing that I tried, and actually it takes great comfort in knowing I’m not the only one with family members like that! It’s true what they say if only you could pick your family!!