I am sorry this is long. And for the initials but it seemed clearest to use them. If anyone gets to the end of it you're a saint.
Around 12 years ago I fell out with my best friend (N). We were sharing a flat at the time. It was horrible and messy and I was upset about it for a very long time. Soonish after a mutual friend (C) had her 30th and my ex-friend organised a surprise party to which I wasn't invited. A further mutual friend (T) stood up for me and said I should be invited. N said she wouldn't come if I did and I took the honourable path (I think) of saying it was her plan in the first place so if me going was going to cause upset I'd stay clear. C and T understood.
Over the next few years this set a precedent. T, C and N organised a couple of weekends away with two further friends G and J. Posts would appear on Facebook with pictures of them all happy and I'd be hurt each time. Despite remaining friends with C and T and seeing them regularly I was never invited.
It came to a head last September when T posted a photo of her, N and C celebrating their 20 year friendship since meeting at university. That group then was the 4 of us. The 20 year old photo she posted with it was even one I had taken and given her a copy of long ago. It hurt massively and I told T who said she'd not thought at all and didn't realise it still made me sad. It was however the catalyst for me to get back in touch with N and we've made up and have tentative plans to meet for a drink.
Yesterday T posted again. It was a comment on a post written by a new hotel. T wrote that her and N had been talking and were thinking about a big weekend in 2020 to celebrate everyone's 40ths. C, N, J and G were tagged. Not me. Again.
And today I've been in tears on my commute. I need to get the fuck over this. It's clear where I stand and it's not going to change but it really fucking hurts. I feel so pathetic. And in a few weeks we will all be together at C's wedding where I'm dreading feeling so hurt and massively need to deal with this so it isn't any issue on C's day.