Utterly mortified by DD yesterday, i've got to go and face the same people today

[WalkingDAway]

In the mobile phone fixing place. Three men sat around and me and DD 3. I was handing my phone in to be fixed and ticking errands off the list with DD at the same time.

"Right DD so thats the phone done, next we have to go to Tesco and do the shopping ok"

"And we have to wash your sheets mummy 'cause they've got blood EVERYWHERE" (surprise period 2 days early and DD had seen the sheets that morning)

You could have heard a fucking pin drop. I've got to go back and pick my phone up today, genuinely considering just buying a new one ffs

My then toddler ds2 rummaged in my bag during a church service and then jumped on a chair and waved a sanitary towel on the air.
He's also been one for screaming "MUMMY YOU'RE REALLY HURTING ME!!!!" if I'm trying to get him to or from somewhere quickly. Sometimes I'm not even touching him.

I see the fun sponges are out this morning.

Feel your pain, OP, but you made me laugh! Send your DH in to get the phone!

I’m with Margo. Periods are totally normal and I’m all for discussing them. But not with strangers - I’m not going to be cool about it just to prove a point that it’s just a bodily function.

I'm too thick skin to bother me. It's normal to have accidents of that kind.
Alternatively you can say that you kill someone in your bed...

My sister's three year old DD walked with her into the doctors' crowded waiting room and announced that "Mummy's got an itchy 'gina!"

I took DS to a swimming lesson yesterday, he asked if I would come swimming with him some time. I said yes, but to fit in my swimsuit and not look like a whale I need to lose a bit of weight first. This was in a private changing cubicle. A few minutes later, in the big communal (unisex) area he pipes up loudly in front of tons of people "Mummy, you need to lose weight so you can come swimming with me".

One of my Twin girls (5 at the time), walked in on me in the bath shaving. She asked what I was doing. I explained I was shaving my legs because they were hairy. I then put shaving foam under my arms and started shaving there. She then laughed, and asked if I had hairy nipples because I'd got shaving foam on them. I replied with no darling, just shaving under my arms.
Fast forward to school pick up time the next day, when the reception teacher pulls me aside to tell me that DD has been telling EVERYONE that 'mummy has hairy nipples'

My DD's BF (5yo) announced in front of her Dad that he had no hair on his crotch. Thankfully the poor man was picking up after a play date so legged it as fast as he could but I still laugh at the memory. No word of a lie, they emigrated to Australia a few weeks afterwards.

What the fuck is with all the po faced responses on this thread?

OP I would be mortified too!

Ffs what happened to some people’s sense of humour.
We all know what periods are etc. Does op really have to write lighthearted at the beginning of the thread 🙄

Op, I hope you’re enjoying your brand new phone from a brand new shop

I laughed out loud at that! Bless you!

Oh, OP, commiserations

And hopping... no words but I just properly snorted trying not to lol in a v quiet office at lunch. I’m dead (sorry)

Could have been a nose bleed - I wouldn’t worry! As long as they don’t think you’ve murdered someone it’s all good! 😁

I was in a woman's changing room one day, a woman had her DD maybe about 3 there, she was a little down the bench from me but I was facing in to the lockers. I was getting dressed, but some how managed to side flash the girl (I didn't even realise she was looking at me). Girl turns to her mam really loudly and said "Mammy, that woman has no hair down there like you. Is she not old enough to have hair yet either?" The mother looked so embarrassed, but probably not as much so as me!

'We weren't to mention what happened to daddy, dear. Remember?' murderous stare

I think the stunned silence was because they were picturing a horrific murder scene and wondering whether to perform a citizen's arrest.

"my dad said alcohol doesn't count when sport is on" etc.

I was once horrified to read in my DS's newsbook from school that "daddy fell asleep from having too many cans of beer".

IT WAS THE SIX NATIONS! CAN A MAN NOT FALL ASLEEP FROM TOO MANY CANS ONCE A YEAR?

How did it go?

I was in the loo once (hiding for five minute's peace, if I'm honest) and the doorbell rang. Cue DS, aged about 6 at the time, shouting through the letterbox to the Hermes courier: 'Mummy's having a wee. Actually, she's been in there a while - she might be having a poo.'

Hilariously cringeworthy OP!

Genuinely amazed at posters who claim they wouldn’t find it the tiniest bit embarrassing . Yes periods are normal part of life but I personally wouldn’t want to share details of mine with complete strangers! Just like I wouldn’t want to tell them about any of my bodily emissions....

My son told a random man in Boots that sanitary towels are blood nappies.

DD told the waiter in pizza hut on him enquiring if everything was ok that ”mummy’s got blood, bring her some wine”

Ex-DH almost choked on his pizza he was laughing so much.

Pigs, she knew the score young 😂

My waters randomly broke at home with DC4. DC3 - who was 5 at the time, sitting on the coffee table eating crisps whilst I stood there like FUCK (previous labours were 94 mins and 40 mins...) piped up

“Why are you weeing on the floor, you’re disgusting, there’s a toilet upstairs.”

ExDP was on his way over as it was parents evening and we were going together like we always do. Rang to tell him what had happened, he said “Fuck sake I’m gonna have to watch you give birth again aren’t I and this one ain’t even mine”

Anyway... I was frozen in position. ExDP arrives. Helps me clean myself up and gets me clean clothes. Piles the DC in the car and goes off to parents evening as soon as my DSis arrived (birth partner due to H doing a disappearing act).

At Parents Evening, DC3 announced to the entire fucking room (teachers and head teacher) which was quiet as we had the first slot -

“Mummy isn’t here because she weed loads all over the floor and made a mess, Daddy had to wipe her bum for her and Mummy was crying. How silly is that, why can’t she just use the toilet”