Switching off outside work hours

[suckmasterburstingfoam]

I'm looking for practical ways to address a problem with work-life balance.

I work in an industry that operates 24/7. Some of my colleagues work defined shifts, while others work limitless hours, day and night, getting dragged out of bed to deal with issues. An over-sharing colleague once bragged that she had taken calls from her boss while in the middle of having sex.

My role has defined hours, and I'm not formally on call outside that time. I really need to be able to switch off completely outside work for the sake of my sanity. But I'm supposed to remain contactable in an emergency.

When I started the job, I was constantly paranoid about missing a call. I couldn't sleep and would check my phone over and over. I felt shit and on edge the whole time. Even so, on the occasions I was called out of hours, I still missed the calls because I happened to be in the shower or had no phone signal, so I think I got a reputation for being crap at keeping in contact.

After a few months I managed to relax and put my phone away at night. I had initiated a handover system that meant people didn't need to be called out of hours so often. The urgent calls were rare and if I missed them it wasn't the end of the world.

It was going well... But I've recently missed an urgent call from my boss and she's given me a bollocking. (It's especially galling that I was actually working late that evening and had the sodding phone right in front of me, so I don't know how I missed it.) She says she expects me to check my phone for urgent messages regularly outside work.

So now I'm anxious all over again, on edge and can't sleep for fear of missing a call. I don't know how to deal with it in a practical sense. I can't have my phone on all night and at weekends because it will ping constantly with non-urgent stuff. I can't leave it downstairs because I won't hear it ring. I'm not going to check my phone over and over for missed calls because that way madness lies.

I had depression a few years ago, linked in part with insomnia and work stress, and I do not want to go there again. My mental health is my top priority.

So my question is: how do I remain contactable without feeling "always on"?

What kind of phone do you have? I have just checked and on an iPhone there's a 'do not disturb' setting where you can allow certain numbers to call you but you won't get notifications. Does your phone have similar?

Thanks, that's a good idea. I've recently been given a new phone so I will check out whether it does that. They wouldn't always call from the same numbers, but at least if I stick the boss's number in there, that will be a good start.

How do other people handle checking for urgent messages? Surely if you check your messages you need to at least glance at all of them to figure out which ones are urgent? And then your head is full of unhealthy thoughts of "oh god I need to deal with that".

Yup, use the do not disturb function. There’s no way I would work out of hours as i’m Not getting paid for it. Start thinking of it like that and you might change your mind.

What kind of job is this? Are you being paid to be on call?

There's no way I would provide this service for free, they're taking the piss.

I wonder if you would be happier in the long run by leaving this firm and getting a job where they actually allow you a life of your own, and some downtime, during the hours they don't pay you?

I'm not explicitly on call, but my contract says I need to be flexible when necessary. So I kind of am paid for that.

I don't really have a problem with occasional contact outside hours - it is rare and they don't take the piss. It's just my own anxious response to the anticipation of contact, or missing a call (or getting bollocked!) that's causing me grief.

I agree, I'd be happier in a job with strict boundaries, but there are good motivations to stick with this one for now. The pay is good (compared to my previous jobs) and, more importantly, they've been very good at accommodating the hours I asked to work.

I will get Do not disturb set up today. Any other tips for handling the anxiety are welcome! Thanks all.

The whole situation doesn't promote a healthy work life balance to be honest. If you have to be constantly checking to see if you're needed, when do you get to completely switch off from it all OP? Even if the contact is minimum, the fear of a bollocking for missing a call means you can never properly relax outside of work.

Could they not install some kind of rota so you have complete downtime, or would that be completely unfeasible?