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Original poster

Wwyd about this? (Boy at dds school behaving inappropriately)

50 replies

BastardGoDarkly · 06/02/2019 18:48

It started off as low level annoying (both age 7 btw).
Then every day, waiting for her to get off the bus, chasing her, hassling her in Lego club at lunch etc.
She seemed to be talking about what he'd done every day, so I said I'd speak to her teacher.
The very next day (I hadn't spoken to teacher by then) she came home, and said he'd put his hands down his pants and then rubbed his hands on her face.
She was understandably upset, and I went in the next morning and spoke to TA (teacher not there yet)
He seemed to take it seriously, and I was reassured.

This was around 3 weeks ago.

All quiet for around 2 weeks, then it started up again, low level harassment.

So today. I got a phone call, to say he had touched her inappropriately (her vagina, over her clothes)

She had told the teacher, and he had been taken to head.

They tried to reassure me it was being dealt with most seriously.

Dd is fine, just indignant and cross.

I feel like I need to talk to the head myself.

Is it unreasonable to ask he's kept away from her at ALL times?

How would you all handle this?

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 10:58

Blobby yes, that's why I'm torn. If she didn't know, and is now going to act, I should give her that chance?

OP posts:
Blobby10 · 07/02/2019 10:59

A tip I was given whilst young (and passed on to my own children) was, if someone is doing something you don't like, say in a loud and strong voice "stop doing that I don't like it".

It brings it to the attention of other people and grown ups and if repeated over and over not only gets the message across to the perpetrator but also helps grown ups to deal with it. It gets round the 'tittle tattle' accusation but also plays on the group protection that you often get at Primary School age children,

Blobby10 · 07/02/2019 11:03

OP, I would give her a chance to respond, rather than go in all guns blazing but I don't think you would be unreasonable to expect a response within 48 hours. Be clear and specific about what you expect from the school - "I want action taken" isn't helpful to anyone as you need to specify what action. Equally "I want my daughter separating from this boy" is probably impossible to manage - would there be an alternative solution you would find acceptable?

Please dont think I'm trying to tell you to back off or anything - its just that I've found you get more and better results if you work with people rather than demand things. And that if you have specific (and realistic ) expectations you are more likely to have them accepted. I agree with you that this boy has clearly been subjected to some disturbing behaviours and influences and that, at some point, SS will have to be involved. Maybe that could be one of the things you request? I don't know!! Grin. But good luck to you and your daughter - please do pass on to her the tip I received. It really does help.

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 11:06

Respond to what Blobby ? I've been on, we've had the meeting, as far as she's concerned she's dealing with it, and yes, keeping them completely apart.

I think I'll wait and see what next week brings.

Dd tells me EVERY tiny detail about the goings on at school, so if he's getting in trouble, or things are happening, I'll make the call.

Thanks folks.

OP posts:
FeelingFlat · 07/02/2019 11:08

I would say if school do not come
Up with ideas you are happy with then you will get SS involved and ask for DD to be our in other class

Reallyevilmuffin · 07/02/2019 11:12

Well done for thinking of the boy. At 7 this will be learned from somewhere at the home, and there is a high correlation of acting inappropriately sexually with being abused themselves.

The teacher you spoke to sounds like a moron.

drspouse · 07/02/2019 11:16

I think I'll get mum in...

Erm...
How did the teacher not know about the toilets/licking?

Stormwhale · 07/02/2019 11:17

I think I would be cautious of judging the school on what it seems they are or aren't doing when it comes to dealing with the boy. They can't tell you the ins and outs of how they are managing his behaviour, and they can't get into talking about his problems with you. There may be a lot going on behind the scenes that they will not be able to tell you about.

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 11:20

drspouse it seems the class teachers haven't taken it to her.

Not even last time I went in, when hed put his hands down his pants, then rubbed them in dds face!?

I'm shocked tbh that they haven't shared their concerns with her.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 07/02/2019 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 11:22

Who is the designated child protection officer for your school OP?

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 11:23

Francis yes, that's an excellent idea, thank you, I'll do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 11:24

I've got no idea Mostly ? Should I know that?

OP posts:
SuperSange · 07/02/2019 11:27

Not necessarily, but every school has a safeguarding lead. Usually one of the SMT

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 11:35

I'll have a look at school website, would that tell me?

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 11:36

What's an SMT ?

OP posts:
incogKNEEto · 07/02/2019 11:37

Senior Management Team. Definitely a good idea to email as suggested.

MissEliza · 07/02/2019 11:48

Op please call the NSPCC for advice. They will give you the best advice about how to go forward. Please don't be fobbed off by the school.

Somethingsmellsnice · 07/02/2019 11:54

FrancisCrawford's email is excellent.

I'll get Mum in!!!! WTF! This type of behaviour can be an indication of child abuse (and at this age probably within the home). She should be calling social services (but you will not be told whether this happens).

catzrulz · 07/02/2019 12:41

I work in Social Work dept, in Scotland it would be a phone call to your Council and ask for the Duty Social Worker for Children's Services in your area, which I would be doing asap. It is definitely safeguarding for both your DD and the other child.
Agree with PP please do email the head and have bullet points for her to acknowledge.
You sound like a fab Mum and it's brilliant your DD chats away to you.

MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 13:50

I would at the very least hope that the child protection lead knows everything that is going on, but the Head really ought to know too and it doesn’t sound like she did nearly enough to reassure you that she understands just how serious this is.

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 07/02/2019 14:46

She really didn't Mostly I was back footed from the off, because I was so shocked to be telling her the story!? I thought I'd go in, and she'd be doing the talking, about just how they were sorting this.

It wasn't like that at all.

I'm hoping after I left though, that she got on the phone, and wasn't just fobbing me off.

Guess we'll see.

OP posts:
MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 14:54

I actually wonder if a call to social services might be in order. Although the school should be monitoring this closely, I do doubt they’ve recorded this.

MissEliza · 07/02/2019 16:14

As a TA, I know in every school I've worked in the protocol would be that any 'red flag' should be reported the safeguarding lead, who is a member of the SLT and I believe they would let the head know. There's no way that in any school I've worked in that the head wouldn't be told at the earliest opportunity. If you don't feel they've acted quickly enough or taken it seriously, you should contact a specially designated officer in the LA. Therefore I can't understand why the head didn't know about the first incident.
I don't know how and when parents involved should be informed by the school. However, unfortunately, I know someone who unfortunately had a dc who was a victim (outside school) and I know social services were in touch within 48 hours. Everything moved very quickly after that.

AdoraBell · 07/02/2019 17:50

Definitely email as Francis said, and tell DD to speak up loudly as pp suggested.

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