Competitive edge and sport and children

[Iggypoppie]

Background: I'm rubbish at sport and don't feel 'comfortable' with competitive situations most of the time, however I'd like my daughter to be more sporty in take part in thing such as tennis.

I'm not sure if, as I woman, I've been socialised not to be too competitive or try to beat other people in case it hurts their feelings (or something). On the other hand lots of women take part in sport and this isn't an issue.

So my question is to sporty people - how do you rationalise/ think about the loser if you beat someone (e.g. in tennis) and (conversely) how do think you can convey a message of healthy competitiveness in children?

Is it just a matter of saying 'I've like to be the best that I can at X because I enjoy it'? Is it about the pleasure of honing a particular skill and demonstrating it? Or is there something more?

No advice but would be interested to hear from others as I'd like my DD to be a bit competitive (more than I was / am, anyway).

My mother and sister don't have a competitive bone in their bodies; I was born with an intense competitive streak. I was always taught to work as hard as I could, to do my very best but always, always be FAIR above all else. If you beat someone then of course be very happy but always acknowledge the efforts of everyone else and if they beat you then congratulate them, have a chat, shake their hand.

There is no better feeling for me than of winning a race or improving my performance - but very, very close to that is in hanging around to watch every other person in, or having the people that beat me acknowledge my efforts and chatting to them about their races and offering sincere congratulations. I absolutely cannot stand cheats and I absolutely cannot stand those who are not gracious in their victories or losses.

I was never really sporty as such but I did take part in competitive sports like fencing and martial arts. Even though I was never great at these things I hated it when someone would “go easy” on me. I’d rather end up on my ass over and over on my own merits. And the satisfaction of genuinely beating someone in a move is immense.

I often practiced with people who were significantly more advanced because as well as being a good loser, I was less predictable than more advanced partners.

Respect for the opponent is the key thing in sport. Being better or worse(or winning and losing) isn’t nearly as important as respecting the other.

I'm not sporty now, though I did play when younger. But I have a very sporty DD.
Performance level in one sport (Been in the sport for 5 years), local league in another (in the sport 1 year).
In my experience as parent ( and a qualified sports coach) you can't make a child competitive.
What you can do is give encouragement and opportunity to find a sport they and enjoy. Also, encourage longevity. They will never becme good at something if they give it up after a few sessions.
If they enjoy something them they become better and I find the competitiveness will then kick in.
BUT not all children will be competitive. I know some amazing young athletes who refuse to compete ad they simply don't enjoy that element of the sport.
In DDs case, the competitive streak has only really emerged in the last year. I think it's directly linked to skill achievement and realising she is good at her chosen sports.
Out of interest, how old is your DC?

Great to hear all these insights! Thanks!

Thanks argus, she's two! Obviously I'm emphasising cooperativeness and sharing as good things at the moment. But I'm not wanting her to be socialised into being subservient if that makes sense.

I'm thinking some martial arts might provide insight into respect for your opponent while still karate chopping them iyswim.

Also, I know in the army etc some people are more motivated by helping their own squadron for example. So maybe competitiveness for some people is best harnessed by representing your school, country etc rather just yourself.

Just musing it all really.

introverted, I'd love to try fencing! [heads off to see if there are any classes on in my area].

Ah lots of time for fun and games. Gymnastics and cheer are good for little ones. Also look for tots netball/ football (often via the local leisure central/ secondary school). Good luck, hope you both have lots of fun with it!
But be warned, once your DC develop a love for sport it completely takes over your life (in a good way!)

I play tennis. Used to play at a good level.

It's not necessarily competitiveness that helps. I'd say more a fighting when down and not giving up. That's the spirit that comes back. You can have a fantastic tennis game but if you can't pick yourself up when you've had a tough match then you'll never get anywhere.
I played someone once. At 11yo they genuinely thought she was heading for Wimbledon. Beautiful shots, lovely game. At 16yo I beat her 6-4 6-1. Basically it was neck and neck in the first set until I went 5-4 up and then she fell apart. She couldn't cope with the thought she might lose.
Whereas I have a less flashy game, but have come back and won from a set and 5-2 down. It's every point matters, and not giving up even when it seems pointless.
She should have beaten me easily on actual ability.

I'd rather play a good, fair and fun match and lose than a deeply competitive match and win.
Although that might depend on whom I'd playing against. There's a certain satisfaction to having your opponent called foot fault on their first serve when last time you played without an umpire you were playing 6" inside the lines because of rotten calls.

When I'm playing a match, it's nice to have a joke with the opponent between points, but take each point seriously. Although I have lost a point through laughing too hard in the middle, but that's usually slapstick humour!

Generally I can shrug off the other side if they're being unpleasant. It doesn't make a good game, though.
There's ways of dealing with unpleasant people. Calling the score out each time if they're trying to argue the score.
I was once reduced to firing a shot at the midriff of someone who was so ostentatiously cheating that their partner apologised profusely at the end and the team refused to play with her again. Every time she tried it, the next shot brought her into the net, followed by the next one straight at her. I hope she got the message. Only time I've deliberately aimed at someone and she thoroughly deserved it.

Everyone does bad calls sometimes. So if it's a one off you can shrug it off. Usually it evens out.

Chose your sports wisely as some are a lot more costly than others! One of my children is very competitive but is equally very kind and compassionate at other times. Sport has been really good helping them learn how to lose with grace, develop resilience and be a team player even with a solo sport ie they represent the club even if scored individually. My second child is very good technically at same sport but I can’t see them competing at all as they just don’t thrive under pressure like that and really dont enjoy it. Try lots of different sports when young as you never know which ones they may like. It feels like there’s this golden window between ages 7-11 when they can do loads & school work isn’t too much, then it’s more specialising in 1 or. 2 sports with more training sessions and school work ramps up, if they go onto competition level.