Help please - 'a downs daughter' - wrong term?

[OldLadyKnee]

Hello there - I'm thinking of writing an email, but wanted some outside views.

I've just spotted a podcast description where they talk of a character as having 'suffered bankruptcy, depression, the loss of an eye, the birth of a downs daughter, the loss of his first wife and being knocked down by a car.'

If I'm not being too picky I was thinking of emailing them to ask them to rethink this on two grounds.
Firstly, I always thought that the correct terms is 'a daughter who has Down syndrome' rather than 'a downs daughter'.

And secondly, I think it's just really horrible that they equate the death of a spouse and serious illness with having a child with Down syndrome. Yes, it's challenging, but I would struggle to think that we should view children with Down syndrome as some kind of tragedy.

Can anyone help me? Am I being too sensitive about this? I realise that this is just trivial stuff for a podcast, but I do think that words and attitudes matter.

Definitely "a daughter who has DS"
I think "suffered" is pretty offensive in that context too, but I can understand a child being affected by any additional needs/challenges could put stress on a parent.

You're overthinking this. They're describing a lost of life changing events, all that will have had varying effects on the person. They're not equating them all to be the same.

The term "downs daughter" is not politically correct, but nor is it offensive.

You’re thinking of sending an email about it but you’re not sure if the term is right? Unless you are absolutely offended by it why would you bother? What a waste of time.

You’re overthinking. For every parent/family that uses the term ‘dd with downs syndrome’ there will be another who would prefer you to use ‘Down’s dd’. It’s a minefield.

Is this relating to The Archers? If so I'd say the phrase is akin to the kind of fluffy, romanticising language they use.

(I'm not suggesting Downs is something that is fluffy or should be romanticised, but that the programme tends to follow that style.)

Do you have a child with Down's syndrome?

I would think that the birth of a child with Down's would be at the very least something of a shock and would need some readjustment and time to come to terms with, so I'm not sure that referring to it as 'suffering' is actually wrong. In any case, it's a very subjective term, surely and everyone's experience will be different - maybe that person found it a very traumatic time?

In what way is including this event in a list implying that all these things are equivalent in their impact or intensity? I think you are seriously overthinking this.

Suffered is so generic rarely means actual suffering

You aren't being oversensitive. I wouldn't like to think of someone with Downs Syndrome seeing the birth of someone with the same syndrome as them being included in a list of tragedies to befall someone.

Well Downs Syndrome can be pretty tragic. It’s not just a learning difficulty. There is a lot of suffering that comes with having a child with the condition. The agony of having to rush straight to hospital after birth to find out whether your child has a heart defect, regular hospitalisations, fear of sending them to school during flu season. Some parents are lucky in that their children are healthy but even for them the initial shock/waiting for testing etc must be distressing. I know that it sounds bad to say that someone suffered the birth of their child but in many instances births are actually very traumatic. I would say I suffered when my youngest was born (and then put in NICU). It was short term suffering and I absolutely do not regret that my son exists but the birth of a poorly child was a horrible experience.

I don't think that it is a waste of time to consider this kind of thing at all. I saw it, thought, ' They can't even be arsed to capitalised this or spell it properly', and I vaguely remember there being discussion on how people with children who have Down syndrome like them to be referred to and wondered if anyone more experienced could enlighten me.

It just smacks of carelessness.

I reckon that language evolves by people challenging it. This is especially true around disabilities. There are lots of phrases that were in use in the last 30 years or so that we would be horrified by now. I suspect that 'a downs daughter' might be one of them.

Just be thankful that we don't still call children with "downs" mongols, you really could be offended then.

'suffered...the birth of a downs daughter...'
It's offensive. The suffered is offensive. as is the "downs daughter".
It is referring to a male character who remarried later in life and his much younger wife, in her late 40s had an unplanned pregnancy.Tests revealed that there was a strong probability of Down Syndrome, and despite his reservations, the pregnancy went ahead. The baby, a little girl, had Down Syndrome. The family moved away a few years later.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0499thn
Sally was a youngish mum, who had no idea that her child had DS until a few days after he was born.

I don't understand why some people think you shouldn't write.

There's never anything wrong with politely expressing your opinion, and in this case, your opinion is that this is offensive/upsetting. I happen to agree with you, but even if I didn't, I'd still think it was perfectly fine for you to express that opinion.

If others disagree, fine. It's not as if you are Lord High Commissioner and have authority to ban the word on a whim, FFS - you're just responding to say what you thought.

Good post Sarah.

Thank you.

I complained to the BBC about a couple of things, and got replies that were in an 'Auntie knows best' tone. I suspect that they got a lot of complaints about one of them as the show didn't air for long afterwards.