Anyone up? Back in hospital

[Lobsterquadrille2]

Really stressed. Not sure what to do but breathe in, breathe out.

Why were you admitted?

No, my mother. Not sure when to pull DD back from university. They are so close.

Hiya, how can we help?

She's almost 90. I'm going to spend another night in the hospital. Which is ok, just not sure about DD. I have someone feeding the cat 😀

Will it help to tell the full story so we understand and can help?

Glad cat is ok, dd would want to be there, give her the chance to

Tell me what to do? Not sure if DD will forgive me if my mother dies but she's really got to work on her dissertation and she's aiming for a first.

Advice please 😀

Call her, this is no choice, she’ll have exceptional reasons for it being late if it come to it, she won’t forget if you don’t. My mum died in my final year of uni, I was there, I wouldn’t have given that up for anything

Regardless of this how are you??? This is your mum, do you want to talk?

Father died almost exactly a year ago. He was a remote individual, played the piano for Hitler, captured aged 19 on 1944. My mother seemed ok buy has had a heart attack ., I don't feel grief about him but I'm now really worried whether to get DD back. Her father has no involvement so it's just DM and me. But she had a 5,000 word essay lid a dissertation

She was so upbeat today.she lives. With a Mongolian girl and they were making dumplings for the year of the pig. She sounded so happy Nf productive. I'm going to wait, York to Kent is a while

Just going into ICU

My daughter at exactly the same stage as yours. I would also wait. Re-assess tomorrow, when you know more.

Hi - have they said that they feel you should bring your daughter over to say goodbye. I found that the staff were really wonderful when I went through this . They said that they thought time was slipping away. They were right .

With my dad they didn't suggest family come after his MI they were more upbeat and he came home again after, so what I'm trying to say is the staff often know the likleyhood of bouncing back or not - due to markers or signs they have seen before .

If you feel you daughter would be heartbroken if she didn't say goodbye - then perhaps you should call her. But if your mum is a fighter and looks to be bouncing back, maybe you won't need to ?

But in my honest opinion- it probably would be good for you to talk this through with her either way - that way you are involving her and letting her choose . Yes her dissertation is obviously important - but her granny and you are more important I would imagine

Thank you, that's kind of what I waned to hear. I can't sleep but don't want to cause her unnecessary grief. She had to come back for my father's funeral only a year ago. .

I'm in the hospital and as you say will asses tomorrow xx

Argh! I've avoided telling her anything this week. She's had (I think) a tough life - no father, mother drank until 10 years ago. Now o don't know. Ok, I'll stay in hospital until the morning and then have a plan. They are really close though.

My dad died when I was finishing my MSc, a similar distance from home (London to Newcastle). This was 25 years ago. I have always regretted that I hadn’t seen him for about 2 months before he died.

If your mother’s condition deteriorates, please tell your DD. The university might well allow an extension in such circumstances - she would find out more from her personal tutor or Student Services..

you need to give your daughter that chance.surely if it came to it she could speak to the uni about crcumstances

Yes , wait until morning and ask nurses.Then maybe tell daughter what they reported.I would also add that you and her grandmother would absolutely understand if she felt she had to stay at college at the moment.
But what about you, do you have any support ? Is there anyone you could be with.? It is hard to be alone . At 90 , it is sad that your Mum is possibly not going to recover.It would help if someone could be with you.Your daughter may really want to be there , so definitely tell her in the morning to give her that choice.
Sorry you are going through this.Losing a parent is never easy

I think you need to let your dd know.

She then needs to let the uni know.

My Nana died when I was at uni, it was expected, cancer everywhere and she was planning her own funeral the day before but my uni told me to go home and not worry.

Have they said how they are going to treat your mum OP? Have they done an angiogram?

I would have been so hurt if my mum hadn't told me bout it all week.
love and family is about trust nad allowing eacohter to be there for eacohter.it feels more in control that way to being in the know.
if you suddnely have to tell her now she might feel more gazumped than if she is in the know.
I know your scared yourself and trying to do the right thing.

My Gran died, whilst I was at uni, heart attack in the evening passed away early hours, there was no way I could have got home, Southampton to Liverpool.

My parents told me the news at 8am and I caught the first train home to be with them, uni were great giving extensions.

In some ways I'm glad I wasn't there as I remember my Gran as the amazing vibrant lady she was, not an empy shell. Saying goodbye to my other gran who had a long drawn out death through dementia was much harder.

No real advice I know but you, your mum and your daughter sound bloody lovely. Sorry it's such an awful time

Thank you all. DD wants to come back. She made me cry this afternoon actually. She said I'd raised her single handedly and it was the least she could do.

@VickyMcCluresAccentThough yes, both rather wonderful, even if I'm biased. Thank you xx