some advice please - bl**dy Y7 girls

[readingwreck]

Hi - genuinely confused on what to do on this one = appreciate any help.
Dd1 is at secondary (Y7). She's young, both in terms of her birthday and her attitude but we were delighted at how she settled. Made some good friends, and they've been round a few times.

I've been waiting for the fireworks - since I've heard Y7 is fairly up and down sometimes. This week suddenly it has all gone wrong and BFF 1 and 2 have decided to no longer speak to her - and have been deliberately goading her on WhatsApp (I know, I know, social media - with pictures of them out together without her, blah blah - new top lists of best friends with her not on them). She says she genuinely doesn't know what she's done - but I of course I don't really know. I suspect they've just got a bit fed up with her, and three's a crowd and all that. So we told her to go off with other friends, go to clubs. All the standard stuff. And that's been fine - she's upset but getting on with it.

Trouble is it is now BFF1's birthday and they're off this weekend for an expensive activity, and I assume not very many of them. DD1 is currently saying she is willing to go, but I can't see it will be very much fun for either her or birthday girl under the circs - birthday girl is literally not exchanging a word with her- deliberately moving away from her in queues etc.

DD has accepted party invite. Should she go? Should I say something to the Mum (who seems v nice) and give the family at least a 'get out' on taking DD? I don't want to be rude, or indeed to get involved. Not really in to forcing children to be friends with one another if it's not working. But I don't want either former BF(F!) to feel her birthday isn't what she wanted, or DD to have a miserable time, or the parents to have to deal with my sobbing daughter for an entire day activity?

Thoughts PLEASE?

Why does she want to go to the birthday party of a girl who is treating her badly? Now is the time to work on her self esteem and say ‘given how you’ve been treating me, it’s best if I don’t come’ and spend the weekend doing something more pleasant.

Have had exactly this situation I messaged the birthday child parent and just said girls appear to have had a bit of a fallout thinks it best to give them some space. I hope xyz has a fab birthday and hopefully this will all blow over as quick as it started.

And from experience several times over (year 7 is very hard with girls ) within a few weeks it’s all blown over and returns to normal till the next fallout with whoever is next on the list !
Good luck it does get easier x

I’d call the Mum if the birthday girl and she what she thinks.

Just keep it light and be honest “the girls appear to have fallen out. What should we do about the party? Don’t want to rudely pull out last minute but also don’t want the girls not to have a nice time”

Keep it friendly, no blame etc.

I would speak to her mum and thank her for the invite and explain why she won't be going. My DD is also year 7 and we have had a lot of this kind of thing! Her mum will then also have the opportunity to talk with her DD about the way she is treating your DD.

Just popped on to say thanks for thoughts.

Why does she want to go? Partly because she's accepted and bought the present for her 'friend'(which she is really excited about). Partly because we've dinned it in to her that when you say you are going to go to something you do so, otherwise you let other people down (we've dinned it into her not because of parties, but because she's in orchestras and things, where 'not feeling like it today' really isn't on). Partly because she quite likes the activity they are doing.

I don't encourage her to be a pushover, far from it. But she's a born negotiator, and one can bleed into the other sometimes.

I've contacted the mum - keeping it light - and we'll see what happens before Sunday. Hopefully we'll be clearer on what best to do.