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Original poster

Further isolated at work by comment... AIBU to feel pissed off

31 replies

cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:11

I work in a place that has circa 20 people. 10 in one Dept, 6 or so in another, plus me and 3 others in mine. 1 of those is road based, one is currently vacant and the other is my boss who is rarely here. Therefore I am generally on my own, upstairs in a huge office.

This has some good points to it - no disruptions, I manage myself and my day etc etc but I have voiced in the past just how isolating and lonely it can be and have hot desked in another department just to have some company and noise.

Today colleague from another department mentioned they were having a team lunch in the meeting room. I said "Oh, I wasn't aware" Meaning it's not in the diary, no-one had mentioned it. I am usually required to cover the phones when they are in a whole team lunch.

Colleague responded with "Well, I don't mean to sound horrible but why would we tell you - you're not in our team are you"

See above reason and just common courtesy when 50% of the workforce disappear and no-one knows where they are.

It's really gotten under my skin. Really. I feel alone enough in this fucking place as it is, let alone basically being told I am not part of a team.

I know it's childish but I don't get invited to my OWN department's lunches in the past because "I'm not sales" and have been excluded in the past from the commission scheme because I don't qualify - I was the only person out of them team who didn't qualify.

When voicing my feelings to a manager in the past, I was basically told that it's not their fault that there's no space downstairs, and even if there were, they wouldn't really want me sat with their team.

It's just really pissed me off and made me feel even more isolated.

So tempted to just think y'know what, fuck it, I'm going home. I am struggling a lot at the moment with health issues (I have ME, an underactive thyroid and depression and anxiety) but have hauled my arse into work so as not to let people down.

I genuinely don't know why I fucking bother.

OP posts:
lunicorn · 05/02/2019 10:16

Enjoy the silence or get a new job. Doesn't seem that there'll be much mileage in trying to change the the culture of where you currently work

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:17

@lunicorn Sadly I have to stick it out. I work 30 hours a week 9-5 4 days a week. It's almost impossible to find something similar around here to fit in with school.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/02/2019 10:19

I'm really sorry that you feel so hurt, but I'd try not to take this so personally. A lot of companies are siloed like this and they aren't excluding you personally. My irritation would be at not being told if they were expecting you to cover the phones, but if they haven't told you, they can't expect you to be free.

You're unlikely to be able to change the culture of where you work. I'm usually similar, I fit into two teams so don't really belong in either and that can feel isolating, but it's the nature of the job.

If you really hate it, it might be best to look for somewhere where you'd be part of a bigger team yourself. Are there immediate plans to recruit for your vacant position?

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:21

@AnchorDownDeepBreath They have been attempting to recruit for that position for approximately 10 months. Sadly, my colleague died last January and the role hasn't yet been filled. Lots of hopefuls but they have either turned the job down or failed our screening process. There is one in the pipeline at present but I shalln't hold my breath

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 05/02/2019 10:23

Make the most of the space and time on your own, can you have the radio on?
you can have the right heating for your very own wishes, compared to sharing office space,
you can eat what you want when you want, have a curry, have a boiled egg, no one will complain

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:25

@HoraceCope I do this anyway... hardly a perk

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 05/02/2019 10:28

can you go and chat with them more often?

HoraceCope · 05/02/2019 10:29

Can you join them for lunch on other days?

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:30

@HoraceCope No as they're busy on the phones. And they don't do lunches often.

OP posts:
Seeleyboo · 05/02/2019 10:30

I am totally alone. No one works with me. The only interaction I get is if the phone rings. I think of the perks. Coffee on tap. Radio on. Heating on and window open creating that nice breezy warmth. Watch a bit a Netflix. Read a book. Wouldn't change it. And best of all, No office BS

HoraceCope · 05/02/2019 10:30

speak to your manager op.
it cant be safe, you up there on your own

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:32

Usually I'm not too bothered and like Seeleyboo I just make the best of it. But then there are situations like today, and the gravity of the comment, where I just think "Fuck this"

OP posts:
RB68 · 05/02/2019 10:32

The correct response is - Did you mean to be so rude, I am well aware it is not all about me but you could at least book the room so others are not inconvenienced

HoraceCope · 05/02/2019 10:33

Hey, at least you can mumsnet Wink

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:34

@RB68 I responded with "Oh, trust me, I'm well aware I'm not part of your team" to which colleague responded "I didn't mean it like that..."

I'm part of their team when they're snowed under and need me, I;m part of there team when they need a favour...

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 05/02/2019 10:35

complain to the manager that they should have kept you informed at least

RB68 · 05/02/2019 10:35

In my dreams I would conjure up an event that required chocolate cake and send a general email around, then when they turn up for cake tell em to fuck off they are "not in your team"

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:35

I know mentally I'm not in a good place at the moment and tbh, that comment has nosedived me even further.

I just want to say to them, "Y'know what - you're all a bunch of selfish cunts and I can't stand any of you" But then I also need my salary.

I've had headache for days but hauled my arse in to work... I think perhaps it may be getting worse and I need to go home.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:36

@RB68 I like your style... You can be in my team... and have Cake

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 05/02/2019 10:40

I may have got this wrong, but I'm sure I recognise your username as someone who regularly has problems with work colleagues?

Are you now reaping what you've sown?

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:44

Are you now reaping what you've sown? Over 7 years of being here I have been bullied by one colleague and have had to raise an issue over another colleague being rude to me.

I always maintain a professional manner at work and yes, as we all are, sometimes may not be the brightest face, but that doesn't mean I should be ostracized from everyone.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 05/02/2019 10:46

My response would have been " as no one told me, you obvioisly don't need me to cover your phone's, which is good as I have lunchtime plans of my own". And then I'd go out.

prampushingdownthehighst · 05/02/2019 10:47

But cjt...I remember your thread from last week not wanting to go to a friends significant birthday, which is entirely your choice,but do you think that you maybe give off the "not wanting to join in" vibe?

HoraceCope · 05/02/2019 10:48

good idea starfish

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/02/2019 10:49

@prampushingdownthehighst As part of my anxiety I have a stupid thing where i want to do, and be included but then when it comes to it, i shy away and back out. I'm trying to deal with it.

The comment today was nothing to do with my anxiety.

OP posts: