Help!! How do I tell my 4 year old his pet has died???

[MessyMummy15]

Woken up this morning to find one of our pet tortoises has died!! 😫
Absolutely gutted!!
The first thing my son does every morning is go and see if they are awake so not much chance of replacing it before anyone suggests. He'll be up in an hour... what am I suppose to say?? 😭😭

Are you sure the tortoise isn't just hibernating as they are not due to wake up until April time.

Yes unfortunately not hibernating... 😣

Tell him it’s hibernating “they often do during February” then get a replacement one.

Honestly it’s a lie but it’s kinder at 4. He doesn’t need to know about dying pets yet if you can avoid it.

Just be factual and calm. He'll take his cue from your example.

There's not much you can do then except to just tell him :( Just explain to him that tortoise has gone to heaven. He will be upset of course and it will take time to get over it. Just comfort him.

Tell him he mustn’t touch it as well.

When the new one comes along you can relax.

Yes, make sure it's not hibernating. But if tortoise is dead then this is one of the ways children learn about death and dying. They'll be upset of course but they'll learn how to get through it. To try and shield a child from this is a mistake imo. There's nothing wrong with being upset and crying, it's part of being human. The good and the bad. If we didn't have one we wouldn't know the other.

I think you must be honest with him. When we had a similar situation, I was surprised how nonchalant our DS was, but he returned to the subject later on, so be prepared.

This is awful!!i keep hoping he will just suddenly start walking about. Did any of you have some kind of burial or something?

It's an ideal opportunity to talk about death. Don't shy away from it because he might get upset and don't just get a replacement as someone upthread suggested.

Explain to him what's happened, talk about how lucky you all were to have him in the family and yes, plan a burial in the garden.

Dealing with loss in life is really important.

We've buried them in the garden (hamster). My son found a container and some bedding. Then he put a stone with hamsters name on top lof the soil.

A cat was cremated then container buried in garden. I would have buried the cat without cremating but my son wasn't so keen so we had her cremated first.

Just be matter-of-fact about it and let him know it's ok to be upset if he is. It's an important part of learning about death, dealing with the loss of a pet. At that age kids don't really grasp the permanence of it so he may well not be that bothered at first. We had a beloved cat die when my daughter was that sort of age and she was sad for about 5 seconds then bounced around asking for a rabbit!

You should tell him the truth. Children welcome truth and one of the realities of life, is death. By the age of 4 our eldest had been to the funeral of x3 grandparents and we talked gently but openly about death and dying.
Please don't lie, tell him he's hibernating and buy another one. It's our role as parents to gently prepare them for life and this is an opportunity to do that.
Sorry for your loss

PLEASE make sure it is dead by taking it to a vet and asking them to listen for a heart or pulse using a doppler (an instrument they'd normally use to take blood pressure). Tortoises can appear dead and not be. I'm a vet nurse and you wouldn't believe the number of torts I've heard of who have dug themselves out of their "grave" a week later. Now THAT'S a tricky concept to explain to a 4 year old...!

I really hope @Chelonia is right.

I don't think you should lie about it. I say something like "I have some sad news to tell you. X has died" and then if they ask about that I explain that it means their bady has stopped working, and it normally happens when an animal is very old or very sick. I let the dc see the body if they want to, and we do bury them in the garden.

There's a good episode of Charlie and Lola called Goodbye Nibbles about their mouse dying, and also a book Goodbye Mog that talks about pets dying.

My husband died when DS was 2. The advice I was given was to keep it simple and factual. I'm sure the same applies to tortoises

Firstly check it really is dead. As pp have said they can appear dead but not be. I wish we had known that when we buried our childhood tortoise, I have always worried whether we killed it

If it definitely is dead then you should be honest. IMO pretending it is hibernating and lying is just so wrong. Children can understand death, yes they will be a bit upset, but they will get over it and move on really quickly.

Dead Parrot sketch

Just substitute "parrot" for "tortoise"

Simple and honest is best I think. Our dog died when DD was 3. We said he was very old and his body couldn't keep going. It was ok to be sad, Mummy was very sad too but we were very lucky to have such a lovely dog. We buried him on PIL farm and when we walk past we say hello.

Just tell the truth. Children deal with death better than adults.

My kids dad died suddenly when they were 4 and 2. I was totally honest with them and told them his body stopped working so he had died. He wasn't able to think or see any more as that's what they asked over and over again. We had had 2 cats die over the year before and I brought their bodies back from the vets for them to see. I explained that something had gone wrong with their body inside (cancer). I'm didn't say you get old and died as that's not always true, my husband was only 47 and one of the cats was 2. It's a fact of life and you can't shield them from it I'm afraid. Good luck.

Do what my mum did and buy a replacement.

#NotHelpful

@Chelonia
Are there any tips and tricks I can try at home? I'm 99% sure it's gone but have been trying various things suggested by internet users like
Putting in warm water... light pressure to his legs and head and he's currently directly under the heat light to try and warm him up a bit.
But so far he's not moving or responding to anything. He's very stiff and eyes are sunken in. :/
I will of course go to the vet but it's miles away and our car gave out yesterday so will have to see what trains go there. I not having a very good week. 😣

Agree with the majority that honesty is the best policy. Our much loved cat died when the dc were 4 and 6. Four year old dealt with it much better than the six year old. We had a little funeral and buried her in the garden, with a ceramic cat marking the grave. The dc chose a plant each to plant there too. Eldest dc still sometimes sits there and chats to her, two years on.