Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

engagement party presents?

15 replies

sunshineandshowers21 · 04/02/2019 22:17

a friend of mine - not particularly close, see each other socially a couple of times a month or so - recently got engaged and has arranged an engagement party. she sent out a text to everyone attending requesting that instead of presents we should just put money in a card so that she could use it to pay the deposit for the reception venue. is it just me that thinks this is quite rude? i’ve never actually been to an engagement party before so i was obviously going to get her a card but i wasn’t intending to buy a present. is it customary to give presents/cash on an engagement?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 05/02/2019 00:09

That does sound rude to me.
No, I don't think 'engagement presents' are expected.
Quite unusual to have a big party even.

IdleBetty · 05/02/2019 00:14

Engagement parties are grabby in my opinion.
Nothing wrong with a family meal or something low key to celebrate.

I'd buy them a voucher or bottle of bubbly. Not cash.

Original poster
sunshineandshowers21 · 05/02/2019 11:21

thank you for your replies! i’ve spoken to a couple of my friends about it and they’ve also agreed that asking us to essentially fund their wedding is rude so i’m glad it wasn’t just me being tight! the bride to be has also made it very clear that those who don’t or can’t attend the engagement party will not be invited to the wedding so i may just be ill on the day of the party and save myself from all the hassle 😂

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
bingoitsadingo · 05/02/2019 11:31

That's outrageously grabby.

The only gift I would ever take to an engagement party is a bottle of fizz (or equivalent).

IdleBetty · 05/02/2019 12:01

So the bride wants 2 lots of money?
In that case I wouldn't go to either.

Nottobesoldseparately · 05/02/2019 12:09

I never give engagement presents for parties, in fact I try to avoid going as I think they are cursed!

All the people I know who have thrown one, have either never actually got married Or been divorced/separated within a year!!

Mamadothehump · 05/02/2019 12:31

Very grabby. I wouldn't be going. If you choose not to, I'm sure you won't be the only one!!!

Friolero · 05/02/2019 12:55

Very grabby and rude expecting everyone else to pay for her wedding. She doesn't sound nice at all, especially saying if you don't go to the party you won't be invited to the wedding. I would happily decline!

IdleBetty · 05/02/2019 13:02

I'd be getting in there first to decline, before others do.

If you are one of the first, you won't get as much grief as the rest.

secondarymincepie · 05/02/2019 13:07

When my ex's sister got engaged, we were very kindly informed that instead of buying her and her fiancé a present, we could pay for the DJ for the engagement party instead Hmm
Ex and I had completed on the purchase of our own home the week before and the happy couple didn't even get us a card. It still rankles. And they're still not married.

Chingling · 05/02/2019 14:58

Surely the wedding will be within 3 months of the engagement.?

For an engagement gift some people give a small token from their chosen dinner service or glassware-just 1 glass or side plate etc

IloveJudgeJudy · 05/02/2019 16:55

I dislike engagement parties, too. My cousin had an engagement party with her first fiancé. We all gave presents. She then broke off with him (the right thing to do), kept the ring and didn't return any of the presents. (can you tell I'm still holding a grudge 10 years later? Grin

I do actually get on with my cousin really well, but that did irritate me.

poglets · 06/02/2019 16:55

The most you get for an engagement party is a bottle of fizz, in my experience. And you never ask for gifts. So vulgar. I would not be going to the engagement party.

EnidButton · 06/02/2019 17:00

I was told recently that engagement presents are a thing so glad to hear I'm not the only one who didn't know this.

People seem to want presents for every little milestone now.

EnidButton · 06/02/2019 17:02

Just read your second post, sorry I missed it.

Nah, don't go. Seriously, she's not that close anyway and the rudeness of her!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page