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Original poster

School refusal and IBS

17 replies

user122397743 · 04/02/2019 13:13

Have posted about this before so apologies if I'm repeating but situation has escalated.

DS (13, y9) has been suffering IBS symptoms for sometime and has been under the care of a gastroenterologist. The diagnosis is that the IBS is anxiety related (primarily to do with school) and DS has been seeing a psychologist for the last month or so.

Unfortunately things are getting worse and worse. Most mornings he is refusing to go to school, complaining of stomach ache. Am pretty sure some of the complaining is just so he doesn't have to go to school. This morning DH and I literally had to drag him out of bed and dress him. He then refused to leave the house to catch his bus so I had to drive him. All the time he was screaming and crying saying he hated school.
Says he hates the teachers and they hate him.

One saving grace is that he has loads of friends so sure as I can be he's not being bullied - I just really think he hates that school. He has asked to move schools but I'm not sure that would make any difference? Am faced with leaving him where he is and dealing with the daily fallout or move him and risk messing with the rest of his education.

Am exhausted and at my wits end - no idea what to do for the best. I didn't enjoy school much but accepted I had to go and that was that. DS works himself into such a state and nothing I can say or do makes any difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
user122397743 · 04/02/2019 15:27

Bump?

OP posts:
Ashamedgirl · 04/02/2019 15:57

As an ibs sufferer I was so embarrassed and felt ashamed I worked in London so a train and tube ride waking up every morning it became a vicious circle I felt better when I could work from home but it wasn't a solution I am on omeprazole I still have bad days but I have found stress makes it worse. It's not ideal but home schooling? A tutor ? Phased schooling speak to the head teacher. It is tough but u can find a way through it . Good luck x

Boomerwang · 04/02/2019 16:36

Are you absolutely sure his fear of school is down to IBS?

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TwitterLovesMAPs · 04/02/2019 16:38

I was thinking the same thing. What’s really going on at school? Sounds like there’s more to this than IBS.

Original poster
user122397743 · 04/02/2019 17:36

Yes there def is more to it but the IBS and school anxiety are totally entwined. One just makes the other worse. Don't know best way to deal with it

OP posts:
Original poster
user122397743 · 04/02/2019 19:37

Came home again saying he hates school and wants to move

OP posts:
Boomerwang · 04/02/2019 20:36

Well you've got the IBS addressed, and also receives mental health care, so the next step surely would be to go to the source of the school problem. Can you spy through a gate when he goes in? Can you talk to any of his teachers? Does he have a teacher he likes at all? If he has any friends you know of you could ask how HE (or SHE) is doing at school in the hope he might drop some info about your son. If you asked directly there's a risk of embarrassing your son if his friend tells him.

Sit him down and talk to him, ask what you can do to help and make sure he knows you're on his side at all times.

Passmethecrisps · 04/02/2019 20:40

Why does he think the teachers hate him? What awareness do his teachers have of his condition and what allowances are being made?

I think you need to have a meeting with whoever is responsible for pastoral care and try to get answers to these questions.

School toilets are often awful and many schools have rules forbidding access to toilets during class time. That on its own could be a factor to his issue

Flower777 · 04/02/2019 21:00

I moved my son to a different school and it worked out so well. I wouldn’t discount it unless it isn’t an option for you.

XmasPostmanBos · 04/02/2019 21:04

Are you getting any help from the school? Schools can be helpful about school refusal and esp if he is having problems with anxiety and the GP says this may be the cause of his IBS.

BeachtheButler · 04/02/2019 21:34

We moved our DD. It worked. TBH from what you say, I'd be looking to move him ASAP.

coldwinternights101 · 04/02/2019 21:36

I find it odd that he wants to move school if he has so many friends there.

I'd do a bit of digging op.

Original poster
user122397743 · 04/02/2019 21:52

He has a toilet pass which means he can leave a
classroom at any point.
All he says is he hates the school and teachers.

Will investigate the pastoral lead

OP posts:
Original poster
user122397743 · 04/02/2019 21:52

He has a toilet pass which means he can leave a
classroom at any point.
All he says is he hates the school and teachers.

Will investigate the pastoral lead

OP posts:
Haworthia · 04/02/2019 21:56

He wants to move schools so I think you should seriously consider it. I know you must be worried that he’ll start refusing to go to that one as well, but I think it’s worth a try. Maybe a fresh start is what he needs. It definitely sounds like he’s not going to have a change of attitude re. his current school.

foodenvy · 04/02/2019 22:17

Is his hatred of school down to the embarrassment of having to go to the loo? Toilet pass or not, having dodgy bowels at school is horrible. You know how mean kids can be. This type of anxiety is a vicious circle and very difficult to get out of because of the physical symptom. This happened to me at 14, it's hard to deal with at that age as you feel you're the only person going through it. I just had to learn how to deal with it but I really sympathize with your son. Eventually I was prescribed codine phosphate tablets which helped to slow the bowel. It is a habit forming drug so obviously you would need advice. Hope he finds something to help so he can get back to normal. I think if something like this can be nipped in the bud as quickly as possible it can help prevent the ingrained anxiety cycle.

foodenvy · 04/02/2019 22:30

Feel free to PM me as it's sounds like I went through the same thing. X

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