In tears over toddler behaviour

[meepmoop]

I've just been to our sing and sign class and my DS 18months has been doing his usual grabbing other kids, pulling hair and I just got so embarrassed I starting crying. I just can't seem to get him to stop. I'm always right next to him like a shadow but he's so quick.

No other toddlers I'm around display this behaviour. I go to at least two groups a week and he seems his cousin who are 2 1/2 at least 3 times
a week as well so he's always around other children.

The other mums are lovely and so is the teacher I just don't know what to do.

I say no, grab him and take him away to the corner but it doesn't make any difference. He doesn't say any words yet so doesn't understand what I say to him.

What can I do?

Thank you

Please don’t beat yourself up over this, you are being consistent and dealing with the behaviour as it happens. What more can you do?

The other parents and teachers have reassured you, while not nice he is only 18 months and it can be normal behaviour. Is he hurting the other children?

Keep telling him no, firmly, and practising kind hands.

Have a cuppa and be kind to yourself x

Just because he doesn't say words yet doesn't mean he doesn't understand them! However, there's no point going into long explanations. A short, sharp "No" is sufficient, and removing him as you have been doing. It's more about the tone of voice showing disapproval than anything you say. Also, don't waste emotional energy on being embarrassed - as long as the others see that you're trying to correct his behaviour, they won't think badly of you.

Sounds like a normal toddler to me! Just be consistent in saying no and removing him from the object of his grabby desires. He won’t do this forever.

Out of interest, is it just in the groups that he displays this behaviour or does he do it to his cousins too?

Thanks for replying, I'll keep doing what I'm doing. It just seems so relentless and it's always him that's doing it.

He doesn't do it maliciously, I think he thinks he's playing. He seems to get over excited and then can't control himself

@MoMandaS he does it to his cousins to

Even though he can't speak, he will be able to understand a fair amount. Language comprehension develops ahead of speech. You will just have to be firm and consistent and keep your language simple and in the here and now.

Have you considered trying a different type of class? My lad is nearly 15 months and he doesn't like things where he is expected to sit nicely in the same spot. Maybe try one of those groups in a big church hall where he can run around a bit and explore the room and toys. Failing that maybe just take him to the park or beach so he can run off steam without too much contact with other kids until this phase passes.

Please don't beat yourself up. My son was exactly like this, I found the classes so stressful cause I was in a constant state of alert ready to pounce and stop him hurting any other children! There was never any malice in his actions - he was just exploring and learning to interact. Like you, all the other parents were really kind and relaxed about it which helped - I used to envy those with children who just sat quietly on their laps throughout!

Anyway, I persevered and I'm so glad I did. My son is 2 and a half now - he loves the class, interacts really well and follows mine and the teachers instructions. Like everything else it was just a phase - around 18 months was probably the worst bit and things were much improved by the time he was 2.

My 20 month old is like this. He hit a little girl in the face with a car at play group last week, I could have cried too!! I deal with it the same way you do, saying no firmly and removing him from that area, it's all we can do! I keep telling myself it's phase that quite a lot of children go through, let's hope it doesn't last long for either of us!!

He does go to a group in a church hall, he is better there but will still do it if the other kids are rolling around or a bit close.

Would isolating him from other kids make it worse though as he won't learn how to be around other kids in the long run?

@fieldofwheat that sounds promising, I'm glad yours has grown out of it. I really hope DS does to

My son is exactly the same! He's also 18 months. I feel like he's always the naughty one. We went to a singing class last week and he was trying to run away and then when the instruments came out he threw them at the other kids! He doesn't have any speech really but I do the same as you and say no and take him away. It's really hard sometimes and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I hope he'll grow out of it, I don't have any advice but you're not alone

Thanks @Seahawk80 it's nice to know it's not just me. It's very lonely having the grabby child

Mine had always been like this. I've got a grabby/shovey (just turned) two year old. People probably think I'm a helicopter parent because I have to be on him constantly at groups. It's mortifying when he's hit another child. I say NO firmly, get hold of his hands and take him off quickly "we do not hit, it is not nice to hit, we have kind hands" and then "say sorry to X for hitting please.. Would he/she like a cuddle?" and repeat. Consistency, and hoping that in six months he'll have grown out of it is what's getting me through.

He's rough and tumble generally, soft play with larger children and he doesn't give a shit about being shoved back. He is, generally a delightful, happy, pleasant little boy, except when he's walloped someone. I had never anticipated having the child that was "spirited" "strong willed" "full of energy" but he's also two, they're tiny, finding their feet and discovering cause and effect, consequence etc.

He'll grow out of it. I've told my husband, if he hasn't, and is showing signs of being a scrapper, he's going to boxing or karate or some other sport when he's three to learn discipline

Be kind to yourself, OP You're doing the right things. Toddlers do this sometimes and it's part of life, but it can be so stressful. The only time it's unacceptable is if the parent is ignorant of it, and you're clearly not. Others will see that you're dealing with it. It will pass.