Dealing with low-level trauma

[YellowBlankets]

I’m interested in advice or others’ experiences with coping with low level trauma as I need it.

My daughter (6) was playing on some swings a couple of weeks ago and asked me to push her. I was happily sat on a bench and have been trying to get her to be more independent anyway so said she could swing herself and she did then fell off and broke her arm so badly we had to stay in hospital for two nights. She’s ok but I just can’t get the moment she fell out of my head, as well as the hospital stay etc.

But I know it was fine and I’m lucky and no one died but I’ve felt really low and on edge ever since. And I also feel daft and guilty and all the other emotions.

Does anyone have any advice?

I’m usually really resilient (no mh issues)

I find that I'm more able to settle after a traumatic event once I can talk things through with someone in a more relaxed and supportive setting.

It's natural to be unsettled in thinking back about what happened, because those events are associated in your mind with a surge of adrenaline and a lack of control. By talking about it in a safe setting, you begin to re classify those memories as something less scary.

That’s great advice thanks

Firstly,

There's often no rhyme or reason to why things affect you so much. You could go decades with no mental health issues and then suddenly an event can turn you towards anxiety that lasts a long time. Don't let anyone, including yourself, make you feel silly for reacting the way you have.

It is worth taking your feelings seriously, which you are already doing by asking for advice.

I second the idea of talking to someone though you would know whether you have a trusted friend or whether it's something worth talking to a counsellor about even just for one session.

Writing things down (eg journalling your thoughts & feelings) can help too. Simple meditation like the headspace or Calm app might also be worth considering.

I find it helps to be honest because of you are trying to reframe an event it's harder - not saying you are at all. But for example if you just didn't want to get up and push her /show her how to swing rather than the more positive 'encouraging independence' maybe just admit that to yourself? There's nothing wrong with it, but you then get to accept you made the wrong call.

I'm not saying that's the case but if it is, that helps me. And I've definitely made the wrong call before.

Otherwise I think you need to accept that you are part of the spectrum of accidents that happen to kids. There are hundreds every day and it's just life.

Would it be reassuring to hear that two weeks is early and most trauma naturally resolves given a bit more time? Just wondering because it sounds like you're panicking that it hasn't already and might turn into something bigger.

That’s all helpful x

And that’s a good point about reframing. I think I was just being lazy

She didn't fall because you were being lazy though. We've had swings in our garden for years and dc have been using them independently since about 4. A 6yr old should be perfectly capable of using a swing but accidents do happen and that's all this was. Lots of people break their arm and often through the most mundane activities.

I would feel guilty if I were you too, purely because as their mum I have an unrealistic expectation that they should never get hurt. It's a pressure we put on ourselves but it doesn't make everything our fault.

No i didn't mean being lazy, like a blame thing.

I just meant it's easier for me to get past stuff if I don't try to repackage it.

Plus parenting is tough and time consuming - not wanting to get up is perfectly acceptable.

definitely try to speak to a counsellor so a qualified stranger can tell you did nothing wrong and it was not your fault.

I'm an unqualified stranger but here it is anyway: you did nothing wrong and it was not your fault!

The thoughts are very intrusive. I agree that not trying to change the scenario in your mind would help somewhat because it's a painful experience. You will eventually make peace with it - a couple of weeks ago is not that long ago at all.

A lot of the anguish must also come from the 'what ifs' and seeing your little girl in so much pain.

What I found helped/helps me is to give the thoughts time to run through me when I am in a calm and relaxed setting. If the thoughts appear for example in the morning when I'm getting ready for work then I block them because it's not the right time. I understand easier said than done but I've found it very helpful.