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Am i doing the right thing or am i selfish?

5 replies

sabrina1234 · 03/02/2019 16:05

So my boyfriends dad is dying of cancer in a hospice. I have not yet met his parents and we have been together for 2 years, this is because in our culture our parents would prefer us to get married if they knew we were dating.
Anyways, the past month has been extremely difficult, his condition is deteriorating rapidly and he is at the end of his life. I have been going to meet up with my boyfriend and staying over at his place whenever he has needed Me and have constantly been going to see him when he's been upset as well check up on him every single day by texting/calling.
I am a nursing student and the place where I am doing my nursing placement on have been concerned about my absence, they have not given me a chance to explain why I have taken some days off and are giving me a bad report.
Now I was supposed to go see my boyfriends dad in the hospice this week on Thursday but my bf is saying on Monday, I cannot do this as I am supposed to be having a meeting on Monday at placement and asked if Tuesday would be okay so that I can arrange a day off and explain what's going on. He got angry at me and told me to leave it as he's worried about other family members coming to the hospice at the same time I'm there and finding out about us. I told him if anyone was to come I'd leave and would stay even if it was only for an hour. I feel guilty, but I don't want to put my career on the backseat and sacrifice all the handwork I have done. Is this selfish or am I being logical about this.

OP posts:
Tweety1981 · 03/02/2019 16:07

Well ... he just needs to make u both official so you can go there whenever you want to !

Tweety1981 · 03/02/2019 16:09

And no you can’t go there whenever he says ... because you have your work and studies to attend to . As you are not his official partner and not recognised or knob in his extended family you have been placed in a difficult situation . You have been as supportive as you can be . He is probably a bit stressed and this will blow over .

Tweety1981 · 03/02/2019 16:09

Lol not knob ! I meant known

BigMandy · 03/02/2019 16:28

You need to stop sacrificing your own life for his. "They have not given me a chance to explain why I have taken some days off" Eerrr - sorry this sounds like you are just taking random days off without prior agreement? Of course you'll get a bad report?!
Don't waste a great career opportunity for a boyfriend who barely acknowledges you. Concentrate on making up what you have missed and stay out of the family politics.

FaithInfinity · 03/02/2019 16:40

You really need to be in touch with your uni and placement about your absence. What have you been taking time off for? By not communicating with them you’re putting your career at risk. (And yes I do know, because I’m a nurse and my Mum had cancer while I was doing my management placement).

I imagine your boyfriend is very stressed at the moment and is struggling to know what to do for the best. But you do need to be firm about getting into placement. He should understand that.

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