Turning 40- help me kill the frump

[gonnabe40]

Im coming up to the big birthday (40). I don't feel it (does anyone?) and my husband (and consequently some of my/our friends) are younger by 10 years although I socialise with a range of ages. Not sure if that's relevant. I have always been a "do-er" and quite energetic / fit, but recently I have really started noticing my age whenever I look in the mirror, and generally feeling "dowdy"!!

I am trying not to put myself down too much because I know I am a nice person and I don't mean to say that I think I'm old and ugly or whatever, - I have my lovely features- and I try to look after myself. What I'm feeling is that I would really love a bit of a boost in terms of feeling and looking good, in respect of this age in particular- turning 40. It feels like a real significant birthday and turning point going from youngish to proper middle aged- I know this isn't necessarily a reality but something our sexist media perpetuates.

I still shop in H&M / New Look / TopShop but increasingly the clothes aren't flattering, but when I look at shops targeting my age (Hobbs, Jigwaw, Cos??) I feel they're targeting more business women or older people- or is that just my perception?!!

I do feel my clothes look "cheap" and are not flattering to my body. At the moment I am resorting to the same pair of jeans and one of 3 bobbly jumpers to wear everyday (I work freelance) and feel like my skin and hair are rubbish. My hair has a few greys which I've started covering up, and it doesn't grow as well as it used to, and my hands look older. I am working harder to keep slim but it doesn't always work, and although I gave up drinking last year I had a bit of a boozy new year. Some of this sounds like January blues as well.

I am booked to go on a beach holiday with some younger friends this summer and for the first time I am feeling that I might be self conscious about my older body. Which I don't want to be!

I see glamourous 40+ people and make a mental note that I don't want to become a frump.

To top it all off I feel the guilty feminist about all of this!

I know there's a lot of work I can do in boosting my self esteem and feeling good. I do a lot of meditation and mindfulness and try to manage my negative self talk. Btw my DH is lovely and fancies me rotten, so this is for my own self.

Some practical tips and support from anyone else who has successfully managed this 40 thing would be much appreciated! Fashion / beauty tips, support or thoughts from gorgeous 40's?

Thanks x

I let my grey grow through and look much healthier for it. I still buy clothes from H&M, Zara, Mango as well as Adolfo Dominguez, Desigual, Massimo Duti (yes, more expensive Zara, same company!), some supermarkets bits.

I wear wtf I want and take care of my skin and nails, always groomed, minimal makeup. I'm not in the greatest shape (getting there!) but still live in my bikini for 3 months of the year.

I don't try to look younger, I try to look healthy. I'm a crashing moose! But I have sparkly eyes, smile a lot and enjoy my life.

Happy Birthday

Thanks elQuinto - how wonderful you feel able to not give a f#%* and feel so confident in your skin.

I am slightly older than you and find this age linerating. I shop in the same shops and combine those things with “posher” things which I have picked up from sales.

Beach? I still go topless. The world is full of mixed ages.

Style? I think painted toenails and flamboyant jewellery look good. More arty than pricey; look in galleries!

White trousers in summer and never underestimate the humble dress; long sleeved in winter. Different accessories can turn it into a different outfit. Tights at 3 times the prive can produce 4 times the look.

Treat yourself to reviewing all your makeup.

Finally, nice underwear. Putting something good on first thing helps to make you feel good about uour day.

Hi OP, I’m turning 40 this year too!!
I know what you mean - I look in the mirror sometimes and boy, I sure don’t look like I used too
Things I do to help not to feel “old”:
Be grateful every day to be alive and healthy! Many people I know aren’t, so I keep telling myself how lucky I am
Eat healthy most of the time
Go to the gym - as a result of this and the healthy eating I am more fit and in better shape than I have ever been (though still have plenty of wobbly bits!)
Just had a huge tattoo done all over my back and shoulders and I love it!
Still wear my nose ring
Wear whatever the fuck clothes I like from whatever shop! But I am quite strict with getting rid of clothes that are past their best! Once they look old and washed out/bobbly/frayed they are going!
Drink plenty of water and have a very cheap but good skincare routine so I have nice skin
Moisturise every day
I colour my hair - I can cope with wrinkles but no way will I have grey hair! My hair is nearly waislength and one of the things I really like about myself.
Have fun and not give a fuck about what others think
Seriously, remember you will never be as young again as you are right now! Try and embrace yourself/your body and don’t care what everyone else thinks. I’m slightly bemused that I will be 40 soon as I don’t feel that age at all, but I’m not bothered by it in the slightest. After all, it really is just a number!

Sorry, I’ve just read that back and realised I sound incredibly smug. I don’t mean it like that at all. I guess I was just trying to say I do as many things as possible to help me feel good about myself and embrace the skin I’m in and it’s definitely helping with not feeling down about getting older.

I don't try and compete with those younger, that's my secret. Plus I have 3 friends and a close relative all undergoing chemo, so I'm just glad to be a healthy 43yo.

The mother's if ds' schoolfriends are: those covered in makeup, those who look like perpetual students, lentil-weavery types, look like alternative types but in subtle expensive clothes, well-off designer types... They're all fairly down to earth and mix with everyone else. I cannot see anyone in obvious competition with other women.

I can't say I feel 'comfortanle' in my skin, it is what it is. But when I leave the house I make sure I look decent enough not to scare small children, and that's it!