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Original poster

Advice, unwanted pet

47 replies

Menstruatrawring · 02/02/2019 20:47

I know this will get me flamed to some extent. But I need advice I land I’m asking in the hope there is some advice between the flames.

My children were bought a pet kitten, off gumtree of all places. Obviously the surprise of it, brought into the house with a load of bits and shown it was hard to then say ‘no’ in front of them. I was pissed off to put it mildly. But I’ve really tried to make it work over the last 3 months. Gumtree woman I wouldn’t think would have him back, and the person who gave him didn’t want him. I was blindsided tbh, in hindsight maybe an instant foot down should have been my response

He was at my guess a bit too young, he’s been hard work. He’s trashed so much, we can’t alarm the house (I’m paranoid as we’ve been burgled a few times) and he’s not great with having a toddler. I’m constantly controlling positive interaction with a child too young. He’s also got an annoying personality. I sound horrible, but before we had a mild mannered stray way. This one lives to trip you, he’s constantly into everything and mess making. It makes me stressed on top of four under 8, I don’t need the extra work. He’s causing arguments. I don’t have a clue what to do with him in the summer and he’s not a financial obligation I need right now. We live on a busy road too and I don’t want to let him out.

What’s done is done to an extent. No point dissecting it, but what would people do for a way forward? Wait to calm into an adult? Re-home whilst young? Can it be done in a positive way? I’m not wanting to through him out on his ear, but it is something I’m wondering if it’s best.

I feel like a right cow now wanting this cat, but I’ve honestly been trying to like it. Kids adore him but are too young for responsibility and one is not great poking etc and I’m constantly watching. It’s stressful

OP posts:

Coronapop · 03/02/2019 11:25

It sounds as though it would be sensible to rehome now, while the cat is still young. Giving a pet as a gift is unreasonable.

bobstersmum · 03/02/2019 11:28

If you are in lancs I might be able to offer him a home.

Weedsnseeds1 · 03/02/2019 11:33

I think rehoming via a rescue may be the best option.
It's not peak season for kittens at the moment so should be room.
If the children aren't old enough not to be rough, or indeed, help look after the kitten, it will all fall to you and you don't sound keen at all.
Cats can live to 15 or 20 years old. Yes, it will calm down as it gets older, but if you don't want a pet and don't really have a suitable environment, a rescue is the best option.
Your relative is an idiot though for putting you in that situation.

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Cats

YetAnotherSpartacus · 03/02/2019 11:33

What a sad situation :(. Rehome the poor cat through a rescue (see thecatneuterer's advice - she knows her stuff) and bollock the idiot who bought you the kitten.

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/02/2019 11:33

What a fuckwit buying kids a kitten as a present & a single one to boot so it’s got no playmates.

Has he been castrated? It makes a difference to male kits.

Re-home through a charity, they can put him on their website.

Weedsnseeds1 · 03/02/2019 11:38

A lot of rescues will help you re-home from home, too, so the kitten doesn't necessarily have to go to the rescue centre first.

LanaorAna2 · 03/02/2019 11:44

I agree with everything The Cat Neuterer said.

Justonedayatatime11 · 03/02/2019 11:47

Thecatneuterer couldn't have put it better. She knows her stuff, please take her advice

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 03/02/2019 11:50

Totally agree with Cat Neuterer. Where in the UK are you OP? If you’re in Essex I know one or two cat rescues who would take the kitten for you and get him fostered ready for rehoming.

Its a difficult situation to be in but not impossible to sort out. You can get the cat rehomed safely through a rescue.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 03/02/2019 11:53

With the children it might be best to point out the busy road and say he wouldn’t be safe but that you can get him a new home where he would be safe. It’s hard and inevitably there will be tears but they will recover and you’re also teaching them a very valuable lesson at the same time about responsible pet ownership.

Say he has been very happy with you but he needs a safe home where he can go outdoors now. You’re doing the right thing for him. but it’s hard.

WinterWife · 03/02/2019 11:56

It's really cruel to keep a cat indoors, OP,

I have 2 cats who are perfectly happy being housecats thanks!

OP, I believe as previous people have stated is the fact this cat is lonely and needs a companion but I doubt this is an option for you and your family so I'd consider rehoming.

Best of luck, never done it myself but can't imagine it being easy.

VenusClapTrap · 04/02/2019 09:29

@Menstruatrawring did you decide what to do? I’ve been thinking about your little stripey troublemaker. I wish I could pop over and take him.

Original poster

Menstruatrawring · 04/02/2019 09:58

We’re still talking, tbh the main road is my main worry.

I partly gave up on the thread though due to the presumption that I’m not taking care of him with vax, neutering and fleas etc! I’m not really in the best place for a cat, but I’m not an arsehole

OP posts:

Lycanthropology · 04/02/2019 10:22

What an idiot your relative was, dumping a pet on you unexpectedly!
I hope you find a solution that you're satisfied with soon OP, for your and your kitten's benefit.
Yes, it was quite baffling that a PP would presume you're not looking after your cat properly. Not surprised you were annoyed by that.

VenusClapTrap · 04/02/2019 10:53

Ignore those comments. I think it’s pretty obvious you’re trying to do the best thing for him in difficult circumstances. But I would say, if you are going to re-home him, you need to do it ASAP while he’s still a kitten.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/02/2019 11:16

I read those comments as being the state kitty was in when he was dumped on you (poor kitty and poor you). It's great that you have seen to his physical needs. I don't think anyone is judging you. I think we all feel for everyone involved in this situation (except the idiot who gave a cat as a gift).

Ethel80 · 04/02/2019 11:23

Your relative is a dick! I'd look at rehoming, as others have said, the cat is still young and won't be in rescue for long I'd guess.

The road is a concern and you're never going to be able to keep the cat in with young children in the house and having to keep doors and windows shut in summer is crazy.

Kittens are hard work and a single kitten is much harder than a pair in my experience. When we had our brother and sister, they played with/tortured each other so they left us alone a bit more. Our single kitten was like the devil cat for the first year at least when he calmed down a bit but he clearly needed a playmate.

Original poster

Menstruatrawring · 04/02/2019 11:48

We did have a cat, but he was ex- stray. He bothered no one and was SO chilled. He’d already grown up near the road. Tbh I’m not sure if missing him colours my judgement. Old cat was my calm mate, he kept to himself all day but we had night time chill together every evening when everyone else was in bed. I really miss him. I always said I’m not a cat person, but he was cool. I’m not sure if part the issue is kitten is his polar opposite. Old cat ignored kids or was calm near them, new cat follows them and tries to force play and that’s where the issue is. But he’s a kitten...
Old cat was already near a main road, so I didn’t feel like I brought him to danger. He chose us too, he was not chipped. I think part the plan was to replace him, but I didn’t plan to.

OP posts:

brownmare · 04/02/2019 11:51

Thecatneuterers advice is spot on, your circumstances aren't right for a cat just now and I think it will be a load off your mind, and the kitten will probably end up in a home where he has all his needs met and much loved. (not saying you aren't meeting his needs btw, but you need to actively want to own a pet, not have one foisted on you.)

BarbaraofSevillle · 04/02/2019 11:55

Contact a local rescue (not RSPCA and probably not cats protection) who will be able to put him into foster care. You are lucky in a sense that you will probably find one with space at this time of year, but don't leave it much longer as once we get into kitten season from April/May we have to prioritise the younger kittens.

I foster cats and as well as all the ferals with kittens, we do take in quite a few cats like this and also sometimes take the 'free to good homes' from Gumtree etc as often these otherwise end up in the hands of dog fighters .

We don't usually rehome kittens on their own and don't rehome them to families with DC your age either, or to people who live on busy roads, because as you have found out, people in your circumstances are often unable to give the kitten a suitable home.

If he goes into foster care, he will live as someone's pet in their home with someone who has the time to give him attention without lots of young DC pestering him while his personality is observed so a suitable home can be found for him.

brownmare · 04/02/2019 12:00

If you feel you'd like to still have a cat, then maybe the rescue would be happy for you to take an older, calm house cat that was okay with children? Cats personalities vary so much, there will be one that fits with your family IF you wanted one, but best to use a reputable rescue and be totally honest and upfront about what would work with your family and location and I'm sure they'd help match one to you.

TheNoodlesIncident · 04/02/2019 14:51

I had to rehome one of my cats, CPL shelters were full but they have a service where they advertised her and vetted the prospective new owners as they would if they visited the shelter. In the meantime the cat stayed on in our house until her new home was agreed on. Would you be able to do something like that? I agree your home situation isn't ideal, however well you're looking after him.

I do miss my cat, but she and the other cat were getting ill with the stress of living together, and ultimately it was in their best interests to be separated.

I hope you find a solution soon

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