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Need advice on what to do about mother in law

17 replies

kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:05

Basically my mother in law has MS and I know usually this is a very serious condition but I feel as though she uses it to be nasty or to get her own way. Basically it's obviously she doesnt like me, she told me to get an abortion with my second child (partner didn't defend me at all) She goes to the pub every night and gets very drunk. She comes to see us once every 3 months and never has the kids. She has her other grandkids quite often and overnight too which also annoys me as there always seems to be an excuse when it comes to mine. Her mother also has MS and when we went to visit my mother in law she went to bed with a hangover and when her mother rang to check on her she told me to answer and say she was Ill in bed and of course her mother assumed it was an MS attack but mother in law didn't correct her. When she gets drunk she crawls on the floor and stays up until 9 in the morning. My partner is constantly making excuses for her even when shes blatantly nasty to me in front of everyone. I'm finding it hard to keep my mouth shut but if I say something everyone thinks she's the victim. We have money saved for a mortgage but my partner is now saying he wants to buy her council house for her and let her live there for five years, sell her house and buy her a flat for £70,000 whilst we rent. She's up for him doing this even know she has a lot of savings according to my partner. Not sure if I'm taking this the wrong way or if I shouldn't be annoyed:(

OP posts:
Designerenvy · 02/02/2019 18:12

Well, first off I'd be relieved she doesn't take the kids overnight , if she gets drunk and has to literally crawl home, thank y our lucky stars on that one.
Secondly, you and DH have saved well to get your own place and I don't think it should be spent on MIL. I'd be fuming .
She sounds nasty and controlling.
You need to talk to DH about the money situation before it's too late.

kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:16

I have spoke to partner and told him I won't be contributing anymore to the savings as I'll get my own mortgage for me and the kids. I just feel like I'm pushed out constantly she always comes first it seems!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 02/02/2019 18:17

Why would you want someone with what sounds like a drunk problem looking after your D.C.?Confused

And no, don't buy her council house.

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Fairylea · 02/02/2019 18:20

So she’s an alcoholic.

You want as little as possible to do with her.

kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:23

I don't want her looking after them as such just to at least visit them and treat them like she treats her other grandkids.

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kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:24

my partner constantly talks about how amazing she is, most of his stories from when he was younger are about him in the pub with her etc she doesnt do much for him but whenever I mention this he says she's disabled and I'm being nasty...

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Designerenvy · 02/02/2019 18:25

Kia be grateful she doesn't visit more often .... seriously, she sounds nasty.
Glad u spoke with DH , he might wake up and smell the roses now

kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:26

I really hope he does! it's getting so hard now, her whole family assume she doesn't drink and smoke etc she doesnt see them often so she paints a picture of being nice. It's so frustrating!

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zebakrheum · 02/02/2019 18:29

Your DP is enabling her, and sticking up for her when she is unpleasant to you. That is a really unhealthy dynamic, and it won't change. He's as much of a problem as she is.

FabulouslyFab · 02/02/2019 18:30

I don’t think it’s as easy to buy a council house that you aren’t actually livibg in as your DP thinks? They are generally quite good at spotting get rich quick schemes.
If you put it in MIL’s name you could lose it ....

kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:31

I have been thinking that recently. He says she doesnt mean what she's saying and it's not her fault as her ms means her brain doesn't work the same.

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kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:32

I won't be allowing him to buy her house anyway, we have two kids the think about and any money i save will be a deposit for a house for us. I've told him be can waste his money if he wants but I won't!

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kiaxxx · 02/02/2019 18:35

Another thing mt partner said was that her ms makes her head shake and the only thing that stops this is alcohol. I've told him that sounds like alcoholism but once again the excuses come out!

OP posts:
jellymaker · 02/02/2019 19:46

Does her consultant know she is an alcoholic? If she is taking any medicine for the MS, she ought to tell them

kiaxxx · 03/02/2019 15:17

no she pretends she doesnt drink but when we were living with her a few years ago she hid vodka under the potatoes in the fridge and vodka at the back of the cat food

OP posts:
RenterNomad · 06/02/2019 07:27

Of the money you've already saved with your H, is your share in a joint access account or your own account? Not just what you save from now on, but what you've already saved.

PixieDust92 · 06/02/2019 21:56

When she is hiding alcohol you know she has a problem. Why should you put your hard earned cash into a house for her... what makes her more important than your children? Your partner makes way too many excuses for her. No way would I put money in for a house for her when you're saving for one yourself. She's sound selfish and venomous.

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