Do you wake up your teens?

[Canshopwillshop]

My DC’s are 14 and 12 and I always go in to wake them up on school days. They aren’t allowed their phones in their rooms at night and don’t have alarm clocks. I was interested in some comments on another thread which suggested that this sort of behaviour was pandering and not teaching independence. They are independent in lots of other ways but wonder if I should be encouraging them to wake up/get up themselves?

My lot have had their phones as alarms but are good at sleeping through them. Dh always went in and gave them a nudge. Two are now living independently and haven't not turned up for work or uni because they've overslept so I don't think we turned them into helpless adults.

Ds12 gets himself up , Dd19 is another story completely, she'll set an alarm but still not get up, she's missed so much college this term already

Mine have alarm clocks. One is up before me and the other needs 3 alarms and us waking her.

No phone in bedroom but alarm clock..Also has to take full responsibility for kit (including putting it in the wash), cooking ingredients, getting to school on time etc. I'm not a fucking domestic slave, if my kids are physically able to do it and its age appropriate (make drinks/simple food/put a wash on) then they will. Otherwise they are being waited on for no other good reason than the fact that I've sucked up some patriarchal bollocks about my role as a 'mum'. Fuck that

Bonkers, of course I wake DS up!
However I do only call him and tell him the time once. Both DH and I leave the house before him and there is just the one school bus so it's either get up and be on time or miss the bus and have to walk three miles across the fields to school.
His timekeeping is impeccable now 😆

No, I don’t go in & wake them up. It changed from me waking them up to alarms being set when our routine changed, it made life easier, it wasn’t ‘to teach them’ or whatever. If our routine hadn’t changed I’d probably still be waking them up until they were grumpy about it...then they’d have had to get themselves up, like it or not.

However, I do listen out for signs of life and if I don’t hear any by a set time I call to check they’re awake.

Showers at night (their preference), everything by the door the night before, uniforms ready the night before, (home assembled) breakfast in the car (long drive to school, everyone’s happier this way, it’s far more relaxed) so just dressed and teeth cleaned.

There’s absolutely no issue with waking them up though if it works for your family. When getting themselves out the door on time for uni/work/when you want them to is plenty early enough to set their own alarms. It’s not like setting an alarm & getting up is a terribly tricky thing to learn.

They have their phone in their room. They’re good at putting them on the hard stand and not being on them too late

@wineandcatsandlego - no definitely not that mum but it was the replies she got her that got me thinking about the alarm clock thing.

@hettie - think I touched a nerve - I never said I waited on them, I simply give them a shake to wake them on school days!

@dox - it’s not that I can’t afford bloody alarm clocks, it’s just never occurred to me to go out and buy them as DH and I use our phones and I’ve just always woken the kids up! Sorry if that’s a bit tricky to understand.

Are you going to buy them now OP?

I just holler from the bottom of the stairs. At the weekend when they play sport they get themselves up.
Today it was 11am before anyone got up. It's been a hell of a week and as we get older DH and I seem to find getting out of bed harder and harder!

I wake my 17 year old up, whats the big deal?

my mum always woke me up, didn't stop me leaving home at 18 and travelling across North America alone

it takes a lot more than an alarm clock at age 13 to make a kid independent

@Canshopwillshop wasn't meaning to be a personal/directed at you thing. I just can't get over the general level of domestic doing that seems to occur on Mumsnet. Both for DC and dh's. It's bonkers. Housework is not women's work. It starts at home, so many people raising the next generation of hopeless menchilds... honestly unless there is a disability why in god's name would your adolescent not set an alarm and get themselves out of bed, ready and off to school? Honestly, why are you waking them up?

I do. No phones on the bedroom and one of them sleeps through the alarm. I only remind once and tbf one of them leaves at 8.05 on the dot no matter what time he gets up (latest 7.45). The other one gets up early but does a lot of faffing so I have to push him out of the door.

I'm starting new hours at work soon and I'll have to leave before them, so I'm slowly withdrawing some of the mollycoddling help I give them.

@WorraLiberty - actually I don’t think I will. I’ve had a very mixed response and I’ve concluded that there is no right or wrong. As ssd has just said, it takes a lot more than an alarm clock to make a child independent and I’m confident that I’m fostering their independence in other ways. I only ever go in once to wake them and then leave them to it - they always get up, get dressed, sort breakfast etc themselves.

Thanks everyone.

It is not just about independence... It's about adding more tasks to my mental and physical load that clearly could be completed by others in the house. If I did that for everything that I 'could' do for my kids I'd be on my knees

they dont actually want you doing everything for them by the time they are 17 so a small thing like waking them up is no big deal

I also woke ds1 up till he was 17 and he's the only one of his pals spending 3rd year abroad in another country..

@hettie - no problem. I do feel where you are coming from honestly. I know there are a lot of precious snowflakes out there but I can assure you that my DC are not amongst them.