Baby showers

[LetItSnowAllTheTime]

Yes or no? I'm not thinking of doing it for the gifts. I haven't had a hen party and I'd love to get everyone together.

What's everyone's thoughts

Baby shower to me says "come and give me gifts and lots of attention". Agree with others; what you want sounds nice, I just wouldn't call it a baby shower if I were you.

Hate them and had one- but mine was a gathering before the baby came, no stupid grabby gift registry, no games, no sash- my friends and my husbands and a bbq

I didnt want one as i thought it would be naff but...my best friend organised a surprise one(she knew i would protest) It was tasteful, she had hired the small village hall next to her house and set it out like afternoon tea with nice china and cake stands and made a lovely cake. There were no sashes, rude games etc just a few guess the weight/date cards and.. no alcohol (she knows me well) and it was a really great relaxed afternoon and everyone had a great time catching up. So as long as your friend organises something to your tastes then i cant see why it wouldnt be fab :)

I live in the US, which has totally coloured my view but I really don't see the issue with them, even the gifting side. I find the UK snobbery towards it perplexing.

My experiences after the birth are that the new parents are so exhausted and overwhelmed there's less of a chance to celebrate with them so the baby shower gives that opportunity. And it's not just about gifts, it's about sharing stories and experiences.

Gifting through a registry is functional, not grabby. I've never attended a shower where the expectation is that you buy from the registry (or at all)... it's just there as an option for people who want to get something the couple will really use.

Baby shower to me says "come and give me gifts and lots of attention"

Bit like a wedding or a birthday party then 🤣

I find the UK snobbery towards it perplexing.

It's because so often the tradition is completely warped. You can people throwing them for themselves or for 2nd, 3rd or subsequent children, wanting to have meals in a restaurant with guests paying out, mixed sex evening parties with booze, BBQs, cash gifts so they can buy something big, etc.

And honestly? Everyone in the US knows the baby shower is about gifts, too. The whole thing is to shower the baby and sometimes the mum with gifts.

@SpaceCadet4000 I’m glad that you’ve had good experiences with them. I’m an American living in the UK and have been surprised by how often this topic comes up and how strongly people feel about it.

I won’t be having a shower since I don’t have close friends here, and it sometimes makes me sad that I won’t get to have that experience with my friends. I’ve loved attending and throwing showers for them over the years. They’re sending me gifts but that’s not really the same.

My parents were immigrants to the US and my mom had no idea what a shower was. She was living in this foreign country for a year when she became pregnant, and during that time her mother also passed away in her home country.

My mother’s coworkers organized a small shower for her and she still remembers it so fondly. Some of them knitted little presents and my mom was so touched. I think the kindness and comraderie of their gesture helped to get her through a very difficult time.

I don't like them for the reasons above.., big also because giving birth is complicated.. and things not always going according to plan. Most births pass without incident thankfully but I always had this thing in my head that It was somehow too assumptive to think everything would turn out perfectly. The whole baby shower thing is also a part of that (though I know that might just be me)

For your first child, definitely.
Subsequent children, not so much, as you will know what you need after having the first child and probably will have bought it/been given it already.

If you're not wanting people to give you gifts perhaps you can do a "Chores" roster, where as a gift people can sign up to help you with the dishes, do some cooking, help you with the laundry, etc. Best to plan this for several weeks after your due date.

Baby showers are a chance to catch up with friends in one place before you have the baby. Chances are once baby comes you won't be seeing these friends or socialising as frequently for the first few months, so it's nice to have a catch up.

If you're not wanting people to give you gifts perhaps you can do a "Chores" roster, where as a gift people can sign up to help you with the dishes, do some cooking, help you with the laundry, etc. Best to plan this for several weeks after your due date.

Dear god no! People will feel compelled to sign up for stuff, that is really putting them on the spot and taking advantage. Fuckin' hell that is rude! 'Come clean my house and do my laundry because I reproduced!'

If you're not wanting people to give you gifts perhaps you can do a "Chores" roster, where as a gift people can sign up to help you with the dishes, do some cooking, help you with the laundry, etc. Best to plan this for several weeks after your due date*

guess that doesn’t make giving a gift so bad...and I need do someone else’s chores because they procreated?

Chores?

This is just horrible.

Just invite your friends over, if it's not about gifts. They are a really odd concept to me, they were never a 'thing' when I had my kids.

Maybe I'm missing out on some cultural thing in the UK?
Because in Australia baby showers are a regular thing you invite your nearest and dearest to, and people often do shower you with gifts both at the party and at the birth, and offer to help you out when baby's arrived.

Personally I didn't do the "chores" thing at my baby shower, but once baby arrived people did ask if they could help with anything and I took them up on their offers of cooked meals and help with the washing.
I'd do the same for them.

I'm big on gifts, I love giving them, and I love receiving them.
Also I love coming up with fun games and having fun with people, even if it is a bit lame.
As I said before, it's a chance to get together and enjoy yourself with friends before the baby arrives and your whole world is turned upside down

I can't stand them and try to avoid where possible but always give a gift when baby is born if I didn't go to the shower.

If however someone was having a pre baby get together without games then I'm there. The games are mostly just so crass and not fun in anyway and I feel like I'm sat in a room full of teenagers rather than grown women. Usually there is a cake in the shape of a nappy which is just so unutterably weird ad naff.

A relative in Australia put some photos on Facebook of her baby shower. Nice little restaurant, beautifully decorated table with swathes of gorgeous fabric, flowers and afternoon tea style food and glasses of champagne and mocktails with beautiful cupcakes. Not a single game to be had. This I would enjoy going to.

I don't mind giving gifts before the baby is born but equally I didn't have a shower myself because I'd rather wait until baby had arrived safely. I also feel a bit disappointed to have already given a gift at a shower to then not be able to give a gift when baby arrives (can't afford two for each baby). When baby has been born feels like a lovely time to celebrate and send well wishes with a gift.

I had a baby shower thrown by my mum. I didn't want it to be called a shower because I just wanted to see friends before the baby was born (hasn't seen then in over a year as we don't live near each other). My mum said she'd have it at her house and organise so I let her. It turned into a shower with games! However, the invites did stipulate no presents and that I just wanted to get together. I think my mum went over the top But there were only a couple of games and she did a lovely spread. Partners and children were invited too. Most people did give a gift but then they didn't give one after the baby was born and that's fine with me. It was just lovely to have a giggle with my friends. Now the baby's here I'd be too tired to socialise with many people for a good while!

So I think the word 'shower' puts people in mind of a certain kind of party but they can come in all shapes and sizes

I organised a baby shower for a friend and a friend did mine. It was a surprise, no gifts, some fun, silly games, afternoon tea, lovely get together with good friends.
Mumsnet is the wrong place to ask, they're generally hated on here for some reason.

God yes, you must only have one if there's a restaurant with 'swathes of gorgeous fabric' and no nappy cake 🙄 For god sake, people are such snobs.

I hate baby showers. Tacky & grabby. I hate forcing intelligent women to play infantile games.

I love parties and gatherings of friends, especially prior to a life changing event. I suggest hosting a party or gathering for the sake of catching up with friends, without the expectation of gifts and attention.

Enforced fun is so off-putting.

Thing is, it's not a shower if there are no gifts. It's just a party so do as you like.

It's confusing when it's called a shower in the UK and it's just some party because people feel compelled to bring a gift and then think they still have to give another after the baby arrives.

You lot sound like such fun 🤦🏻‍♀️