Why do people cancel and ignore?

[JHBurkett]

So one of my best friends we will make plans and she will instead of cancelling just ignore you on the day. Then if you complain then she tells you to “calm down” and can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Yesterday I ended the friendship. She’s not bothered.

Seen her do this to other people.

I don’t know why they do it. I ended a youthful friendship over this years ago. A few weeks later she sent a desperate begging latter (in the days when people wrote letters) promising to change. I knew nothing would change and ignored the letter. I moved on with non-flaky friends who treat me and my time with respect.

Some people are just inconsiderate and selfish.
Or possibly she’s avoiding confrontation and embarrassed to cancel. Either way not worth the aggro if she’s always doing it, once or twice can be forgiven. Good for you for dropping her. I would have done the same.

Thank you. I felt like shit yesterday but feel better now. I sent her a text listing all the times she’s done the exact same thing (she likes to gaslight)

Her response was - are you finished?

No guilt or remorse what so ever.

Stopped speaking to my best friend from school a year and a half ago for exactly the same reason.

I am gutted that we are no longer friends but she made me look a total tool once too often.

She obviously didn't value my friendship like I had valued hers.

It wasn't the first time she had done it.

I still think about her often.

At some point you have to value yourself.

Ugh it's infuriating.

You ever hear from her again SillyBilly?

Once she was suppose to come over to mine and said she’d be an hour ... 2 hours go by and nothing. I called and nothing. So I text saying can you please just let me know that you’re ok. Heard nothing.

Next morning she puts snapchats up

Yet I’m the one who’s in the wrong?

Her response was - are you finished?

God she sounds awful! Sorry she’s messed you around OP, you’ve definitely done the right thing by drawing a line under it now.

My 'friend' does this. Makes plans and then on the day no message, no cancellation, no friend. I have tolerated it for a long time as she has some mental health issues and social anxiety issues, she posts lots of things on Facebook about being 'unable to adult' today so I have always been fairly polite and never called her out on it. But now my stock answer if she wants to meet up is 'you tell me a day when you're free and we'll arrange something'- haven't seen her in 6 months except in Tesco etc (which is where she does the 'we must meet up' and I say 'you tell me a day...' etc). We never actually get as far as arranging things.

I have learned: I was carrying our friendship for a long time and I was making it easy for her to cancel on me and my children (which is what I was really pissed of with) by being nice. Now I'm making it harder for her, she's not prepared to make the effort. She's not a real friend. She may have crippling social anxiety she doesn't but what about my need to not have my self esteem decimated by constantly being let down and ignored?