I feel weird watching porn as a woman and hiding it from DP

[YeahYeahLass]

I know this is unusual but I'm a woman who watches porn.

And I know I only do it when DP shows no sexual interest in me what do ever. I could spend an hour or so late at night, when he's out just looking at other men. Like tonight.

It makes me feel like crap. I'm wasting so much time looking at naked men when I could be doing more productive things. But I know it's because my partner no longer finds me attractive and when I try to initiate sex, he turns me down. I fantasize about going on dates with him or doing a sexy dance (cringe), even a kiss or a touch would do. It make me so sad that I want to cry- he doesn't touch me.

My partner doesn't know and I know it won't make him happy to know I'm perving on other men. He does not look at porn for a fact. Never been a porn watcher.

Why am I looking at porn? I feel like it's a guy thing

Anyone?

I don't know what to say, other than I know how you feel when your partner rejects you. (I separated from my H last year, there were several reasons but one of them was we hadn't had sex for nearly three years and I was fed up of feeling miserable about it.) I don't watch porn but I read erotica, which I suppose is similar, although there's no rules that say women can't watch and enjoy porn. I did/do it because I'm sexually frustrated and it gives me something to fantasise about.

I don't think women watching porn is as unusual as you think, they just don't talk about it. It's nowhere near the amount that men watch but it does happen. It's like masturbation... more socially acceptable for men to admit to it.

Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you are unhappy.

Secondly, we (women) are sexual beings too. You are entitled to some privacy and to so what you want in that time. As suggested elsewhere on here, I suspect more women look at porn than you think.

Here’s the thing. I think women watching porn is far more prevalent than you think, but that’s not the issue. The ones who do it are getting lots out of it. Sexual titilation, release, fun, amusement, ideas, etc.

You’re doing it but not enjoying it.

Rule of thumb: don’t do things that make you hate yourself. Get to therapy (with or without him). You either have to dump him, or the guilt. Or find another way.

Get right with yourself, in your mind. Find out if the voice in your head saying ‘porn is wrong’ is coming from society, your mother, your church or your own sense of what’s right for you.

Mumsnet can only provide you will a poll of what others think of porn for themselves. You don’t need a poll, you need to sort out how YOU are going to deal with being a perfectly normal woman with sexual needs.

*with a poll

If you enjoy it then go for it, you don’t need to feel shame about this. You have sexual needs, porn is sexy. It’s not a ‘man thing’- it’s not unladylike to feel sexual and want a release.

However these issues seem more than that and I suggest you talk to your partner about your lack of intimacy because that sounds rubbish.