how to raise a kid that doesn't become a pot head or drink too much

[justtakingabath]

Ok, DS is just 7. But I was raised by potheads and his dad (ex) still smokes regularly. It was somehow normalised for me but having seen the light (after myself being a regular smoker for a while and it screwed up my mental health) I haven't touched it for years.

Also my parents normalised booze and fairly heavy drinking. Frequently they demonstrated drunk behaviour, hangovers etc. I'm not sure if it's because of how it was normalised I too was at times a problem drinker binging and drinking too much in the week as well (no longer, woo hoo!).

Having seen the light I wondered if anyone has any tips on how to talk to their kids about booze, pot etc. I think it's a given that most teens will try it at some point. But I desperately don't want him to fall down the rabbit hole of becoming a pot head or having alcohol issues.

Any thoughts welcome from anyone that's managed to successfully raise kids that are sensible with such things!....

Most proper addicts have some kind of childhood trauma. This can be from all sorts of things - emotional/physical/sexual abuse, bullying, witnessing DV or other shocking things, having a chaotic home life with parents who are addicts or have unmanaged mental illnesses, parental alienation, abandonment by a parent, a parent in prison etc.

Have a google on Adverse Childhood Experiences.

I think most kids dabble in alcohol and drugs but ultimately in adulthood can take it or leave it.

Don't forget there are other compulsive behaviours on the rise such as gambling and porn addictions.

Something else I have realised is that if you demonise smoking drinking drug taking etc it seems to appear more attractive and exciting to kids.

I absolutely detest smoking and have always made my views clear on how disgusting anti social etc etc it is I have never allowed it in my house and if you smoke you smoke as far away from me as possible.

Alcohol, I don't have the same issues with, I drink occasionally with meals etc etc the kids once a certain age have always been offered wine with special meals if they want it.

Guess which vice they have? .... its not drinking! In fact they rarely drink but they do smoke and it breaks my heart I thought it was the end of the world when I discovered my teenager smoking and made such a fuss I am sure I pushed him further toward it.

I have 2 strategies to add: but they might be a bit particular to my kid!

My 8yo is very into music, all kinds from 1940’s Swing to the usual pop. She loves a lot of the 80’s songs of my teens, due to kids films using loads of them (Sing, Trolls, etc). I realised recently how many of the artists had drug-related deaths- Prince, MJ, George Micheal, Amy, etc.

I’ve been very clear and honest with dd about what this means. I point it out every time. The message is: look at all that wasted talent, they thought they could do it safely but they were wrong, they were clever and famous and rich and blew it, imagine how many more great tunes they could have written, etc. Off her own bat, she’s stated clearly ‘I’ll never take drugs, because I want to stay alive to see people enjoying my music!’ Hopefully it sticks.

Also, my dd has a mild phobia related to vomiting. She absolutely hates it. She refuses to go near people with tummy bugs or food that might be even close to expired. I admit I’ve used this a bit, telling her that almost everyone who drinks or takes drugs end up nauseous on a regular basis. Now, while I’m not hoping her phobia sticks around, I am hoping we can retain a bit of aversion.

Of course I employ other techniques too, and am very interested in some of the great suggestions on this thread!

PS i live somewhere where it’s completely normal for parents to train their kids to bring them alcoholic drinks, extra points if they open, pour and mix them right.