Does anyone else basically live in chaos/squalor when they have absolutely no excuse for it?

[StyleKiller]

I have kids, LTR, a professional job, own house - no excuse for the chaos we live in. We are just constantly so messy, with clutter everywhere. I can't keep on top of it at all. Everyone else's houses are so neat, it seems. How does everyone manage? It only bothers me - kids and DP don't seem even to notice - but it's driving me crazy. I have no idea where to start changing things. Am I alone in this?

I have an orderly, clean & tidy house. Most importantly though it’s a ‘ home ‘. It’s not minimalist by any stretch of the imagination either. It takes A LOT of work, effort and discipline. I have three kids who generally pull their weight & a DH who is happy to share the load. The key is to get everyone involved from the beginning. It shouldn’t be just your responsibility.

Do you have too much stuff?

Maybe if you all worked on that, you'd have a better chance of keeping on top of things .

Me, following for some advise. I have it nice and clutter free. A few days later it's like the place has been burgled

I now put stuff in bags or tubs, it feels tidier however have spent hours looking for things I’d forgotten I’d put in tubs.
FWIW we have too much stuff that we don’t need and I don’t have the commitment

I used to be the same. The answer is to get rid of everything you don't use regularly. If the stuff isn't sat there, you don't have to deal with it.

If you have anywhere you could put a couple of boxes, fill them with stuff, seal them, if you haven't opened them by the summer take them to the charity shop unopened.

Alternatively try to find enough items every couple of days to fill a plastic carrier bag and take that to the charity shop.

My life was transformed by doing both methods

You need lots of storage, do half hour tidy every night and assign daily chores to family.

I'm in the same position. The fact of the matter is though that once I've battled through work, then battled through bedtime, I just don't have the fucking energy. Instead we tend to just blitz on a weekend.

Me - I hate it, but it doesn't seem to matter how much I do it always unravels again a few days later

If you aren’t a naturally tidy/organised person (I am not either of these) the only way I have found to be tidy and organised is to have less stuff and I mean get rid of 60% of everything you own kind of less.
Has taken me about 3 years to get here but I can make the whole house look presentable in about 30 minutes these days and I no longer do big cleans just a room each day takes 5/10 minutes to clean.
Sometimes we look messy but it’s quite superficial and nothing a 15 minute run around can’t sort.
I know minimalism isn’t for everyone but for someone who loathes the everyday drag of housekeeping it’s a godsend!

Oh (and sorry to the poster that suggested it) you don’t need lots of storage you just need less crap! Storage gives you a false sense of organisation IMO.

Just get rid of stuff. I bet most of the clutter is junk.
Get a couple of bags and spend half an hour on Saturday and half an hour on Sunday in one room and do a bag for the bin and a bag for charity.
Then next weekend, do another room and so on. In a few weeks, it’ll be so much easier.

OP in my opinion this is actually normal for many people dealing with work and children. IMO it's a highly unnatural situation whereby (mostly) one person, the mother, is trying to keep on top of everything that modern life entails.
I try to just be realistic about what can and can't be helped (we have no family around, and I think this makes a big difference for a lot of people). And to remember that men/dads don't EVER give each other housework tips. So I'm not going to, either.

I’m untidy. Life is too short to waste it cleaning things that will just get dirty again.

And to remember that men/dads don't EVER give each other housework tips. So I'm not going to, either.

Um I'm pretty sure having children and a job is a solid excuse for a messy, cluttered house!

The answer is to declutter and organise, of course. Not that I've found much time and energy to do that, having a toddler and a job myself

I'm looking around my living room with my phone in one hand and a glass of Cabernet in the other looking at the boxes of "important" papers I hauled out 3 weeks ago still sitting in the floor which will no doubt still be sitting there in 3 months and the washing basket with a bundle of socks and knickers taken out the tumble dryer 4 days ago and thinking "fuck it. Who cares?"

No excuses. I just don't care 😀

This lady’s books and podcasts have really helped me. She’s a naturally disorganised person who has worked out systems to help her, her brain works like mine does.
www.aslobcomesclean.com

And I don't have the excuse of young children!

Op , I’ll send my dd round , she is an amazing declutterer and cleaner ! She’s just done our house and I feel all calm and clearer in my mind .

I’ve suggested she starts her own decluttering business.

You need to be pretty ruthless, don’t umm and ahh about keeping stuff , just bung it in a bin liner and straight to the charity shop or dump.

Me . I have no idea how to keep a tidy house. I spend my life tidying and it is never tidy. We have loads of stuff but I have already decluttered and can’t see what else to get rid of.

Thank you all for understanding and advice. I'm feeling much more optimistic now!

I've realised that so much stuff I pick up I don't have a place for. I know it sounds pathetic, but I sort of feel I don't know how to get organised...

Yes to a big sort out and then being careful about what comes back in.

Another thing I've found is picking a habit eg making sure all the dishes are done each night. Then making an effort to do that. Once that becomes a habit and gets done pretty much every night (apparently it takes about a month to form a habit), add something else eg do the dishes and sweep the floor. Then when that becomes a habit, add something else. But be realistic about what you'll do. It becomes an easy way to keep on top of what's important each night.

Theoretically, I agree with people who say get your partner on board. However in my case he would live in a sty and not care so it is not worth the arguments.