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Original poster

Gs wont settle with dd

14 replies

Mollymillie · 01/02/2019 10:50

Baby is 1 years old. Dd has always found it a struggle but it has got better as baby has got older. she says he does not sleep and she only got 2 hours sleep. He wakes up screaming all night. Dd asked me what I did to get him to settle. Hes just spend 4 nights with me. I told her all I done was lay him in bed with me. Warm bottle of milk lights out. And I played a game on silent on my phone and hes asleep within 10 mins. So I'm not really doing anything. She said when she tries to do that he just plays up and wont settle. I want to help her but I cant work out what's going on.

Any suggestions why he wont seem to settle with her or maybe something she could do.

OP posts:

Mammabear88 · 01/02/2019 11:49

Is she a first time mum? It does seem strange that her son won't settle with her but will for someone else. As a mum of 4, I have EBF and I am assuming baby is happy to take a bottle in this instance. Is there any comparisons you can make that your doing something different at your home compared to hers?! I know it might 'seem' obvious but look to make sure you are both using the same brand of milk/formula. Making it 'exactly' the same way. Giving it to him in the same bottle. My second baby ended up taking formula when he went into childcare/nursery and when I found out he liked the bottle they would use I had to buy one for home because he absolutely refused otherwise. Other things you will need to ask her is if she is stopping to have 'quiet time' or is she constantly too busy to slow down and baby is sensing the difference in energies especially if she is already feeling anxious. I know that mine need dark and quiet at bedtime and so you need to ask the obvious questions sometimes to get to the bottom of it. Also, if bubs likes contact maybe she can try co-sleeping in one of those safe cribs so she can pat him on the bottom of he stirs. Not sure if any of this advice is helpful but she sounds like she must be exhausted!

Original poster

Mollymillie · 01/02/2019 12:45

Hes on cows milk now. His mum gives him blue top. I gave him green top. As I did not realise I had no blue top. So I don't know if that was it. Dd can be quite impatient so I'm not sure if shes giving him bad vibes. Shes quite a young 21 and she will try sometime for 10 mins or so and get stroppy. And its rear she will take anyone's advice. I don't want to say negative things about her. But I'm not sure what to do or say. I suggested to her to just let him sleep with her if it means her getting a good night's sleep. But she says he messes about. Maybe there is no answer and shes got to learn herself. I don't know... it's just odd.

OP posts:

Pizzamyhart · 01/02/2019 13:32

My son wouldn't drink the blue top milk. We tried but every time he was either sick or would cry with what we were sure we're stomach pains. He's 2 now and does fine on the green top milk.

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/02/2019 13:47

To be honest I'm not surprised she get impatient, at times. Lack of sleep is more than enough to drive a sane man berserk, God love her. It could be something as simple as the blue milk is too heavy on his little stomach. Lots of adults find it too heavy, don't they.
I used to do what do with my dd. Lay with her give her a bottle. Read her a story give her a kiss and pretend to be asleep. She must have thought I can't beat her I might as well join her.

Original poster

Mollymillie · 01/02/2019 15:28

I don't know she got a 4 night break from him when I had him. But knowing her she probably stayed up till silly o clock. I think its defo worth trying the green top milk though.

One thing I did forget about is when he was with me he hardly cried. Just if he was tired or needed something. But as soon as dd was back he was screaming and crying he sounds like hes angry.

OP posts:

Flower777 · 01/02/2019 15:35

It’s important that you support your daughter here. I would focus more on supporting your daughter than the baby. ‘Mother the mother’ is your role.

I’m picking up a touch of ‘I’m doing better with her baby than she is ‘ which will not help at all.

Support your daughter and I’m sure in time things will get easier.

juniperbushes · 01/02/2019 16:00

Does your dd have post-natal depression or other struggles with mental health? If she is suffering, then the baby will pick up on that and won't settle. It's a vicious circle.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 01/02/2019 16:10

I’m picking up a touch of ‘I’m doing better with her baby than she is ‘ which will not help at all.

I was getting this vibe as well.

Poor DD is probably at her wits end and acting superior about how he is a dream baby for you and a divil for her won’t help.

The wee thing is probably pushing his boundaries with his mum and feels most confident pressing her buttons because he’s so secure in his attachment for her.

Quartz2208 · 01/02/2019 16:13

The easiest time I ever had getting a baby to sleep wasn’t mine - it was a friends and I was relaxed about it

She is getting uptight and stressed and he feels it

Original poster

Mollymillie · 01/02/2019 18:57

No I'm not saying or making her feel I'm doing better at all.

I'm not sure if 1 year olds know how to push mums buttons. Maybe they do. I just thought maybe there might be a parenting book I could look out for.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mollymillie · 01/02/2019 19:01

quartz I thought this to. I can often feel dds vibes and I told her baby will be picking up her vibes. She says shes not giving him vibes. But either way if she is giving of vibes I guess it's very hard to turn them off.

OP posts:

copperlou · 01/02/2019 19:06

Tell her to contact her HV team for support.

Original poster

Mollymillie · 01/02/2019 19:07

she already contacted Hv. They told her baby needs a routine.

OP posts:

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 01/02/2019 19:11

Perhaps you could try your routine at her house. It could be an environmental thing. Too hot/cold. Mattress too hard, etc. See if he settles for you again at her house?
It's so hard. It's often suggested to get someone other than the mother to settle a baby out of bad habits, but I'd have thought after 4nights he would be better...

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