How do you apologise?

[SoConfused2019]

Random question I know but i'm having trouble with an American friend. apparently i've pissed him off by not thanking him quickly enough for a gift he sent.

I apologised and explained why I couldnt call him at that particular time and we got chatting about the difference between brits and Americans and apologising.

He told me if someone is upset you just apologise for it and let it go. whereas I told him that I and most of the people I know as family and friends would say sorry and then try to explain why they did what they did so we could chat about it a little more. maybe im wrong but it got me thinking - am I apologising with an explanation and its wrong.

Which camp are you in?

I think Brits apologise then want to chat about it to subtly point out to the other person they're it actually in the wrong ie "So sorry I I couldn't call you because I was busy at a funeral and taking my baby to A&E" you unreasonable demanding so and so

that made me laugh because you're not far off the mark - I received flowers but was babysitting my friends baby and had my hands full - apparently he saw the tracking info to say they had been delivered then waited 3 hours for a call to say thank you and now says he was an after though.

3 hours? I wouldn't be apologising. Tell him in the UK we send written thank you notes and you posted it immediately

He sounds like a bit if a diva. You waited 3 hours to call him and he throws a strop? Sounds like he only sent them for the praise.

I wouldn’t keep apologising.

He didn’t send them for your pleasure, he sent them for his pleasure. He was disappointed you didn’t swoon over his generosity.

Im actually trying to figure out if I apologise weirdly or its a thing all brits do?

oh and I agree he can be a bit of a diva at times. 100%

He sounds annoying and self centred for sure.

No, I would apologise like that too. I'm not sorry I've transgressed from the particular standard of etiquette they have randomly assigned to the event (ie dropping everything to phone immediately), I'm sorry that they felt they weren't my number one priority but it's not that I don't care it's just that I was doing this other thing that was just as important but more time sensitive.

Reading that back mine is a bit "I'm sorry you feel that way" but this man sounds like very hard work so he probably deserves it.

He is being rude. Normal etiquette is that you never ‘expect’ a thank you. You might fume inwardly inside (yes, neices and nephews, I am still waiting for a thank you for Christmas gifts ) but you never ‘demand’ a thank you.

He sounds like hard work, what is your relationship with him?

He’s an old uni friend that I keep in contact with and visit now and then.
It just got me thinking if Brit’s do have a different way of apologising to the rest of the world 😂

Send him flowers as a way of apologising for not thanking him straight away?

that’s not a bad idea at all

I always feel the need to explain my apology mostly to make me feel less guilty about whatever it is I'm apologising for.

I just do a straight "I'm sorry, it was careless/hurtful/ thoughtless of me" I don't do long winded justifications . If I've fucked up, I've fucked up. Although in your situation my eyes would have rolled very far back in my head if he mentioned not thanking him quickly enough.

He phoned to complain that you hadn’t thanked him within 3 hours?

I wouldn’t be bloody apologising for that. In fact I’d be distinctly unimpressed by his behaviour.

Tell him that Brits do not give gifts in order to receive praise. We give them to please the recipient. And we consider it shockingly bad form to ring up and demand a thank you!

Eh? He tracked delivery and was miffed you hadn't thanked him within 3 hours? Is he totally bored and lonely and needy? Definitely send him a hand written thank you, then call mom son when he dies t do the same.

• doesn't