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Original poster

**Contains distressing content** I don't know if it's a memory. **Thread title edited by MNHQ**

14 replies

jade19 · 31/01/2019 21:48

My parents split up when I was 6 and pretty much from then on I would stay with my father at weekends. As I got older I had a close relationship with my father.
When I was 17 I stayed at my dad's for the evening. ( I think it may have been after seeing friends. I'm not quite sure. it was a while ago and I'm 23 now.)
If I stayed at my dad's and he had a glass of wine in the evening I would also be allowed to have one. I had a glass of red wine which tends to make me very tired. I remember feeling really tired so we went to bed. Here's where my torment comes in.
I have a very vivid 5 second 'memory' of waking up to my dad laying on top of me and kissing me. I remember thinking what the f@*k and then drifting off. I then woke up a few hours later with a start.
Heres my issue, I don't know if what I 'remember' is a memory or if it was a very vivid dream. For a few years I pushed thia image to the back of my head and never really thought about it until recently.
I have never admitted this to anyone else before but I just don't know what to do. Obviously there would be no prooth of he did do anything.
I'm essentially writing this on here because I need to get it off my chest so maybe I can forget it and move on .

OP posts:
RickOShay · 31/01/2019 22:14

Oh sweetheart, I don’t know. Is there anyone you could talk to in real life? Flowers

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 31/01/2019 22:36

You poor thing Flowers Are there any other red flags where your dad is concerned? Do you remember why you were in the bed together? Was that a normal thing?

Wigwambam10 · 01/02/2019 00:12

I also have this with a close relative op. I have a memory of when I was a little girl this male relative doing oral sex on me and then trying to make me give him oral.

I can’t even say how long I have had this memory but it’s been since I was a girl and like you I don’t know if it happened or if it was a dream. It’s horrible

Wigwambam10 · 01/02/2019 00:14

And it’s like you said you can’t report it as you don’t even know if it is real yourself. My relative had 3 girls now and I do keep thinking what if it was real but I just don’t know

Original poster
jade19 · 01/02/2019 00:19

Booksaremyonlyfriends I would sleep on a pull out sofa in the front room. As far as i am aware no red flags. Just this one memory xx

OP posts:
Original poster
jade19 · 01/02/2019 00:21

wigwamabm I'm so Sorry! I have come to the realisation that I will just have to live with it. I hope your coping as well as you can with it. Thank you for not calling me crazy guys!!

OP posts:
Wigwambam10 · 01/02/2019 00:28

I am coping with it and have talked if over with a psychologist to try and make peace with it as I know I can never discuss it with anyone else. It has helped.

I hope you manage to get past this but it’s a horrible feeling it really is
PM me if you need too Flowers

BBInGinDrinking · 01/02/2019 00:30

Thread needs a trigger warning. Have asked MNHQ to edit the title.

Wholovesorangesoda · 01/02/2019 00:35

I have something similar, a one off 'memory' that is quite fuzzy and I dont know if it was a memory or a dream. I must have been under 10 and I'm nearly 30s. I have no other red flags and this relative has been around many other young children with nobody raising any concerns but it does torment me if I think of it. I tend to push it down too. I often wonder if I can really have dreamt what I did, but I also can't really picture them doing it so...who knows. Sorry that's no help, but I also wanted to get it off my chest and have never told anybody this or written it down before

halfwitpicker · 01/02/2019 00:45

Good one, gin drinking

Loopylou6 · 01/02/2019 00:58

I hope, by talking together, you ladies find some comfort Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 01/02/2019 01:03

Would you consider hypnotherapy? I know it can be controversial, but it's a 'memory' you already have, so not quite the same as 'recovered memory syndrome'.

Unfortunately I'm in the US so don't know what direction to point you in. Here you'd see a psychiatrist or psychologist (not just a 'counselor') first who would refer you to a reputable hypnotherapist.

I too have questions, but about something that I know did happen when I was a child. I just don't know how many times or how far it actually went as I only have flashes of the actual molestation. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who can't be hypnotized.

Wigwambam10 · 01/02/2019 01:47

A big part of me thinks it true because I have had this “memory” before I had any idea about sex at all.

The relative at the time would have been 12 years old.

lemmein · 01/02/2019 06:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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