4 and 6 year olds - what good habits should we get into?

[Firstaidnovice]

Have two DC, eldest is year 2, youngest preschool, will be 5 in October. Inspired by reading a thread about how difficult it is to get older children to take responsibility and get places on time, with the right stuff, it made me think that I'm probably guilty of babying my two a bit.

So, what good habits should we getting into? I feel like I have periodic efforts at getting them to eg put their own dishes in the dishwasher, but then I get bored of constant reminding and it drifts off. But, they aren't babies, and I don't want them to turn into layabouts!

What is reasonable to expect of a 4 and 6 year old?

Lay out clothes for the following day
Get their own school bag ready
Ditto for extra curricular clubs

This is what we do now with 2 DCs of the same ages. As an aside both DCs have SN so we might not be hugely representative.

Have to tidy away their toys before bed
Hang coats up when they get in (we have low hooks)
Put shoes on the shoe rack
Put dishes in the sink, scrape any leftovers into the bin, and of course any other rubbish of theirs in the bin (eg wrappers from a snack)
Put clothes somewhere appropriate, eg hanging up or in the wash basket
Wipe up their own spills with kitchen towel
Some general consideration, eg if they knock the towel off of the holder in the bathroom they must put it back (and if they pee anywhere other than in the toilet they must clear it up!)

That might be it watching with interest to see what others do or have done!

Btw the clothing rule is the least successful one, as it has been the least enforced by DH

General expectations for being a normal, tidy member of the household are

Bed made in the morning
Clothes in the laundry basket
Encourage tidyness in her room as she goes along - getting her to try and do 1 minute a day, instead of 10 minutes at the weekend
Shoes in the shoe box, coat on the rack, hats and scarves etc in the box
Toilet flushed, new toilet roll on if one is needed

Because we have a mix of days at home and full days at the childminder we found that routine tasks like setting the table just didn't really work. We've moved to just asking her (7) to be helpful and do the things we ask without complaining. She gets £1 a week pocket money that is vaguely tied to this. So during a day she might get asked to get some more nappies from her brother's room, help quickly tidy his toys, set the table or take the plates out, put clean clothes away in her room, stuff like that.

We've found this more successful overall, as I feel it's not tying daily household jobs to getting money for doing them, and encouraging her to just help out. We still have our days of whinging and not wanting to do it but overall this is working a lot better for us.

We do at some point during the week encourage:
School bags packed
Shoes in shoe bin
Washing hands when coming in from outside
Plates in sink
Beds on weekends
Watering plants when I can supervise
I normally change sheets when they are at school but if I happen to do it during the holidays I will get them to strip the bed.

Hoping to get them into the habit of asking if I’d like a cup of tea when they re old enough to operate the kettle, that would be a win!!

Ah, well getting them to make tea is the parenting dream of course!
Ok, it sounds like we aren't too bad, we just aren't consistent enough I think. I want these things to become second nature really.
Would it be unrealistic to expect a 6 year old in year two to shower and get dressed after swimming by herself? I found myself towelling and dressing her the other day as though she was 18 months . (Possibly as I'm not having any more I'm slightly in denial about my babies growing up).
They both have mid sleepers which makes bed making more difficult, but it would definitely be good to get them doing that.

My 6.5 year old can dry and dress himself after a swim so worth a try.

Yes - shower and dressing is reasonable. My seven year old runs the bath in and checks the temperature....
also putting rubbish in the bin, taking jumper off before eating breakfast, cleaning teeth, switching lights off when you close a room, checking for post....

The most efficient routine we had was when I was picking them up from the Childminder just before 6pm and getting in around 6.40pm.

Coats off, shoes off, bags hung up, scoot around searching for things for the dishwasher, help load it, make a washload up, bung it in, add powder/softener and close the door (supervised on the offchance of a stray red sock), set and switch on.

Play or TV whilst I did my dinner/any extra snack for them, put plates on surface ready for next DW load.

Stripping beds when necessary (usually Saturday), putting fresh pillow cases on and helping tuck the sheets in, arranging the quilt and a million soft toys when the cover was replaced.

Feeding animals crunchies whilst I was doing something else.

No 'You MUST DO THIS TASK', more 'We need to do this' and 'great teamwork!' (Which sounds trite, but it works in school, so I used it at home).

Occasional assistance as plumber's mates/builder's assistant/junior technician when something went wrong.

For all my faults (and there are many), at least they grew up knowing how to fix things without being scammed by a workman or having to wait for A Man.

We never really expected our DCs to do any chores, just to be polite, kind respectful human beings. They're all responsible adults now with DCs of their own, and none the worse for it.

I saw the thread title and thought ‘please/thank you and reading’. Reading is really important IMHO!

I dress my kids after swimmi g. Age 6 5 and 3. At home I only dress the 3 year old but swimming invites that special kind of stickiness which makes dressing hard

I would start with toys, putting clothes in washing basket and putting away after drying, laying out own clothes and packing school bag, then it's loading dishwasher. By 8 or 9 some kids are basically looking after themselves and caring for relatives so it's just about gradually introducing responsibilities and enforcement/reward. From 11 mine got a monthly allowance that was based on completion of chores.