Is this PND?

[Seline]

I didn't think it would happen but I think I may have developed PND. I've posted before about my very traumatic birth of my twins but the brief summary is I had a placental abruption at 26 weeks and negligent care led to DD being starved of oxygen and requiring extensive CPR, me nearly bleeding to death and being told to prepare myself for her not surviving. She did survive but several times i was told she wouldn't and she and her brother were in NICU for three months. We currently don't know if DD has any effects from this.

I was just happy it was over and relieved we all survived so didn't think I'd get PND as I didn't want to dwell on it. However little things are making me question it. I keep crying, all the time. Over anything. It's as simple as forgetting to put the washer on. Last night my husband found me crying in the shower. I keep snapping at him and it's an overreaction to really minute things that wouldn't normally bother me. As soon as the twins scream or cry I feel like it's a sign I'm doing it wrong. I'm also really weird about people seeing the twins and won't let them out my sight at all and won't let many relatives hold them or see them. I can't logically explain why as I know they won't do anything negative to them, but the thought of someone else other than me, my husband or my mother holding them fills me with dread.

I wasn't like this with DS1. I used to let random old ladies have a cuddle when they asked for gods sake. Now I won't let anyone near us.

Is this PND? And if so when will it go? I hate SSRIs so don't want to go down that route.

Sometimes getting a night of sleep after a few nights of none can make you feel very low. I find it’s the inconsistency with sleep rather than how much I get.
Yes I've found that, I feel really vulnerable despite having sleep last night.

Thank you. I've told DH he has to deal with the in-laws now. They even had a go at me for posting a photo of the babies on my Facebook page but not taking special ones for them that no one else had seen. DH explained we hadn't really taken many photos as we were just enjoying our time with the twins and only snapped a couple of quick ones here and there and we got a mouthful of how "bad" that was and how our "poor kids" will hate us when we're older as they don't have many baby photos. where is the need for any of that.

Didn't want to read and run but just wanted to offer some support.
Ignore the in-laws, they sound unhinged and you don't need that on top of everything else.

You sound lovely, it must be incredibly tiring caring for TWO newborns and another child on top of that, I already think you sound like super mum.

Your birth sounds so traumatic so maybe that combined with horrendous sleep deprivation is causing you to feel like this. Perhaps see the GP if you're worried about depression.

I think anyone in your situation would probably feel the same. It sounds like you've got a hell of a lot on your plate! I don't really have anything constructive but just wanted to show you support, you've got this 💐

Thank you. It's just so hard when they're screaming not to think in doing something wrong. Logically I know that I'm one person and I can't cuddle both at ones but it's so heartbreaking and hard to enjoy cuddling one while the other is crying.

I honestly bow down to mums of multiples, one newborn with colic had me on my knees!! Can you get slings to fit twins? Maybe so they can both be close?

It does sound like PND and I agree, after the trauma you’ve all been through, it was almost inevitable.

You don’t mecessarily have to go down the SSRI route. No one will forcibly medicate you.

But I do think even just going to the GP and getting a diagnosis will be helpful because then you can legitimately call on the support you need and hopefully your DH will stop doing dickish things like giving you a hard time about Facebook photos.

Sending lots of love and solidarity. I had PND and it was so hard.

Well I've cracked completely. DH is being a massive prick and taking my melancholy state personally and has accused me of being a horrible person who's using a traumatic birth as an excuse to pick on him. He also had a go at me for asking him to get me a bottle for DD (I have a bad back and it gets stiff in the night) because how dare I wake him before work when I don't have to work.

He's not normally this much of a wanker so I think sleep deprivation is getting to him too.