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Original poster

I know I'm being pathetic but it's my birthday and I feel crappy

51 replies

ResistanceIsNecessary · 30/01/2019 19:49

That's it really. Milestone birthday and had a couple of nice cards. Nothing from the majority of family. No acknowledgement from work (birthdays are a thing), nothing on Facebook.

I know I'm being pathetic and I know I need to give my head a wobble, but it feels really shit. I always remember other people's birthdays - I'll text or send a card or a Facebook message. I organise the collections at work for team members' birthdays.

Not bothered about presents or going anywhere, but it's made me vet to realise that hardly anyone else carea enough to even say anything. I'm sitting having a wee cry and I feel bloody mortified that it's affected me like this.

All firm instructions to pull myself together are welcome.

OP posts:
novasglowx · 30/01/2019 20:23

Happy birthday! Thanks

ImTheDamnFoolThatShotHim · 30/01/2019 20:24

Happy Birthday!

💐🎂🥂

Welshheart · 30/01/2019 20:30

Happy birthday to you 🎂💐
I remember my 40th, I got a few cards, nothing off friends, & nothing planned, just ordered a massive pizza to have with my DS.. He was a teenager & said he 'stayed with me instead of going in his room as was my birthday'..
Anyway, you're not the only one, have a takeaway, order anything you want, have a nice bath or treat yourself to something you want.
Xxxx

Original poster
ResistanceIsNecessary · 30/01/2019 20:32

Thanks again for making me feel a wee bit better. Currently getting stuck into 3rd glass of prosecco - which is probably a bad idea on a work night, but fuck it.

I am trying to be pragmatic. But I'm 40 today and it hurts to realise that hardly anyone cares enough unless I signpost it for them.

Ah well. Watching Love it or list it is not helping either - I find myself shouting at the telly a lot Blush

OP posts:
phenomenalcat · 30/01/2019 20:47

Happy Birthday 🥳🎉🎂

I was gutted for ages that I hardly ever got any Birthday messages on Facebook when I posted loads. Then when I was reviewing my settings realised I hadn't put in my birthday (ideas on privacy). If it doesn't have that it can't send people reminders to wish you HB. Worth checking 💭 xx

SavageBeauty73 · 30/01/2019 20:49

Happy birthday 🎁🥂🎉

IncomingCannonFire · 30/01/2019 20:54

Ah. Happy birthday. 🎈🎂🎉🎁
Mine was a bit quiet too.
Fwiw I only check my FB about once a week these days and proper cards are not sent by my peers.

Crinkle77 · 30/01/2019 20:57

You'rd not pathetic. You have every right to be upset and blaming it on it being January and eveyone being skint is a cop out. Happy birthday and enjoy the prosecco.

Amongstthestars · 30/01/2019 21:01

Happy birthday OP!! 🥂🎂

Sorry to hear you’re feeling sad. It’s time to start planning a treat day for yourself. Do you have the chance to do something fun on the weekend?

In your shoes, I’d be booking a cleaner for Friday to make the house sparkle before the weekend, then book a massage and manicure and maybe a blow dry for Saturday mid-morning (if you’re in a city, maybe a beauty counter make-over). Once you look fabulous, buy yourself something you like (but don’t need). Have it gift wrapped! Then go to M&S and buy lovely, delicious food that you wouldn’t normally indulge in (I’m talking about the big profiterole dessert with just with one spoon).

Make your own celebration and honestly just stop making a fuss about those other people’s birthdays. Time to focus on you!!

username10001 · 30/01/2019 21:03

Happy birthday ThanksCake
Can you not make plans this weekend?
I know it's rubbish I too have a birthday soon and it upsets me a little that people forget so I'm kinda preparing myself. I've made plans with dh so sod everyone else .
I think the thing is so many people are wrapped up in their own lives they forget those closest to us .

Cmagic7 · 30/01/2019 21:21

Happy Birthday! If your friends are anything like mine, they're spending less and less time on Facebook. It's like so.... over (or something). This age is definitely one where people are wrapped up in their own careers, kids etc. I just make sure I waft around a couple of weeks before saying 'it's my birthday soon!!!' I don't understand why people won't just invite people to celebrate with them if that's what they want.

Original poster
ResistanceIsNecessary · 30/01/2019 21:31

God I can't stop crying. What is wrong with me? It really really hurts.

OP posts:
Original poster
ResistanceIsNecessary · 30/01/2019 21:35

Cmgaic. I know you're right. But my own sister has not bothered. And I don't ask for presents, or night's out. Just a card - or failing that a text or a message. That's all. And it hurts - it really fucking hurts - to get to a 'big' birthday and realise that my years of remembering other people's, their kids and their important events, means nothing because they can't even spare me 30 seconds.

Like I said, I know it's pathetic. But I turned 40 today and learned that I don't matter to so many people. I feel very lonely right now.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 30/01/2019 21:40

Happy birthday Flowers

The Facebook thing is weird. Is your birthday set to only me?

I stopped making an effort for people who obviously didn't care. It's very freeing. Stop doing the collections, someone else can do it from now on at work.

LuciaJayce · 30/01/2019 21:45

Happy birthday! X

Cailleach · 30/01/2019 21:45

Stop bothering with their birthdays etc. Totally. If asked why, tell them.

Unfortunately you can get taken for granted. Take this as a cue to sharply prune your friends list.

Oh and Happy Birthday.

Original poster
ResistanceIsNecessary · 30/01/2019 21:47

No it's not. And that's been abig part of feeling so shit, because I know a lot of people use it to do birthdays and they've sailed past mine. Sorry I know that sounds horrendously spoiled.

I've just deactivated my account for the moment because I'm quite shocked about how bad it's made me feel. Which has then made me think about whether it's healthy having it at all. If you'd have asked me yesterday if I thought it would have this effect, I'd have laughed. I now feel bloody embarrassed.

Still tearful and feeling shit so I am off to bed just to get the day over with, because at the moment I feel like a five year old Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
ResistanceIsNecessary · 30/01/2019 21:48

But thanka to everyone for the good wishes and advice. I am sure my normal, crotetchy and grumpy self will resume tomorrow!

OP posts:
SingaSong12 · 30/01/2019 21:57

You are perfectly ok to be upset, you are hurt and I don’t blame you. Happy birthday- cry all you want. Stop organising the birthday rota. At the next birthday just say “oh I thought we weren’t doing that any more.”

I know it’s hard to shrug off, being snubbed. years later I’m bitter at not receiving flowers after being off sick - I haven’t seen it at any other work place but it was a thing there, except for me.

Have some CakeWineGin and cry if you want

PippaParty · 30/01/2019 22:00

I also think it is good to share how you feel about this with family in real life. My Dc's sometimes didn't bother with my birthday or Mother's Day and after thinking about it, ( like you I felt a bit precious admitting it) I decided to let them know how they made me feel. I want them to be caring adults and to know that I expected more of them. A lesson learnt!

Lekky12 · 30/01/2019 22:10

Happy Birthday! We're Birthday twins too! It takes nothing to say happy birthday and makes such a difference to the person concerned. So Happy Birthday 100 Times!

Hope you are enjoying the Prosecco - who cares that it's a school night!
X

Monny1 · 30/01/2019 22:13

Happy Birthday OP, please try and not be down. You sound like a lovely kind person and your friends /colleagues should be a shamed of themselves!

3in4years · 30/01/2019 22:26

End of January birthdays are the pits. No one has been paid since before Christmas, everyone is ill, it's dark and cold, no one wants booze or cake as they're on a health kick.
Most of my adult birthdays have been a total washout. I expect no different. But this year (Monday) was the worst!
I had a virus and could barely move. Worse than that, my dh had it too, so I had to put up with his man flu whinging.
I eventually got the energy to open my gift from my mum in the evening - something from the M&S sale as usual. And from my dh - a mixing bowl. What? No cake, but a bowl. Thanks!
I had spent all January making my dh and my ds feel special on their birthdays. Nothing for me.
Nothing on Facebook either. I wouldn't say this in RL but I do start to wonder why I bother for other people all year.
Hope you're feeling better OP.
Have a bath and read a good book. It's not personal. People are just self involved, and if you want a fuss, you have to make one!

Crunchymum · 30/01/2019 22:35

I'd post something passive aggressive at 23:59.... but then I'm very petty.

Happy birthday OP. Get drunk.... or eat cake.... or both Wine Cake

Naicemum · 30/01/2019 22:35

Happy Birthday!!