Father contact

[Megg1007]

Hey! So been thinking and dreading about this for a while but in desperate need of help, advice, experience... anything really!! Me and my sons dad are not together. He is now 1 and a half and doesn’t know his dad. For over a year we had a mutual agreement in place for him to see him which he did not stick to from the get go but I percivered for the sake of my son hoping it would improve. After that clearly not working I told him to find a different means and he went down the contact centre route. This was put in place in December and would be once a month. He cancelled January’s visit and has now cancelled February’s. In my head if he cancels again I’m going to pull the plug on the contact centre as no improvement has been made. I am now trying to plan for what he could do next, if anything. Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Well he could apply to court for an access order, but he probably won't be arsed to. And if he does he's going to look like a shit in front of the judge for having zero involvement as of yet. Your son is young, he doesn't know he is being let down yet which is a blessing. Maybe get in touch and say something like "In the future when life allows you to, contact me regarding access to your son and we will arrange something which offers him the stability he deserves but isn't getting right now". Ball in his court. Step up or step down 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dont pull the plug on the contact centre. If it goes to court he will use that against you. He will say you were obstructive. Instead let him rebook the visits again and cancel again as many times as he likes. It makes no difference to you right? And let’s you build up proof of how uncommitted he is.

You don’t need to do anything. You don’t need to make his contact happen, he does, if he wants to keep cancelling that’s his own choice. He sounds like he’ll get bored soon and stop trying to arrange it. But you know what will happen as soon as you tell him he can’t have contact? He’ll be determined to get it to “win” one over on you. So let him carry on as he is. Agree to the contact centre if he even bothers to book it again.

Maybe get in touch and say something like "In the future when life allows you to, contact me regarding access to your son and we will arrange something which offers him the stability he deserves but isn't getting right now".

I wouldn’t even do this. It’s not up to you to remind him to get in touch to arrange contact. Stay quiet. He either will or won’t.

Thank you! I feel if he took me to court that he wouldn’t have a case as I have been more than reasonable with him and changed our agreement 4 times to suit him.

I get you saying not to pull the plug but the contact centre is the 1st weekend of every month so it means keeping this available for the future meaning I’m having to double check for holidays and his birthday party etc. My son could miss out because he might or might not turn up one time. My frustration is getting the better of me at the moment.