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Original poster

18yo Autistic Son has booked a holiday

45 replies

holbobs78 · 29/01/2019 22:35

He's paid for it on his debit card for him and his girlfriend. He used a online travel agent . The flights aren't refundable. He seriously cannot go.
I've spoke to the airline but there's nothing they can do as it was weeks ago when it was booked . It's over £400 in costs. I don't know what else to do.
Can anyone offer any advice?

OP posts:

Gilead · 29/01/2019 23:29

Are you able to help him through the airport this end?

cakesandtea · 29/01/2019 23:29

Go home at the first hurdle?

That would be huge set back to his confidence and outlook. He just made a stab at being a 'normal' young man. It would be very damaging to undermain him now. This is existencial.

We all say we want our autistic children to have all opportunitirs in life, so we should walk the talk. Believe in equality.

I would leave no stone unturned to make it happen, to make it a success for my DS.

OnTheHop · 29/01/2019 23:40

How capable / level headed / experienced is his girlfriend?

My NT 17 year old is more than capable of managing international holiday travel so she could support him through?

Costacoffeeplease · 30/01/2019 00:20

Why don’t you think he can cope with the airport? Can you do a dummy run to familiarise him with the set up?

SD1978 · 30/01/2019 00:45

How about the GF? Is she also Autisitc? Does he still get meltdowns? Do you receive any financial support as a carer for him? I'd give the girlfriend your number, and make sure they have travel insurance. Does he still live at home? Go to college? He obviously works as he paid for the holiday himself. It's hard, but maybe they can do this? Juts make sure you keep the ability to communicate open instead of saying no.

Nnnnnineteen · 30/01/2019 00:50

Is this anxiety because you are mum, or anxiety because you know he can't manage it yet?
If he is determined to go, is the gf likely to be able to navigate the travelling if he can't?

EyesUnderARock · 30/01/2019 01:01

So, do you have a passport, and which country are they going to?
How much support will he need, and what sort? You can’t stop an adult unless you have legal guardianship due to his inability to cope, and it sounds as if he’s determined you won’t stop him.
So plan how to support, unless you can physically and legally prevent him going.

AGHHHH · 30/01/2019 01:55

No two autistic people are the same. Some can go abroad alone while some can't get a bus to the local supermarket.

I'd take the OPs word for it.

No advice on the legalities of it all though sorry. :(

BaronessBomburst · 30/01/2019 02:10

I can't comment on the autism but at 17 I travelled internationally alone. I also had to cross Italy and sort out alternative transport when a train got cancelled. His girlfriend could be more than capable of taking it on.

barefaced · 30/01/2019 03:05

Make sure he has insurance. Do you have the funds to go get him in an emergency?

JustanotherCHRISTMASuser01 · 30/01/2019 06:46

a package holiday in Majorca or somewhere is very different to I'm going independently to Barcelona or somewhere. a package holiday of turn up at airport go to gate find tui rep etc might be quite a confidence boost for him

MouseUtopia · 30/01/2019 12:15

Autistic people can be coached to cope in situations and this should be done as they grow up. Learning to travel on buses and trains etc can be learned. Coping mechanisms can be taught.

What do you mean when you say he's immature? Is he sensible, does he have self care abilities and awareness of danger?

KnockMeDown · 30/01/2019 12:23

How much thought did he put in before he booked it? Does he really want to go? Does he think he can manage it?

Something must have prompted him to do it without consulting you.

Can he actually afford it?

Sorry, so many questions!

StormTreader · 30/01/2019 12:26

He'll have his girlfriend with him. They'll either cope with the airport, or they won't.
If he does cope it could be a fantastic step towards independent adulthood for him.

Bombardier25966 · 30/01/2019 12:33

Autistic people can be coached to cope in situations

Some autistic people can be coached, not all. There's lots of generalising on this thread and that doesn't help. Autism is a vast spectrum.

OP I've used the special assistance service at the airport and found it really helpful. I had a lanyard and at each checkpoint etc was taken to the front of the queue, as I wouldn't cope in queues. Then rather than having to walk through the bright shouty shops I was taken through a lane behind them where it was quieter. I then found a quiet spot to wait in (easy in some airports, less so in others), and I board last as I can't manage everyone queuing up and shoving about putting their bags away.

That kind of support might help your son, or he could be completely different from me and get over excited or not feel able to ask for help. And as much as the staff will guide you, they can't do anything in the event of a full on meltdown other than call an ambulance.

There are options to help, but you know your son better than any of us.

bigbluebus · 30/01/2019 12:38

My DS is autistic. At 18 he went off to Uni which involved flying there and back so he was not easy to get to quickly if there were problems. He coped and so did we. At 19 he went on 2 European short breaks by himself - one to Sweden and the other to Austria. He has just come back from a week in Hungary with his GF. Without more information about why you don't think your DS can go it is difficult to reassure you.

MouseUtopia · 30/01/2019 12:39

Yes, I'm autistic myself, I don't need to be told that some can be taught and others can't. I'm not stupid, I know how it works.

The OP has given virtually no info, so we can't help.

thegreatbeyond · 30/01/2019 16:27

I agree completely, MouseUtopia.
Coaching us as we grow up is invaluable.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 30/01/2019 16:41

Is the girlfriend used to navigating airports, and is she sensible?

What's the plan at the other end - is it a resort or are they going to Amsterdam? In other words - how much can actually go wrong?

Stompythedinosaur · 30/01/2019 21:11

Can you tell us a bit more about why you think they won't cope? Also check what assistance the airline might offer.

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