DH's parents divorced when he and his younger sister were young. His mum remarried a few years later. They lived in a 3 bed house. DH's mum and stepdad had a baby and then conceived again when baby was 4 months. It was twins.
Aged 15 DH had to share a bedroom with 3 small children. There was no money, his parents used his savings to buy a car as they had no option. Both DH and his sister went off the rails in different ways during their teen years, they both moved out around 16 (DH officially lived there til 18 but was out every weekend with his deeply unsuitable girlfriend).
Fast forward to now, PIL are doing very well financially. The 3 half siblings, now teenagere, flew business class to America last year. One has just passed their driving test with lessons fully paid for and has been given a car with tax etc.
They are now looking at unis and MIL said to me that it was the first time she has been able to do this (DH didnt really include them when he was looking). I really have to bite my tongue to not say 'that's because you were occupied with 3 small children. It's no wonder your two first kids went off the rails, there was no room for them".
On his 21st MIL hadnt even got him a card. She took us shopping to buy him a gift but it was all really awkward. We went to ASK because that's where his 5 year old stepbrother wanted to go.
DH doesn't mind, he is highly accepting. I'm not. It really makes me angry and sad.
How can I learn to just say 'that's life'?