Friend's teenage daughter has asked me for advice...

[BlueUggs]

A friend's daughter (16) has contacted me to ask for advice about sexuality and her feelings of being bisexual/gay which have been present for quite a while.

For background....I am in my 40's and have been a family friend for years. I am friends with both parents and know the daughter via her parents.
I am in a SS relationship.

I have advised her to talk to her mum about it and have told her that her mum would be really hurt to feel she has talked to other people first about her concerns.

Would you tell her mum she has contacted you or wait for the daughter to tell her mum?

I am concerned that if she talks to her mum and it goes badly and then says she's already talked to me......????

I wouldn’t break her confidence. Do you have any reason to think it will go badly with her mum?

If you are gay, and she feels like she might be, you’re a sensible person for her to talk to about it. Did you engage with her at all or just tell her to talk to her mum?

IMO talking to the mum is outing her. She should be the one to have that conversation on her terms. Maybe tell her that you're honoured she trusts you to have that conversation and whilst you won't bring it up with her mum, if you are asked, you won't lie. There's no need to openly volunteer the information you have but you can't lie if asked directly.

Does she fancy any of your kids? hint hint

Monday5. What????!!!!!!!!! Strange response

No I wouldn't tell the Mum, presumably she's worried her Mum won't approve that's why she's asking another adult.

I can think of lots of situations where a teen might need adult support from someone who isn’t their parent. Did you have any discussion, or just tell her that she’s speaking to the wrong person?

Saying she’s hurt her mum’s feelings by not going to her first is just laying on more guilt, I’m sorry I know you were trying to do the right thing but I think you’ve missed the mark.

Definitely don’t tell the mum, and I’d be tempted to contact her back, apologise for not handling the first conversation well and offering to meet for a coffee. As a trusted adult in a SS relationship I think it’s completely natural she should turn to you for advice.

We had a text conversation and chatted about it as well as me suggesting she should talk to her mum.

Her parents are church goers so there is some potential for it to go badly but her mum is also very switched on and I'd likely to have an inkling anyway.

I can't meet her for coffee, they don't live nearby.

Seems very sensible she’s asked you as you are in a SS relationship . Do not break confidence with her by telling her Mother without her agreement . I would talk to her - she may want to know for example how you told people / parents , what their reaction was etc etc . Clearly she doesn’t yet feel comfortable broaching this with her mother . Whilst some kids are very sure of their sexuality teens / young adults are not infrequently somewhat gender fluid .

@Fortheloveofscience - I suggested if she talked to more people about it that her might feel hurt...
I have told her I'm happy to talk more and to ask anything she wants to.