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Adopting my stepson, and the murky field of PR

11 replies

SimplySteve · 28/01/2019 16:14

I've used this site for information, directly recommended by my LA. https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/parental-responsibility/

Second, I want to say a massive thank you for the wonderful messages on the "other" thread, this community is wonderful.

I'll deal with D(S)S first. 23, I've raised him with his mum since just before he was 2. Sperm donor used contact as a weapon, D(S)S lived with him for a few weeks (under a month) in his mid-teens. Then kicked him out and told him to fuck off.

Adoption was considered around a decade ago, I love him so very much, we've always had an unbreakable, unwavering bond. Decided not to in the end, as we didn't need a piece of paper.

Another thread yesterday made me realise legally, it would be worth going for it again. So spoke to DS late last night and he's given his blessing and is rather excited. He's also freezing in -20C weather  (living abroad atm).

I've spoken to the adoption team. Their stance is a court will not award an adoption order past the day prior to the child's 19th birthday. However, she mandated that I can legally acquire PR and it's a straightforward process.

However., spam, sorry, at bottom.

So, as DP and sperm donor were never married, sperm donor doesn't have PR in the first place and we cannot remember him acquiring it. So it seems straightforward.

But. DD was born in '99. DP and I are unmarried. Therefore it appears I do not have PR for her, which has hit me like a freight train.

The salient point being: The law has changed so that unmarried fathers who registered or re-registered their name on their child’s birth certificate after 1st December 2003 will have Parental Responsibility for their child.

So any deadbeat dads out there who have fathered a child since 1/12/03 carry PR irrespective of involvement in their children's lives.

I know we need to go see a solicitor, we should be moving in the near future, so will then turn attention back to getting this resolved.

I'm ecstatic with DS response though, I think I might be having a shandy or two at the coming weekend. DS can just bury his in the snow ⛄️. Kids!

An unmarried father can obtain Parental Responsibility by:
• marrying the mother;
• having his name registered or re-registered on the birth certificate if his name is not already registered;*
• entering into a Parental Responsibility Agreement with the mother;
• obtaining a Parental Responsibility Order from the court;
• having obtained a Residence Order prior to 22/4/2014;
• being named as the resident parent under a Child Arrangements Order;
• becoming the child’s guardian on the mother’s death.
The law has changed so that unmarried fathers who registered or re-registered their name on their child’s birth certificate after 1st December 2003 will have Parental Responsibility for their child.

Therefore:
if an unmarried father has a child after 1st December 2003 and he is registered on the birth certificate, he WILL have Parental Responsibility.
if a child’s birth was registered before 1st December 2003 and the father was not named on the birth certificate, the birth can be re-registered to include the father’s name – the father WILL then have Parental Responsibility.*
• if a child’s birth was registered before 1st December 2003 and includes the name of the unmarried father, the father WILL NOT have Parental Responsibility (unless obtained by other means).

OP posts:
Linlou82 · 28/01/2019 16:44

Oh wow what a shock that must have been!

Good and bad news all at once- do you not have PR from being on DD birth certificate?

Good luck with DS adoption

SimplySteve · 28/01/2019 17:06

Well this is the question. It's really unclear. Can't wait to give DS a bear hug 🤗

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 28/01/2019 17:12

Oh no. That does complicate things. BUT, even with the name on there, the judge can still decide in your favour. Do you mind if I pm you? I feel like I have a personal interest in trying to make this happen now!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 28/01/2019 17:18

@SimplySteve is your name on DD's BC? I do remember some faffing with DS's BC after we were married (he was born before) but I can't remember why we had to or even what we had to do! I'll investigate!

ArnoldBee · 28/01/2019 17:19

Unless you married, re-registered the birth or applies to the court you don't have pr for your DD and never did. Bit of a moot point now they are an adult.

FilledSoda · 28/01/2019 17:34

You're going to adopt and have PR for a 23 year old?
Why?
I'm not trying to be goady , I'm an adoptee myself. Is it a gesture to be officially his father?
An adoption certificate won't change the facts, he has a father .
I do wish posters would stop referring to bad fathers as sperm donors, I read your post twice wondering if it was a private sperm donation and if not how or why he tracked you down.
Sperm donor shouldn't be a term of derision anyway.

SimplySteve · 28/01/2019 17:42

Do you mind if I pm you?

Not at all.

Unless you married, re-registered the birth or applies to the court you don't have pr for your DD and never did. Bit of a moot point now they are an adult.

Yeah! My name is on her birth certificate but prior to 2003. Came as a shock, not at all expected. There will be a vast amount of dads completely oblivious. I need to check into re-registering, although doesn't carry the same poignancy as DS.

OP posts:
SimplySteve · 28/01/2019 18:01

Nothing goady in your post.

Why? The legality. To ensure he is treated commensurately with DD when I die, to be allowed access in case of a medical emergency as examples.

Let me be crystalline, our relationship doesn't need a piece of paper. In the families eyes, he's my amazing son, and I'm dad, and the continuity has been there for 95% of his life. Yet I see the pain when I look in his eyes, the pain of birth father objectifying him as a weapon against his ex and I.

Yes, sperm donor isn't a great term is it. I've no truck his having a different birth father, I really don't give a shit. I couldn't possibly love him more if I had been birth father. It was obvious to me all those years ago he was such a special little boy. A fleeting moment of clarity and purpose the first time I saw him. Love from the very start.

As he said to me earlier: I may have two fathers, but I only have one dad.

OP posts:
SimplySteve · 01/02/2019 07:39

Solicitor appointment made.

Sperm donor shouldn't be a term of derision

True, it's too good a term. Sperm donation requires altruism after all.

OP posts:
Jaxtellerswife · 01/02/2019 07:42

Just wishing you very good luck. My stepdad will always be my dad, so I understand the bond Thanks

Ana86 · 01/02/2019 11:51

It's wonderful that you want to do this but I think unfortunately it's not something that you'll be able to do now that both your DSS and DD are adults. You don't say but I'm assuming that you're in England (and I think this is true in the rest of the UK too but not certain). Parental responsibility is about bringing up children, it ends when the child reaches adulthood anyway (see section 91(7) and (8) Children Act so even if you had had parental responsibility it wouldn't mean anything now anyway.
As the adoption team has said, your DSS is now too old to be adopted. This isn't just a stance of the court, the law won't allow an adoption order to be made at his age 47(9) Adoption and Children Act.
I can understand why you want to have your relationship recognised in the law but it's so clear that you're his dad in reality and you that you treat him as your son. Probably the most practical thing you can do is to make sure that your will reflects that because if you die intestate then he won't be recognised by the intestacy rules as your son.

Of course all of that is assuming that you are in England.

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