Pregnant whilst at university

[Amynicole93]

Hi guys. So me and my husband want to start a family as now is the perfect time financially. However I am currently studying nursing at University. When I am to become pregnant, I'm aiming to get back to university after 1-2 months time as it will only be theory hours so I could do online modules etc. My current university days are 3 days a week. My husband would have his 2 days off when I'm at uni so he could have the baby and my mom would stay at my house for the 3rd day when I'm at uni and my husbands at work as she doesn't work so she's available all the time and is quite happy with this. Does this seem like a good idea?

How far through your course are you? I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t just wait to complete your course. If you can afford a baby now, you can afford one after uni..?

Also it’s not just a normal degree, it’s a nursing degree - it’s really intense with placement and theory hours. I’m surprised they’ve said you can take a month or two off and do your theory online, guess things have changed since I was a student nurse.

It’s not a long course, I’m just baffled why you wouldn’t wait.

Also the theory of having your baby and then life carrying on as normal within a few months is all well and good but often doesn’t happen that way. If you had a c section or a birth injury for example you might find it very difficult to be back on placement so soon.

What’s the hurry?

Not a good plan, IMO.

@ClattyCooMin our circumstances will change when I've qualified. Not going into major details but we won't have as much support and won't be as financially comfortable. As I said now is the perfect time

So in 2? years time your circumstances will change so having a baby will be more difficult.... So what do you intend to do with the toddler you are aiming to have in 2 years time? They're a lot harder and more expensive to deal with then.

@titchy I mean about support of family, we live with my in laws but in a separate flat (hard to explain) so while we have a baby we have constant support from them and while I'm studying then after I've qualified we would have saved enough money to buy a house (saving at the moment).

I would think carefully about this. I'm a HCP and currently 30 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy has been much harder than I realised I've had bad sickness all the way through and pregnancy tiredness is like no other tiredness I've experienced, I struggled to think about anything other than not throwing up and staying awake in the first trimester, so if you have any placements whilst pregnant it could be a struggle, I've really struggled with work all the way through.

One of my cousins returned to work after 5 weeks. It was a desk job that required her to use her brain. She found that she couldn't really use her brain for that kind of stuff so soon after birth. She loved her job, did it for two decades before having children so she was very experienced but she just couldn't handle it intelligent-wise after 5 weeks. So I would reccomend you to stay home for at least 8 weeks. It would be a pity if you spend a lot of time at university while unable to study efficiently. I don't think that you will need much more time than that, in the Netherlands most women return to work after ten weeks and function fine (if not a bit tired still).

@explodingkitten thanks for your comment. I was thinking about 8 weeks anyway, just confirming with the uni very via email that it would be possible as when I had a conversation with student support before they said 2 months would be fine as it was probably link with some holidays aswell so I wouldn't be missing too much theory.

Why in the world would you do this to yourselves? Yes - if you were accidentally pregnant then it is sensible to try and make the best of the situation. If you lived in a country with only 4 weeks maternity leave then you’d have to make it work. But you are not and you don’t.

But planning a pregnancy and then to scramble back to university and have to catch up when the baby is still a newborn seems mad to me.

University is a wonderful but slightly scary time when you get to really focus on yourself and on learning and on becoming the best nurse that you can possibly be. On getting the best grade you can possibly get. (It follows you through life I’ve found!)

New motherhood is a wonderful but slightly scary time when you get to live in a total bubble with your lovely lovely baby and learning to be a mum.

Put the two together and you will have an exhausting nightmare that will mean that you will have to make huge compromises on both being a mother and on studying.

I realise that now seems a good time with the in-laws on hand but don’t you want to raise your kids with your husband - not with your in-laws?

If I was you and over 35 I would probably ttc (as time is getting tight) but then plan to take a full year off.

Under 35 and I’d wait until qualified and working for a year and able to take a years maternity leave.

I graduated with a 13 month old and a 7 week old. I had DS in the April during exam period, sat exams in August and returned when he was about 4/5 months in the September. I was pregnant again at this point with DD, who was born 3 weeks after my final exams.

I didn’t have placements like a nursing course, but I was based in a lab for a research project during my second pregnancy.

I was pregnant for the last 9 months of my MA. It was part time, so only 1 day a week at uni, albeit an 11 hour day!

The uni was 90 miles away so I’d be up at 5am to get there shortly after 9. Last lecture finished at 9pm. Got off the train just after midnight, home before 1am, back in work 9am for the full time job I was doing at the sane time.

I was very lucky not to get morning sickness too badly (unlike my next pregnancy).

It was fine. Last assignment handed in 25 days before my son was born.

Wait until you’ve graduated ! Don’t make your situation more difficult then it needs to be .
What if your baby is born early and needs to spend time in icu ? Have you honestly thought through every possible outcome ? Pregnancies don’t always go to plan.

During my second pregnant I threw up from finding out I was pregnant, until 21 weeks pregnant . Then my baby was born just before 24 weeks. We spent just over three months in hospital . No one ever thinks it will happen to them .

I'm not sure you're factoring in sleep deprivation when you see you "can't see why it wouldn't work". Some people are lucky and have good sleepers and sail through but the majority of people really struggle, perhaps for months, and an unlucky few are pretty much brought to their knees for a year or more. And there's no way of knowing beforehand.

Not saying it can't be done, but I would think about how happy you would be with Plan B of taking a year off as that seems to me to be the most likely outcome.

My daughter didn’t sleep more than four hours at night until she was 2.5 years old, I just had power naps where possible. If you’re determined you’ll make it work.

I went back to college 3 days a week when my DS3 was 6 weeks old. I breastfed him until he was 15 months old.i expressed in-between lecturers, they provided a private room and a fridge for my milk. And he was a terrible sleeper. I graduated top of my class. So it is completely doable.
Placements would have been hard but I managed the theory modules fine.

As someone who is currently on mat leave from my nursing degree I say it’s not an ideal situation. I had an easy pregnancy and I struggled with placements and assignments with the tiredness and nausea. How can you guarantee that you won’t be in placement late in pregnancy or that it will be uni hours you miss? You can’t guarentee you’ll conceive at the best time and even if you did Pregnancy doesn’t always end when it’s supposed to and it’s not always straightforward. Plus I couldn’t have imagined going back when DD was 8 weeks old, I know people do it but why would you choose to make things harder?

I fell pregnant with my first child while in my third year as a student nurse. I graduated in the February and he was born in the May. It wasn't any different in terms of working on placements and being pregnant compared to when I later had my other two children - nurses get pregnant all the time and manage the shift work, in that respect you'll be fine.

It was hard work though, I'll not lie. But doable with the right support (and my ex was not helpful at all, in fact we separated before my son was even born so I only had my lovely parents and a few friends to help out). I went back to work when my son was only 8 weeks old, that was pretty tough. Not something I would choose to do, I did it because I had to as I had no money otherwise. There weren't many nurseries that would take a baby that young back then either, don't know if that's changed yet but it's something you should bear in mind if you need childcare.

My pregnancy wasn't planned and I managed it all and have no regrets. I don't think I would have planned it that way though - given a choice I'd have waited until after I qualified, financially it's a lot easier when you are qualified and get the maternity pay packages as well.

Don't count on being able to return before the next academic year if you give birth midway through - your course won't necessarily have that kind of flexibility where you can pick it up at will.

I would honestly qualify first,and defers,if necessary the house purchase. Without exception, at my previous university students who thought they would be back in months ended up taking a year or two - plus you can inadvertantly screws up your funding and end up liable for fees.

It's one thing to deal with if it happens, but I think it's quite unwise to plan it that way, especially with a full on course like nursing.