Tell me your funniest story :)

[Thisisthelaststraw]

Hi,

Ive had a rough few days and am currently sitting in work bored stupid and over tired. I could do with a giggle so would love to read your funniest stories, moments, anything.

A recent thread of mine gave me a few laughs (some at my own expense ) with words or phrases people have used that they thought meant one thing but were actually something very different. Eg one poster told of her mother who would ask before going out with baby if she had her strap-on ie baby carrier

I also like spooky stories

I can’t believe you all left me hanging!

I’ve had to play candy crush all night. Soul destroying

Sorry it's late but you reminded me of a time when DHs relative (in her 60s) mentioned somebody leaving something in her glory hole.
She meant pidgeon hole. I was new to the family at the time and desperately tried not to snigger at least until other people laughed and corrected her.

On a conference call, a colleague was talking about "test calls" but the way she pronounced it sounded like "testicles".

I have two stories:

Number 1:
I had to be a witness in Reading Crown Court, when I entered the court, the following just happened to come out of my mouth " Hi" whilst I waved & then proceeded to say "Oh my word! You guys still wear wigs and everything!"

The Judge let out a guffaw 😂. I must've had the movie Legally Blonde in my head. Upon leaving, I shouted "Bye, thanks for having me" whilst going the wrong way and had to be redirected by the Judge!

At least at the end, the barrister came up to me and said I'd made the Judges day as it made such a nice change to have a smiling, happy person in a murder trial.

Number 2:*
On the way home from Earlsfield train station, I assisted a frantic elderly man from India who needed accommodation. *
*
I googled the nearest hotel and caught a taxi with him as he was holding on to me and didn't want to be left alone.

The taxi pulled up to a castle like building and we walked in. It had such a cold atmosphere in there and the front desk was plain and empty. There was a group of men behind the desk looking quite solemn, it felt very strange.

I approached them and asked if they had a room available for the night and what the price was. To my surprise, they burst out laughing and looked at each other. One of the men responded in between laughing, that this was NOT A HOTEL, IT WAS WANDSWORTH PRISON!! 😳😳😳

The elderly man panicked and took out his passport and documents thinking I was handing him over to authorities. I grabbed him and shouted "Bye, enjoy your day" and ran out with him. The hotel was basically next door 😂

Sometimes I think I'm the actual real life Bridget Jones!

Timmytoo - your second story made me chuckle. Shame the prison staff didn't play along and say: "and how long will you be staying with us...?"

A friend of mine was having a dinner party with lobster as one of the courses. On his way home from shopping he decided to have a quick drink, which turned into a lot of drinks and ended with him chasing the barman round the pub with the lobster stuck through his trousers shouting "I'm too posh for crabs, I've got lobsters!"

Many, many years ago I worked in a care home. One of the residents was a foreign lady with limited English - one day she came to me declaring 'I AM ANGRY, I AM ANGRY!' After unsuccessfully trying to reassure her I brought her her meds which she refused and wandered off sadly.

Shortly after I found her scoffing crisps and it dawned on me she was hungry not angry; no wonder she was all when I offered her a diazepam and a glass of water

On holiday in Italy with my folks when I was younger we went exploring a nearby town. Mum saw a long queue outside an impressive stone building. Thinking it was a castle or tourist attraction we joined the queue.

After about half an hour we got near the front when dad spotted a sign saying 'prigione'..

We were in the queue for visiting day at the local nick.