Another baby??

[sendingmyselfcrazy]

Name change for this.

Im currently sending myself crazy being unable to decide whether to try for another baby. it's on my mind all day every day.

I've got a 2.5 year old DD. I had a traumatic birth and don't think I could do it again. But then I don't think I could have a C-section either.

Also I don't really enjoy being a mum. I love my DD but found mat leave very dull and only recovered from PND once I got back to work.

But then I don't want my DD to be an only child.

If we have two kids money will be tight. Would it be better to be able to have money to treat my DD instead?

Anyone else in the same boat? Time is not on my side so I need to decide soon.... DP really wants another which isn't helping matters, the guilt I feel if I say no..would I regret not having another? Would DP resent me if I say no more?

My lovely child is 6, and like you I had a hard pregnancy, my baby was colicky, refluxy and had posterior tongue tie. I find the earlier years mundane too, I enjoy my precious child far more now. We've decided to stick with one, nothing wrong with that!😊

Hi

No,no firm decision.

We're leaving it for six months but when I think along the lines of not having another I just feel relieved so think unless I get a sudden longing that might actually be the decision made.

Thanks to those who replied, it's been very helpful x

I could have written your post 12 months ago. Honestly, almost word for word (except I have a DS). I had physical and mental birth injuries. Another child was not on my radar though DH wanted one. DS had also been a high needs baby.

I then had an accidental pregnancy. I was devastated. I didn't want to carry on with it but couldn't bring myself to terminate. DH always wanted a second child but understood my reticence. I had a c section agreed but that didn't really help me. I ended up in labour before my section date. My first labour was 21hours from waters breaking to forceps delivery. 19hours of contractions and 4 hours pushing.

This one started the same way,cheaters going but it was only 5.5 hours from waters going to DD being delivered by c section, if she'd not been breech I doubt if have needed the section (I was 10cm & DD was partially in the birth canal when they cut me open). My contractions felt totally different, like they were doing something this time. I dilated quickly and I'd changed hospital trusts and this hospital was much more attentive. Honestly it was such a different experience. Really healing. Last time I was so broken and shell shocked, i hated being a mum, felt I'd made a huge mistake, had PND. DD is now 2 weeks old (as of 6.11am tomorrow). It's early days but I am loving it this time. I've not even had the baby blues. It's amazing. I couldn't have imagined it being so different. I'm actually enjoying it! I enjoyed labour 😲 and DD is amazing. It's still early days re my PND but I'm hopeful.

I am still traumatised by DC1's birth, 17 (sic) years on. I am not joking. -the sound of ambulance sirens reduces me to a quivering wreck (home birth which went wrong). He had reflux and, as it turned out later, AS. But having a second pretty soon after (ELCS) was the best thing I ever did. I loved, loved, loved the years when they were small together.

Now the DC are 15 and 16 and can't stand one another, but I still wouldn't want an only child. There is no right answer to this.

If I were in your position no way would I be having another! Having one is really no big deal.

But what if something happens to my only child?

That is not a very good reason to have more children, they aren't replaceable like coffee mugs 😳

FruitCider I thought the same 😒 it's a very strange way of thinking

I don't think that's fair. Nobody is saying they are replaceable but I can understand why people might think it could help you as a family to have another child to focus on and love etc if God forbid the worst happened to one of them. It doesn't mean that you love either of them any less than the other. It's never factored into my thinking and I've never heard anyone else mention it before this thread, but I think it is brave to express it and I don't think it's fair to be horrible about it.

I have one DD, 7mo. I am similar to you apart from DH is basically just happy to do whatever I want. I'm sure if I said 'definitely no more' he'd be fine and if I said 'I want 5 more' he would be like 'ok we'll find a way to make it work' bless him . But unlike you I am only mid-twenties so don't have to make a decision about it. The only reason we are even thinking about it is because I have grandiose career aspirations that will require me soon taking a solid 4 or 5 years of training when mat leave and pregnancy is not an option. So unless we want a gap of 6+yrs (which there are lots of positives about!) we would need a small gap and to get on with over the next few months. But for lots of reasons that seems like an impossible thing to do - I have my first gynae appt on Monday for my birth injury, for example. And I struggled A LOT the first few months of DD's life with my MH because she is a 'high needs' baby that is about to be referred to a paed to be checked. I also had HG in my pregnancy and it's likely to reoccur again so that's another thing putting me off.

Better not to have more children than you can afford. I was an only child and it wasn’t a problem.

@everyonelovesdogs that’s funny because one of my biggest irrational regrets about having a second child was that if one of my children died I wouldn’t be able to kill myself (pregnancy made me a bit insane).

But a different perspective on the “but what happens if something happens to my child?” Logic is that your other child will instantly become an only child. The only child you didn’t want them to be. And you’ll be the parent of an only child... etc.

I have an only child through secondary infertility. When he was little I regretted not being able to have any more. However now that he’s older I thank my lucky stars that I only have to go through the teenage years once. also, if you’re struggling financially with the idea of having two little ones, you can multiply that by ten when they reach teenagehood because teenagers are much, much more expensive than toddlers.

My eXH however is one of two. And mil always used to say “ah but you can’t have an only child,” she never said it unkindly fwiw. However, three weeks ago eXH’s sibling died after a terminal illness. And now eXH is essentially an only child. And ILs now have an only child. Iyswim.

So with regard to that argument, wen you balance it against the argument about how two children have each other when the parents pass on, the reality is that if something happens to one of your existing children, then the remaining sibling will still have to go through dealing with the loss of their parents alone when the time comes. And that would likely be even harder because they would potentially have been used to dealing with things as a sibling pair.

So there are pro’s and cons to both. But IMO if you are ever in any doubt about whether to actively try for another, then the answer should always be no.

If you are looking for reasons to have another other than because you have the urge to have another, then the answer should always be no.

You’ll always have had a sibling, you’re not an only child
If you lose your sibling. You will always have that bond and you will always carry that grief if something does happen.