18 year old daughter and older man

[Twtd123]

Hi

I’m new to all this so please bear with me.

My daughter who turned 18 last August; has been messaging a 36 year old successful music producer based in London since last May.
Fortunately we are very open and she’s told me everything, she was introduced to him and has been to his gigs and clearly has always liked him. The messaging at first was friendly, but soon became sexual instigated by him and naturally she went with it. My daughter has met him twice and although did stuff, haven’t had full sex and she’s still a virgin.
He’s apparently finishing with his current gf to date my daughter; but his attitude has changed towards her recently. His messages were intense, “let’s go on holiday”, “would you move in with me in years to come” etc to now saying how busy he is and barely messages for days.
Now he’s saying, that SHE’S too intense and need to go slower, when she’s simply being guided by his attitude towards her.
My husband has gone mad and says the age gap is ridiculous and I agree, however she’s 18 and feel it’s out of our control.
She’s under no illusions as to how we feel and that it’s predatory behavior and he’s simply using her, but she likes him and is not interested in our opinions.
I have found his number and I’m so tempted to message and tell him to leave her alone, as he’s affecting her daily life as she has a lack of drive when it comes to looking for jobs and generally getting stuff done. She doesn’t have many friends and so has a poor social life and i feel her isolation makes her drawn to him even more and she is also quite vulnerable mentally.
Any advice would be appreciated

I went out with someone a lot older than me when I was 18 - he was 32. Looking back now as a nearly 40 year old I realise how creepy and awful it was but to be fair he was never awful to me, I just got a bit too serious too soon. My mum hit the roof and actually told me she was ashamed of me (why, I have no idea but that’s stuck with me!) and i felt very hurt. I felt like she didn’t see me as an adult and was treating me like a child. So whatever you do, don’t get involved. Eventually I realised on my own that it wasn’t what I wanted and I called it off. I’m sure generally speaking that these things do fizzle out.

Just want to throw in a "fuck off Daily Mail" just in case. That applies to any other shite journalist with no ideas for interesting articles

No advice, sorry OP. Definitely don't message him though, and do what you can to make sure she keeps telling you about it rather than saying she's ended things when actually she's just continuing it without having to tell you

No advice but wanted to say well done in raising your Dd to share things so openly with you. She must trust your advice and opinion. My dd is 12 and I hope our relationship is that good when she hits 18

Get him to do a song with Sean Paul. She'll never contact him again.

Hes obviously full of crap but at 18 its almost the reality that people have to find out these things for themselves. Damage reduction is all you can do.

The age gap is not always a problem or mean he is a predator

My SIL has Benn very happily married for almost thirty years to a man 20 years her senior. Her parents had the same fears expressed on here and were pleased to be wrong

Only time will tell.

Once again, thank you all so much for your advice.
I actually don’t have a problem with age gaps in general, it’s just that my daughter’s so young and this would be her first real boyfriend.
She is sensible enough to say that unless she sees evidence that the gf is no longe around, then she’ll refuse to meet him again and it will be over. I have praised her for this mature attitude and said that for her own self esteem she should stick to this.
I’m hoping that once she’s working (doesn’t want to go to uni) that she will start going out with like minded young people and move on.