Ds and I just had a long talk. He’s in year 8 and doesn’t see friends much out of school.He is happy enough at school. He says no-one dislikes him. They just think he’s shy. He can tend to veer between saying nothing and saying too much IYSWIM. he’s slightly quirky. He’s at a high level intellectually. Slightly below average at sport (a little slow and uncoordinated) but eager to improve.
Family life is happy. He has an older brother age 16 and they are very close.When his brother is around there’s a lovely neighbourhood gang. When his brother isn’t around he’s nervous about going round alone.
He’s slightly not-neurotypical -didn’t talk till he was 3, etc. He’s very like me and I also had friendship problems. He’s way ahead of where I was in that we all get on well as a family and with our neighbours. He always feels safe under his brother’s wing.
He attends scouts (but was lonely on the summer camps), a drama group on Saturdays (which he says is good for his confidence)and a music group at school.. he tends to avoid new things unless a friend is doing it because he fears being lonely. But because his friendship group is small that’s self-fulfilling.
He told me that:
he rehearses conversations in his head and is never sure what to say to people.
He does walk home after school with two friends but doesn’t invite them in because he doesn’t want to make them waste their time.
He is an introvert and happy to be alone lots of the time.
He is kind and loyal. He’s actually very tactful when he talks about other people and can calm down any family bickering.
He doesn’t take things personally. He isn’t possessive of his friends.
We don’t need a big change, just a subtle one.
Any help appreciated.